MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. It's time once again for another edition of The MoxArgon Group. I'm your host, Remulak MoxArgon, ruler of the known universe and inevitable conqueror of your wretched little rock of a planet. Joining me are the usual suspects. Space pirate and political columnist for the TransGalaxy Review: Xran the Fleshrender, intergalactic mercenary, assassin and host of "Varos in the Morning" on the Antares Radio Network: Varos Quasar, and android conqueror and entertainment columnist for The Mechanoid Monthly: Android CAI/7. Welcome everyone. First topic: Time Magazine put out its list of the world 100 most influential people and left out President George W. Bush. What do you think?
XRAN- A blatantly politicized slap in the face from a blatantly politicized publication posing as a 'news' magazine. They put a rude, loudmouthed nutcase who thinks the American government masterminded 9/11 over the leader of the free world. They also include the brother of a man who turned a once prosperous country into a blood-soaked basket case of a Stalinist dictatorship.
VAROS- They included Al Gore in their list of 'Great Thinkers and Scientists.' That should mean something.
MOXARGON- I thought that was for people who have made scientific or philosophical breakthroughs, not for creating rampant hysteria in order to make millions of dollars off of questionable 'carbon indulgence' schemes.
VAROS- You're just in the pay of big oil.
ANDROID CAI/7- Time also says that Tina Fey, the writer/star of a sitcom that's was saved from cancellation by a co-star's over-publicized child-abuse is somehow more influential than the president of the most powerful nation on the planet Earth. That's very illogical.
MOXARGON- Maybe Time's version of the world is confined to the elite dinner parties of Manhattan where freshly botoxed millionaires dine on imported Russian caviar served by illegal immigrants without health insurance, and talk about how horrible Bush is for not overriding Clinton's rejection of Kyoto, before piling their surgically tightened behinds into carbon spewing stretch limos to take them to the airport where their private Gulfstream jets can zip them off to Miami for a round of night-clubbing and casual Viagra fuelled infidelities with other freshly botoxed millionaires. They then jet home to their oversized 'summer cottages' in the Hamptons with enough floor space to house Nicaragua, half of which work there as domestic labour, all the while burning enough electricity and fossil fuels to power Zimbabwe and consuming enough food to feed Bangladesh, but it's all right. Al Gore sold them shares that say that Hugo Chavez is going to plant a tree in their name, and the food's all going to be purged anyway, because you just gotta stay skinny, or you won't need the freaking botox.
XRAN- I'm sensing some bitterness, you kind of had a bit of a Dennis Miller type rant-thing going on there.
MOXARGON- I just don't like jerks. Hell, the New York Times literally goes out of the way to say that Bush is too much of a rube to entertain the Queen of England. Kind of forgetting that Bush went to Andover, Yale, and has an MBA from Harvard. Of course New York's limo-liberal crowd have never let little things like facts ruin a good prejudice. Next topic: The LA Times tried smearing attorney/former Senator/ and actor Fred Thompson by rather clumsily implying that an acting role of a racist on the show Wiseguy somehow means he really is a racist.
XRAN- Sure, and Ken Wahl's really an undercover agent for the FBI.
ANDROID CAI/7- That would explain why we haven't seen much of him lately.
XRAN- That's not relevant.
VAROS- I think you're being hypocritical.
VAROS- You're always bringing up people's pasts to smear them. Why can't the LA Times do that to Thompson?
MOXARGON- Let me field this one. Varos, you are retarded. When we bring up a person's past it's usually to illustrate actions and attitudes in the REAL WORLD. Thompson's role on that show was fiction, fantasy, totally unconnected to reality, much like modern liberalism.
VAROS- I don't see your point.
XRAN- It's like saying a politician is a porridge eating bear because he played Papa Bear in his third grade production of "Goldilocks."
VAROS- Still don't get it.
MOXARGON- Let's move to our next topic. France has elected tough talking conservative Nicholas Sarkozy to the presidency. This makes him the first French leader since Napoleon who comes from a family of immigrants. Will Sarkozy be the next Margaret Thatcher, or turn into the next Jacques Chirac?
XRAN- For the love of God he better be the French equivalent of Margaret Thatcher. Anything less will spell doom for France.
VAROS- What has Margaret Thatcher done for Britain other than rebuild its economy, improved its status among nations, and enforced the rule of law?
ANDROID CAI/7- I must concur with Xran on this issue. France's stagnant economy, rampant crime, and immigration problems need a strong hand that willing to break out the plasma cannons sometimes.
MOXARGON- Yes, sometimes you do need the proverbial plasma cannons.
ANDROID CAI/7- I was not being proverbial.
MOXARGON- Okay. Next issue: A recent poll of Democrats state that slightly less than 4 in 10 Democrats are willing to commit to idea that George Bush wasn't behind or had previous knowledge of the 9/11 attack. The majority of Democrats are split in the 'definitely knew/involved' category and the 'not sure' category. What do you think?
XRAN- I think they're all nuts.
VAROS- If that many Democrats believe it, then it must be true.
ANDROID CAI/7- I think it reveals the paranoid immaturity of modern Democrats.
MOXARGON- Don't forget the overwhelming influence of the internet based radical-fringe. I think that it's only a matter of time before the Democrats completely give up the facade of being a responsible American political party and run on a platform of Sharia law and genocide against Jews to 'save the world from the Evil Bush-Hitler-Halliburton-Zionist conspiracy.' Hell, they want to take CIA agents off terrorism and reassign them as minions of Al Gore. If that's not symptomatic of the sort of delusion based politics that lead to fascism, I don't know what is. Well, that's all the time we have for today, so goodbye for now and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.