Enough with the name calling!

A
SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY
by
JOY BEHAR

(Co-Host of The View)

You folks know me as "The Funny One" on The View, and how my witty repartee has set a new standard of intelligent and polite conversation.

But I'd like to be serious for a moment to discuss a problem that threatens America's very democracy.

I'm talking about NAME CALLING.

Those fascist baby-blood spilling Christian fundamentalist bitch-bastards on the Right have taken a break from their Klan meetings where they plot lynchings and abortion clinic bombings to destroy America's freedom by calling the sainted people that disagree with them names.

That's why we must eliminate free speech for the evil inbred Christian blood for oil trading motherf*ckers and leave it in the hands of people like me, who know how to be civil.

Now that would be great.

WFB- RIP

William F. Buckley, conservative thinker and founder of the National Review passed away.

His work compelled three generations of Earthlings to think. And not to think like him, but to think for themselves, which made the American conservative movement the big tent that it is today.

He will be missed.

1925-2008

Pierre Elliot Obama...

Hi folks. Vox Poplar, token Earthling, here.

Folks in the American media have been gushing in their comparisons between Barack Obama and John F. Kennedy, but some Canadian commentators, me included, have noticed another, more striking resemblance.

Back in the 1960s Canadians witnessed the rise of a politician with incredible charm, and panache, who charmed a generation into a mindless swoon that still exists to this day.

That politician was Pierre Elliot Trudeau. Like Obama he played on his mixed heritage (Scottish & French) to make himself a figure of reconciliation for Canada's 2 solitudes and more importantly an agent of change.

No one knew exactly what that change was supposed to be, Trudeau avoided any specifics, but it was the 60s and any change was considered an absolute good.

His opponents tried to play up his radical leftist leanings, but the popular press ignored it, because he was just so playful, witty, and above all charming.

Now he became Prime Minister on this wave of popularity, held office for 15 years, and he tore the country apart.

His lite-socialist policies wrecked the economy, racked up enormous debts, crippled the military, created unconstitutional human rights tribunals, ruined the Canadian national identity, turned Canada from a post-WW2 major power, to a global non-entity. He even once suspended the constitution and instituted a state of near martial law that made the Patriot Act and FISA look like an ACLU wish list. Ironically, that brought on his only real success, the crushing of FLQ a Francophone separatist terrorist group. Ironically the FLQ, many say, was borne from Trudeau's alienation of the people of Quebec.

To this day, the same baby-boomers who voted him into office would gladly do it again. Sure everything he touched was a disaster, and he stomped out centuries of common-law liberty for mainland Euro-cratic top down rule by judicial fiat, but if his zombified corpse rose from the grave muttering for brains, they'd vote for him.

Now the major difference between Obama and Trudeau, like with everything else associated with Obama is experience. Before running for Prime Minister, Trudeau was an attorney, a political theorist, and activist, with numerous writings and senior ministerial positions.

Obama's record is a knack for getting elected, and the authorship of two books. Now these two books weren't about politics, or anything like that, but mostly Obama telling you about how great Obama is.

So the next time you look at Barack Obama. Think about Trudeau and how Canada is still cleaning up after him, over 24 years after his retirement.

Your Questions Answered!

MOXARGON: Greeting puny Earthlings. It's time to answer your questions. The others are all busy making excuses to not do any work, so I'll be doing it all by myself. So let's get to the first question:

RememberSekhmet asked...
So, what do you think is going to happen at the Democrats' convention?

Here's my theory. Hillary will bribe the superdelegates to give her a win, sparking riots at the convention. She will run for president and she will lose.

Wyatt Earp asked...
If Hillary Clinton leaves New York at 1pm traveling at 55 mph, and Nancy Pelosi leaves California at 3pm traveling at 65 mph, when will they meet in a head-on collision replete with fireballs?

Somewhere outside Kansas City. Android CAI/7 would be more accurate, but I'm not that good at math.

Anonymous said...
Why do they still sell things like Head Cheese at the Deli counter in my local market?

That's for when Snotglob comes to visit.

Damian G. asked...
Has Ann Coulter officially outlived her usefulness following her announcement that she now supports Hillary Clinton over John McCain?

It happened long before that. Coulter can be cutting and funny, but she has an overwhelming desire for attention that she doesn't care what she says, or the damage her words can do to what she considers "her side."

Wyatt Earp said...
Who put the bop in the bop she-bop she-bop?

Xran. Which is why he has to give up 3/4 of his salary to child support.

RT said...
How do you feel about the U.S. military shooting satellites out of the sky?

We think it's cute. Kind of like watching a toddler strutting around so proud because they used the potty for the first time.

It's not going to help you. But it is cute.

momster said...
My son worries abut aliens coming to suck his brains out. What can I say to reassure him?

He doesn't have to worry as long as the deli counter has a good supply of head-cheese for Snotglob.

Chris in NC asked...
Why should anyone believe McCain when on a Sunday in California he said that he would never want Roe V. Wade to fall and 4 days later in the Bible Belt he's talking about his active role in trying to kill Roe V. Wade?

Because people will believe anything.

Chris in NC asked...
Where do we get these sucky candidates?

Democracies get the candidates they deserve. So embrace your doom.

Chris in NC asked...
Why haven't you just come down here and wiped out the losers in charge already and imposed a rule that would be much better than what we have?

Then where would I go for entertainment?

Chris in NC asked...
How many demons are gang raping that fake prophet of the religion of piss "mohammed" at any given time in hell?

I'm not an expert on theology. I suggest you go to the nearest mosque and ask the congregation.

mrshoppes asked...
Who was the first person to look at an egg coming out of a chicken's butt and thought "YUMMY!"

His name was Thag Rocktosser, and he was also the first person to eat an oyster.

dragonlady474 asked...
What is th airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

African, or European?

flightmedic934 said...
Should Obama be elected to the highest office in the land, what is the correct and proper salutation, Mr President, Your most high worshipfulness, or Der Fuhrer?

You can choose between Mr. President, or The Black Barney Fife.

CINCIMADDOG said...
What is a predatory lender, and what does it eat? Do they make good pets?

A predatory lender is a financial institution more concerned with short term greed, than long term success. It eats mortgages, usually until it chokes to death, and they make poor pets as they tend to poop on everything around them.

That's all for now, so keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK (Feb. 22/2008)

Greetings puny Earthlings, it's another week, another wave of inane douchebaggery.

THE NEW YORK TIMES- For the basic treachery of endorsing McCain while they were sitting on a thinly sourced story & probably inaccurate story that claimed he was sleeping around with a lobbyist. Am I the only one to notice a creepy resemblance between the alleged mistress and McCain's wife? Hell, it could have just been mistaken identity? Although it did succeed in convincing many Republicans into thinking McCain's not all that bad if the Paper of Discord is after him.

MIKE HUCKABEE- Just because he's Huckabee.

HILLARY CLINTON- For her backroom machinations designed to violate party rules to bring more delegates in for her over Barack Obama. Nothing like being a sociopath to help you get the job done.

SERBIA- For not realizing, after all that's happened, the reasons why no one likes them.

SAUDI ARABIA- Managed to find a new level of douchebaggery by ordering the execution of a woman for... get this... witchcraft. Now I don't like Hillary Clinton either, but...

Oh, that's enough for today. If you have any questions for the group, CLICK HERE and leave it in the comments, we will probably answer them on Sunday.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

2 Michelles & One Angry Brandy

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Michelle Malkin wrote an article critical of Michelle Obama's statements that her husband's success made her proud of America for the first time in her adult life, and got this angry letter from an Obama supporter.

And be warned, like a lot of Leftist attempts at arguments, its language is NSFW.

from Brandy Priestess playpoli@yahoo.com
to malkinblog@gmail.com,
date Feb 20, 2008 8:44 AM
subject: Bitch, you’re retarded and your thoughts on Madame President Obama doesn’t count

Michelle Malkin,
No matter how many white men you fuck and no matter how many white asses you kiss, you will always be “A wanna be white woman”, silly ass Bitch..

Except Bitch,” 2 asians fucking, don’t make a white”. Do you really think Mrs. Obama gives a fuck about what you think about her?

You have a lot to be thankful for Bitch, fucking a white man gave you a good life in America, a life you could never have where your fucking ancestors were born.

Just be thankful that your lack of self decency allowed you to suck the white man’s dick to get where you are in life, you fucking sell out cunt.

Look at what you job is : “MAKING STUPID RACIST COMMENTS ABOUT A WOMAN OF COLOR, WHEN YOU CLAIM YOU’RE A WOMAN OF COLOR.”

Show me the white woman named Ming Lee Malkin, but there’s tons of sell out Asian Bitches like yourself who think nothing of naming your Asian and bi-racial children white names. Blacks have white names because of Slavery, you have white names and semen in your body because you hate yourself and your slant eyes.

You pray that your bi-racial child by a white man will come out more white than Asian.

No wonder the white man loves Asia to fill out all of his pedophile tendencies, you Bitches will move in with him and let him fuck your children just as long as he’ll give you his credit card and allow you to pretend that you’re an honorary white woman. BITCH PLEASE.

FYI HO: “Fuck you and the Bitch (your mother) that had you.”

Now how’s that for free speech, silly dumb ass HO?

Wow.

Let's begin at the beginning:

Subject Line:

1) It opens with an insult. Mostly rude, childish name-calling, which is the Leftist's first line of defence when presented with an actual argument.

2) It declares that Michelle Malkin's "thoughts don't count" because the Leftist hates free thought and free expression.and regularly decide whose opinions "count" and whose "don't count."

3) It contains an factual error. Michelle Obama is not "Madame President" and isn't even running for that position. She is the wife of a candidate for the nomination of a political party. If you can't tell the difference, then you don't deserve to vote.

First Paragraph:

1) Like pretty much all attacks against Mrs. Malkin, they open with attacks on how they perceive Michelle Malkin began her career. And since Leftists are also hard-core racists, they cannot acknowledge that she may have succeeded through hard work and perseverance, and automatically assumed that her career was somehow dispensed to her by "The White Man" in exchange for some sort of sexual favour. I understand that's how Dennis Prager got his start.

2) The Leftist's racist beliefs assume that anyone who is not white, and not a leftist like them, is some sort of "race traitor" who is a "wannabe white person." This is because the Leftist does not see people as individuals but groups, who should not be capable of independent thought.

Second Paragraph:

1) Restate racist/sexist "wannabe" comments with typically dreadful grammar. The Leftist is a firm believer in Goebbels who said that if you lie loud enough and often enough, it becomes the truth.

2) The Leftist declares that Madame President Obama is too important, too god-like, to worry about criticism, leaving that job to inarticulate ranters like herself. This comes from the Leftist's innate fascist desire for the classic "strongman" who will solve all the world's problems.

Third Paragraph:

1) Restate racist/sexist statements.

Fourth Paragraph:

1) Restate racist/sexist statements.

Fifth Paragraph:

1) The Leftist declares Michelle's expulsion from the sorority of "women of colour" for her failure to blindly obey the party line, and for using the party's own language of identity politics against them. The Leftist hates it when their own tropes are used against them in intelligent arguments.

Sixth Paragraph:

1) The Leftist shifts their racist/sexist attacks using wildly inaccurate ethnography based more on preconceived prejudices that any actual fact. The Leftist Mind is a racist mind.

2) Play the "slave card" even though slaves haven't existed in America for over 140 years, and just forget about the war to end slavery that killed hundreds of thousands of white men.

3) Project own self-hatred onto Malkin for having her own mind.

Seventh Paragraph:

1) Project more self-hatred onto Malkin using her children as fair game, even though you're attacking her for criticizing an adult over public statements.

Eighth Paragraph:

1) Since racist/sexist attacks are getting stale the Leftist then shifts to mean spirited attacks against her family. Including accusations of paedophilia, based on their own deluded prejudices.

2) Then the Leftist brings up the old "Asian prostitute/White pervert sugar-daddy attack" again, because the Leftist is basically a racist who if they didn't have their prejudices, they wouldn't have anything in their brains.

Ninth Paragraph:

1) One last childish and foul mouthed foot-stomp.

Tenth Paragraph:

1) Then the Leftist declares their own right to free speech, as a defence for their attempts to bully someone else out of theirs. Because deep down, they're all hypocrites.

I hope you Earthlings found this illuminating, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

___________________________

And if you have a question: CLICK HERE and leave it in the comments.

Hey-hey-hey, Goodbye!

Fidel Castro has announced his retirement.

Well here are somethings he can do to fill his autumn years:

1. Move to Miami, I understand there's a lot of Cuban retirees living there. I'm sure they'll have a lot in common.

2. Pursue a career as a celebrity endorser. I think Depends needs someone.

3. Become a masked wrestler in Mexico under the name Il Diablo Incontinento.

4. Join the cast of the next season of Dancing with the Dictators!

5. Get a job with the Obama campaign.

_______________________

Have a question?

Then CLICK HERE and leave it for the MoxArgon Group to answer.

Ask The MoxArgon Group: Depth of Winter Edition

To bring a little sunshine in your bleak little lives I've decided that it's time for another edition of
ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP!

So put your questions in the comments, and we'll answer them as only the most supreme intellects in the Known Universe can.

Che-Che-Che-Changes...

Ola.

It's me, Ernesto, but you can call me Che, everybody does. Especially the big red guy with the horns and the pitchfork who keeps rotating the the cactus that's lodged in my rectum and pouring in the hot sauce. Today is Scotch Bonnet day... not nice.

I guess I'm supposed to thank Vox Poplar and his digital ouija board for getting me a few minutes from my damnation to post this blog-thing, but he's a North Americano capitalist swine, so screw him.

But I would like to thank the Barack Obama's campaign workers in Texas for this...
Yep, that's me hanging in the Texas campaign office of the Democratic Party's front-runner Barack Obama. I have to admit, I found the picture so funny I almost pissed out the fire that regularly roasts my genitals into leathery cinders.

Boy, only someone who doesn't know shit about me would allow my picture to appear on anything but toilet paper.

I was a warmonger who is idolized by so-called pacifists.

A homophobe praised by gay rights activists.

A pompous elitist snob now seen as a working class hero.

A sexist worshipped by feminists.

A racist admired by civil rights activists.

A mass murderer who is hailed by death penalty opponents.

A coward who is thought of as a hero.

Essentially, I was a minor league Hitler or Stalin wannabe, and that's why I'm where I am today. I even screwed the economy which was actually in good shape before I came along, because I was basically an idiot.


Oh, crap.

I gotta go, it's almost time for them to shove flaming hot pokers up my nose and rotate my cactus one more time.

So in closing, you lefties should probably stop worshipping me, because for every T-Shirt with my face on it, I get a hemorrhoid the size of a monkey's fist.

Give a guy a break.

DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK (Feb. 15/2008)

Hi Earthlings. TekTak here, with the latest instalment of DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEKS so here they are:

THE ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY SHOOTER: I don't have the douchebag's name at the time of this writing, and even if I did, I won't post it. Publicity is what these douchebag's crave, so I say we deny it to them, and only refer to them as "douchebags." And Remulak has asked me to pass on a little message to all those who think that going on a killing spree will somehow solve their problems: "KILL YOURSELF FIRST YOU DOUCHEBAGS!"

CONGRESSIONAL DEMOCRATS: For blocking, obstructing, and generally obfuscating American national security for the political gain earned by toadying to the Kos Kids and oily billionaires. Classy.

MAYOR CARTY FINKBEINER OF TOLEDO: For barring the US Marines from training in methods to protect his city from terrorists because it offends his Democratic Party postures.

CINDY SHEEHAN: Remulak had considered not putting her on this list because of her losses, of both her son, her marriage, her dignity, and her sanity. But now she's out protesting on behalf of the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt. She's essentially now in open support of Al Qaida, which spawned from the Brotherhood. She's essentially pissing on her son's grave to feed her own egomania as the self-proclaimed "Peace Mom."


So to the folks on this list, please remember this little message from your Intergalactic betters:


And keep watching the skies and all that.

It's all America's Fault...

Professor Juan Cole
Explains Why the Word
"Islamofascist" is Racist, Offencive
Inaccurate, Insulting, and Fattening

by Prof. Juan Cole.


Hello.

I'm here to tell you all about the evil racist Zionist fascist Nazis use and abuse language to keep the fascist state of Amerikkka enthralled to their blood-drinking Israeli Zionist Likudnik Masters and put us all in a state of never-ending war with the peace-loving Islamist fundamentalists.

I'm talking about the word "Islamofascist." It's nothing but a foul lie used to slander innocent people like Osama Bin Ladin, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and all those poor innocent suicide bombers who are standing against the bloodthirsty crypto-Zionist conspiracy.

The people of the Nazi state of Amerikkka are the last people to comment on anyone else, considering the roots of the current conflict, and how it's all our fault.

If Amerikkka hadn't forced the creation of the state of Israel in 1948, we'll all be living in peace today.

Sure Sayyid Qutb was so shocked and appalled by the behaviour of people at a church social in Greeley Colorado in 1947....

...And Hajj Amin al-Husseini the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem was working with Adolph Hitler in the 1930s and 1940s...

...But they were only mad because of Amerikkkan's Imperialism!

Yeah, that's right...

Sure, the Barbary Pirates were attacking and enslaving Amerikkkans and using the Koran for justification when Amerikkka's empire consisted of the original 13 colonies...

But that was because Amerikkkans were Christians and the Christians started it all when the did the Crusades.

Okay, maybe the Crusades wouldn't have happened if Islamic Armies hadn't invaded the Holy Land and forced the people there to convert by the sword, but I'm sure they had a good reason for it...

And it would be Amerikkka's fault somehow.

What were we talking about?

Xran Investigates- The Obama Oppo Files!

Howdy my little Earthling friends.

Xran here, and as the internet's most respect investigative journalist, I come across many big scoops.

Normally, I'm too lazy to do anything about them, but ever since Remulak threatened convinced me to post them.

Today, I have Hillary Clinton's double top secret opposition research/dirty tricks files on her opponent Barack Obama.

Here's an excerpt:

MEMO:

To: Clinton, Hillary (candidate)
From: Peepen, Tom (director Oppo-Research)

To be blunt, things are getting down to the wire. While we still have a lead in delegates, Obama is beating us in fundraising, celebrity endorsements, and momentum.

Our attempts to imitate his style of bland platitudes and avoiding issues haven't worked, and there aren't enough tears to win any more states.

So I'm proposing we do what Clinton Democrats do best, destroy all of our enemies.

Here are some possible tactics we can unleash on the Obama campaign:

• We spread rumours that Barack Obama is the illegitimate love child of Don Knotts and Nichelle Nichols from Star Trek.
• Plant cocaine in Obama's hotel room.
  
• Hussein! Hussein! Hussein! Hussein!
• Plant a Koran in Obama's hotel room.
  
• Keep pimping out your daughter Chelsea on the campaign trail, and freak out when anyone criticizes you about it.
• Plant a prostitute in Obama's hotel room.
  
• Figure out how to scare white people to vote for you again. Start mispronouncing Barack Obama's name as "Idi Amin."
• If that's not nuanced enough call him "Barack Osama."
• Plant cocaine powdered Korans in his hotel room.
• Drug Oprah with LSD during campaign appearance.
  
• Plant dead prostitute in his hotel room.
• Spread rumours that Obama is really George W.'s long lost brother.
• Plant drugged Oprah in Obama's hotel room.
  
• Send Obama for a drive by the seaside with Teddy Kennedy.

Let me know what tactic you think is underhanded enough for this campaign.

Yours in service to our Dark Lord

-Tom Peepen
(director opposition research)

Wow, shocking stuff. Keep watching the skies, because Hillary's watching Obama.

Yikes!