XRAN XPLAIN- THE CIA "TORTURE" INVESTIGATION

Hello Earthlings, your old pal Xran here to simplify the complicated after its been complicated by the simple. Today I'm going to explain Attorney General Eric Holder's decision to investigate the CIA over allegations of "torture."

This is
ERIC HOLDER
Attorney General of the USA
in the past he's
REFUSED TO PROSECUTE
AL GORE
(for illegally fundraising while Vice President)
or
BLACK PANTHERS
(for intimidating voters)
or
BILL RICHARDSON
(Democratic Governor of New Mexico for corruption)
and campaigned for pardons for
MARC RICH
(who did business with Iran)
&
PUERTO RICAN TERRORISTS
(who killed people)
but
ERIC HOLDER
will investigate, and most likely prosecute
THE CIA
for
BEING MEAN TO TERRORISTS
Even if it means exposing the identities of
CIA AGENTS
to folks like the
ACLU
who will give that info to
TERRORISTS
and putting the country
AT RISK

WHY?

The answer is simple
PARTISAN POLITICS

This is
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
Eric Holder's boss
this is
RAHM EMMANUEL
Barack Obama's Boss
and they have been
SCREWING EVERYTHING UP
and racking up
UNIMAGINABLE DEBT
and their polls are
SINKING FAST

They need to distract
AMERICA
and
CRIMINALIZE
REPUBLICANS
to avoid
LOSING
the 2010 Congressional Elections
so they have to destroy
THE CIA
in the vain hope that they will one day
be able to prosecute
DICK CHENEY

The irony is
THE CIA
leaked everything they could to
THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA
in order to embarrass Bush and help elect
DEMOCRATS

Now they're being repaid in the only way Democrats repay their allies
by
SCREWING THEM

I hope that clears things up for you.

Ted Kennedy Is Dead....Alas....

Massachusetts Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy passed away at the age of 77.

It was a life spent having power handed to him by his family, followed by decades of craven opportunism in order to hold onto that power.

I'm not sure if he was successful in getting the Massachusetts state legislature to change the rules again in order for one of his family to get his seat, which was how he got it in the first place, but since the voters of Massachusetts would vote for a skidmark on a pair of underpants if its last name was Kennedy, the seat will probably stay in the family.

I'd like to end this little obituary with three words that will most likely be forgotten in the mainstream media's rush to canonize the last of the "Camelot" crew:

Mary Jo Kopechne

I Sometimes Hate It When I'm Right.

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Do you remember how since the 2008 election I've been saying that the moment Barack Obama's poll numbers dipped below a comfortable level, they'd be starting up investigations into the Bush administration on "torture."

Well, I was right all along.

As usual.

Keeping watching the skies, because we're watching you.

The Leftist Mind: Whatever Works

Greetings puny Earthlings. Time to take another dip into the snake-pit otherwise known as the LEFTIST MIND.

Today we're going to look at opportunism, big business, and stupidity.

Right now the Democrats are getting ready to go after the insurance companies, demanding information on executive salaries for them to use to pillory them. Why? It's all part of their never ending game to use class warfare to justify their own incompetence and corruption. You see the White House, the Congressional Democrats and their masters are trying to paint the civic anger over their plans for turning health care into the DMV writ large as the product of a big conspiracy run by the "eeeeeeevvvvvviiiiiiilllll" insurance companies. (All the while ignoring the obvious plant material at the Obama Greenhouse events.)

Now I'll bet dollars to Delbarian oggoorats that if you did a little digging, you would find that most of the so-called evil insurance companies, or the people that run them, donated and voted for the current ruling Democratic line-up.

Now you're probably wondering why they would do that?

Because, like their Wall Street brethren they know that deep down the Democratic Party is the party of big business.

Now you're probably thinking I've been eating Zygorthian toadstools again, but you're wrong.

You see big business loves the Democrats, because Democrats hate competition.

Democrats create regulations that prevent small players from challenging the big players, and make sure that there are plenty of loopholes in everything from the tax code to safety regs that only their rich friends can afford to exploit. Then they get to become "too big to fail" and rake in billions in bailouts from the taxpayers.

Meanwhile the small businessperson faces the fact that if they succeed too much, they will be eventually crushed by government regulations and if they have any real value they'll be bought up by one of the big boys, while the people who built the company are usually left hanging.

Now the health insurance companies backed the Democrats because they know that any free market based reform of the health insurance business would result in the opening up of the market and the elimination of the near mini-monopolies they've created across the country. Without these regulations they would have to act like real competitors, cut their prices, and maybe actually work for a living.

Of course the Democrats have turned on their former backers, because they have their own agenda, one based on state control, and will crush anything and anyone that they even perceive as either in their way, or as simply a convenient distraction.

Because when it comes to the Leftist Mind, it's all about power and control.

DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK!

Greetings puny Earthlings. Time to take another look at the wide world of douchebaggery so here we go.

DEMOCRATS: Congratulations, your strategy of calling anyone and everyone who disagrees with you on socialized health-care "racist," "ignorant," "Nazis," and a whole myriad of other petty slanders is really paying off. Your beloved Messiah's ratings are plunging faster than a greased rock climber, and all in defense of a bill that none of you have even read.

Well here's a question. If none of you have read it, the WHO THE HELL WROTE IT?

Oh, right, lobbyists and your money people.

And don't get me started on all that class warfare bullshit.

YALE UNIVERSITY: The nutless wonders who run Yale University have displayed a new low in the field of moral cowardice by censoring the Danish Mohamed cartoons, from A BOOK ABOUT THE DANISH MOHAMED CARTOONS. What's next, are they going to excise all references to the Holocaust from their history texts because it might offend the sensibilities of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Or perhaps remove all references to the failures and atrocities of socialism for fear of offending Hugo Chavez or Fidel Castro's zombie?

I know the modern western university is more about feelings than facts, but Yale is officially full of shit.

SHOWTIME NETWORK: For wasting millions of dollars and hours of air-time for Oliver Stone to produce the "Secret History of America." Why not just air the combined writings of the Unabomber, Charles Manson, and the homeless guy who lives behind the 7-11 in Fairfax.

WARREN BUFFET: The sage of Omaha came down from his mountain of cash and declared that the massively bloating federal debt is a threat to the value of the American dollar and the economy in general. Well, no shit Sherlock, then why did you, and your other billionaire friends drop millions on the candidate who so far has accomplished nothing but bloat the debt like Kirstie Alley at a buffet.

You made this bed, or to be more exact, you paid for this bed, so you have to lie in it.

So if you find yourself on this list, it means that...

A Decree To My Minions!

Greetings puny Earthlings. Remulak MoxArgon here and I have a tactical command for my obedient minion in their ongoing battle over the Obamacare debacle. President Obama is holding his own "town hall" meetings where properly photogenic people can ask him all about how wonderful he, and his plans, are, and how he's going to save America from the big mean racists waving mythical swastikas around.

Well, let's stop calling these carefully staged events "town halls."

Town halls are where citizens and politicians gather to debate issues.

Obama's appearances are not debates.

So I decree that these events get a more accurate name.

I hereby declare these meeting to be GREENHOUSES.

Why?

Because they're full of PLANTS.

Now spread the word, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Some Ideas

Greetings puny Earthlings. With all the talk and rage going on about health care in the USA I've decided to offer some advice.

Now I know that you don't have medical androids in every home and don't have the bio-manipulative nanotechnology that cures all disease and heals all injuries in a matter of minutes, so I will try to take your primitiveness into consideration.

So here are a few basic facts that are being ignored by many in the mainstream press.

1. Government can't run government. That's a simple fact. Need proof, go to the DMV, or apply for a passport, or just try to do anything that may involve a government body. What makes people think they can run health care? Health care has nothing to do with it, it's all about controlling people's lives based on crackpot theories from socialism to eugenics.

2. The insurance companies want Obamacare. Why?

A- Because it will force people in that 18-25 otherwise healthy people who can afford but don't buy health insurance to buy health insurance or have their lives taken over by the state. Also those who were covered by employers will be dumped onto the state, forcing them to buy insurance on their own, for higher individual rates instead of bulk rates, or also face government takeover.

B- It will help hinder competition. Right now you can buy car insurance nationwide, but you can't buy health insurance nationwide. That's because each state has their own regulations that dictate who can operate in which state. In some cases if allows them to set a near monopoly in some areas, and hinder any competition. If Obama really wanted to reform health insurance, he would put health insurance under a unified regulatory structure, and allow companies that can operate within those regulations to work nationwide. It would allow real competition between insurance companies, and eliminate the buddy system that currently keeps prices up and competitors down.

C- Not only will more people be forced to buy health insurance these same companies, as well as the hospital corporations will all line up to leech the Obamacare system dry. That's why the bill was written by their lobbyists, that's why it's a mish-mash of regulations that fill out over 1000 pages. The longer and more confusing the bill, the more loopholes they can manipulate for profit.

Just a little something to chew on, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

THAT'S UN-AMERICAN!!

A SPECIAL JOINT
GUEST COMMENTARY
BY
REP. NANCY PELOSI
(Speaker of the House D-Frisco)
&
REP. STENY HOYER
(D-Ementia)

Hello, to our fellow Democrats and we guess it's hello to the rest of you who didn't vote for us in the last election.

Now a lot of the jackbooted Talk Radio Racists, Fox-News Nazis, and Blog Bastards are going to be attacking us with their swastikas because of an article we wrote calling the people who are opposed to the Obamacare Plan "un-American.

We will not apologize. Just because people vote doesn't mean they know what's good for them. It's a fact. Which is why you need great minds like us, Joe Biden, and our glorious Messiah President Barack Obama (all hail his glorious name) to guide you to do the right thing by controlling every aspect of your life and even your death.

And it's in the spirit of that belief that we must tell you what constitutes being American, and being Un-American.

So here's the list:

Dissent against a Republican government- American

Dissent against a Democrat government- Un-American

Wanting America to be defeated by radical Islamic terrorists- American

Wanting Grandma to live beyond their state-allotted time- Un-American

Handing over health care to same people behind the DMV- American

Wanting to maintain control over your own health care- Un-American

Speaking your mind when you don't agree with Republicans- American

Speaking your mind when you don't agree with Democrats- Un-American

Reporting on the political beliefs of fellow Americans for punishment by the state - American

Putting foreign terrorists under surveillance- Un-American

If someone you know is Un-American, than be sure to report them to flag@whitehouse.gov, so we can begin a campaign of federally sanctioned intimidation against them, including IRS audits, wire-tapping, harassment by ACORN, and the hacking of their computers by the FBI and Secret Service.

So click on this picture, and pass it around. It's the most important message you will ever see.
Also, failure to pass the message around will result in you being flagged as Un-American, and you don't want to be Un-American, do you?

-Nancy Pelosi
Steny Hoyer

Ask The MoxArgon Group: We have Answers!

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. It's time for another long belated round of "Ask the MoxArgon Group." Joining me are the usual suspects, Xran, Android Cai/7, Varos, token Earthling correspondent Vox Poplar, and from Point-Counterpoint, Tektak F. Mechanoid, and Snotglob T. Mutant. Welcome aboard everyone. Now let's get to our first question.

Clinton asked... Maybe its my stupid racist retarded brain... but can you point out to me in that nasty old piece of paper us bitter clingers keep talking about where it says the govt will have anything to do with health care?? Just curious, must be the urge to suppress a minority that keeps me from seein it...

MOXARGON- Who want's to field this one?

XRAN- I'll take it. There is nothing in the US constitution that says that the government has to have anything to do with health care. However, we're talking about a left wing government here, so it really has nothing to with rights, or even health care. It's all about power and control.

MOXARGON- You're starting to sound like one of my "Leftist Mind" pieces.

XRAN- A broken clock is right twice a day.

MOXARGON- Aren't you clever. But to answer Clinton's question, the average Leftist wants to run your life, and there's no better way to run your life, than to literally have control over your health. Next question.

Fuloydo said... Why are Democrats?

MOXARGON- Let's ask a Democrat. Varos?

VAROS- There is no "why" with Democrats. Why is a question, and when Democrats are in power, asking questions make you a racist.

MOXARGON- So, Fuloydo, you are a racist. I would also like to add that you mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries. Next question.

Random Walker said... Since everything about Odumbo is fake, does he also fake his orgasms?

ANDROID CAI/7- Is this questioner asking about Zirox Odumbo?

TEKTAK- The Warlord of the Planet Izzaz? I didn't think he even heard of him. The Tharago Nebula is a long way away from this Earthling's Galaxy.

VOX- I'm an Earthling, and I heard of him.

TEKTAK- That's because you dated his sister. You don't count.

MOXARGON- I think this guy was talking about Barack Obama. And to answer his question, it's no. His orgasms are apparently real, he just has to be lying on a mountain of taxpayer debt in order to achieve climax. Next question. We have three from a guy named Porkchop. They are...

What do we need to do to get out from under this group od socialist anti-american douchebags?

MOXARGON- Android CAI/7 would you care to take this one?

ANDROID CAI/7- The only logical step is to first begin boycotting media outlets that serve as nothing but mouthpieces for this government. Then, vote as many as you can out in the 2010 elections. That is the key, and is the main reason Obama is moving so fast with his agenda. He knows that once past 2010, he will be a lame duck president in the middle of his first term. So he has to do everything now, including putting ACORN in charge of the census, because it's the only way he could possibly win in 2012. So keep standing up, and refuse to give them any excuse to smear you. They will smear you anyway, but don't give them the slightest thing to use against you.

MOXARGON- Good advice. Next from Porkchop...

I am sure you have seen this before in other worlds... do we need to start preparing for the Civil Revolution?... Civil being American vs. American and Illegal Aliens, Revolution because the people who enjoy liberty and freedom want to take it back... much like the guys in 1776 who everyone seems to have forgotten... they tended to write perfect documents, or can we get out of this with less violence?

MOXARGON- Now I don't see a civil war coming. The Left has realized that 30+ years of anti-gun rhetoric has left the left unarmed. What I do see is a real grassroots political movement causing Obama to stop being such a tool.

I often wonder about Gangsters.. or is Gangsta the appropriate term used today... i usually just call them worthless bastards who the world would be better off without... what i tend to wonder about is their weapons... i just saw this waste of sperm and eggs talking about how much he loves guns... i wonder how often they clean their weapons... i just cant imagine a whole bunch of G-Thuggins hanging out, cleaning their weapons while on breaks during man-love Thursdays... now the man love thing i can see them doing... giving a bad name to all the decent gay men and women worldwide... but... how do they keep their weapons functioning properly?

MOXARGON- Xran?

XRAN- Why am I given the criminal question?

MOXARGON- You are a pirate.

XRAN- Fine. It all depends on the individual gangster. I myself have a regular rotation where we clean and maintain our weapons so that we are always ready at all times. However, very few "gangstas" are that responsible or mature. Remember Voldek the Bloodreaper?

MOXARGON- Oh yeah, he pulled a gun on me and shot his own head off. That was one hell of a new year's party. And the lesson is, clean and maintain your firearms regularly. Next question:

Anonymous said... Did those two journalists Clinton just freed join the mile high club on the way back?

MOXARGON- Tektak you're no slouch as a pilot. What do you think?

TEKTAK- I don't think they did after their ordeal, which probably only got worse being stuck on a plane with President McFeely.

Chris in NC said... Now that the Earth has cooled for 11 years straight and this is the coldest summer on record for several cities, what punishment do you think befits the fraud Al Gore for his hoax and all the profit he made from it?

SNOTGLOB- What do you mean cooled? The Earth is on fire right now. In fact, it is warmer now in Texas than it was just six months ago!

TEKTAK- And that pretty much sums up the entire Global Warming movement.

MOXARGON- As for punishment, how about seizing the hundreds of millions Gore's currently making off of this hysteria, and using it to support the people who will lose their jobs because of Cap and Trade.

Chris in NC said... When the democrats enact their socialist medicine scheme despite popular disapproval, how many years do you think it will be until there is a French Revolution style uprising here in America? Or are we too far gone down the sheeple road?

MOXARGON- I don't expect these programs to survive past Obama's single term. Unless he succeeds in getting ACORN to decide the voter lists, and turns it into a federalized version of "card check" union elections. Then you will seriously be sheeple, because the only thing socialized medicine will pay for, will be mandatory lobotomies.

Chris in NC said... It's just not an "ask the MoxArgon Group" without a Billie Piper picture request. So can we please have another?

MOXARGON- Make your own deposit in the spank bank. I'm not here to supply you with cheesecake!

MOXARGON- Who put that there?

Chris in NC said... Even though the democrats have blown it over and over since January, what makes the republicans think they deserve another chance? is it arrogance or are they just counting on the general stupidity of the American people who were dumb enough to elect Obama.

TEKTAK- A little of Column A and a little of Column B. However, there is also a Column C, and we will see a new generation of Republicans to flush out the RINOs and the opportunists, and hopefully create a new Republican Party. One based on real conservative values of independence, etc... Plus, the American people are pretty dumb considering they did elect a man with no qualifications to the highest office in the land simply because he's good at making speeches that no one can actually remember afterwards.

Random Walker said... So why is comparing Odumbo to Joker racist? Other than comparing Odumbo to Jesus are any other comparisons not racist?

MOXARGON- Varos.

VAROS- Because anyone who dares think differently than Obama is officially worse than Hitler, Barbra Boxer says so.

SNOTGLOB- Yeah, so don't ask questions, they're racist too.

Random Walker said... If Odumbo were to be publicly compared to Mohammed, who gets to go apeshit first?

ANDROID CAI/7- I calculated that the Muslims would go "ape-shit" first, because the Left would be wondering if it was some sort of comparison to Mohammed Ali.

Blackhawk12151 said... Is Obamacare a plot hatched by your undercover agents within the Obama administration to make us humans weaker and easier to conquer?

MOXARGON- No it isn't. I don't have to weaken you when I have 100,000,000,000 more battle androids than you in your sector. We actually do have free medical care in my empire. But since the only way it can work is if you have medical androids installed in every home and advanced bio-manipulative nanotechnology that can cure every disease and patch every injury, it's really just a game by your own government to control your life so you can't do anything while they sell off your country to their billionaire masters.

Porkchop said... we know about billie piper... what other human women would you allow to partake of the splooge of the ruler of the known universe... photos please

MOXARGON- When did we become Mr. Skin? Listen Bub, I'm sure you'll find plenty of nikked ladies on the interwebs, and maybe one day, a real woman will touch you without getting paid.
MOXARGON- What is Zooey Deschannel doing here?

Porkchop said... What do you make of the new Big Brother scheme where the white house is asking you to turn in "fishy emails" and things to them?

MOXARGON- Strictly amateur hour. Dick Cheney could simply read all your e-mails with just the power of his mind. And guess what he found out, people are boring. Our last question is from Germany, I guess, and it was a really long one, but I've cut it down to the essence, because you know how Germans like to talk.

DHH- Why are movies from Canada designated as being from "CDN"?

XRAN- Because "CAN" would make people think it somehow involves a canned foodstuff, like tuna. Also, to bug the shit out of you, personally.

MOXARGON- Well, that's all, and it was a doozy, so keep watching the skies because we're watching you. Damn I need a drink, and I think I'll call Zooey...

THE FOLLOWING IS A PAID POLITICAL ANNOUNCEMENT

THE LEFTIST MIND: ASTROTURF!! ASTROTURF!!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Time to dip our toes into that massive snake-pit called THE LEFTIST MIND.

There's a lot of anger, recriminations, and accusations over the Obamacare plan, and the Left and their media sock-puppets are screaming "CONSPIRACY!" at the top of their lungs. What's inspiring this paranoia is the seemingly spontaneous discontent among voters over the proposed destruction of the American health care system.

The Democrats are calling this an "astroturf" movement, staged by a secret cabal of millionaires, using raging mobs of allegedly professional protesters who are just too well dressed to be real Americans.

Now you're probably wondering why they're slandering voters that way, well the answer is simple.

It's called "Projection."

That's when someone accuses someone else of doing what they do all the time.

Remember, the political left is founded and funded by billionaires, has organizations like ACORN, who do nothing but run bogus protest movements, and specialize in arranging for professional protesters to harass confound and confuse the people they hate, all in the name of grassroots action.

So when a real grassroots movement starts, fueled by real outrage, the Left automatically assumes that it's just their enemies hitting them back with their own tactics. They honestly can't believe that anyone would dare disobey them without some sort of conspiracy behind it, because when it comes to everything they do, there is a conspiracy behind it.

That's all. Questions are closed at 16 or so questions, and thanks for asking, we'll be answering them over the weekend, and remember to keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

This is classic...

Greeting puny Earthlings, just a quick note today. This video is going to give the White House ideas (ht-Hot Air)

U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt

Keep watching the skies because we're watching you, and be sure to put any questions you have in the comments.

GOTTA QUESTION

Then, puny Earthlings, you better leave it here.

Because the brightest brains in the Known Universe are gathering next week to answer them.

So if you're looking for answers that mere humanoid brains can't answer, then leave it in the comments.

All questions welcome, all answers will be final, correct, and brilliant.

Now get asking, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.