Ask The MoxArgon Group

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings, I'm Remulak MoxArgon and welcome to another edition of The MoxArgon Group. Now we're cross posting over at Conservathink this week, so I want all you louts to watch your language and to put some damn pants on.

XRAN- Sheesh, uptight or what?

MOXARGON- Joining me as usual are Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, and Varos Quasar. Now instead of doing what all the other pundits are doing and harping on poor Israel for having the gall to defend itself, we're going to open up the Intergalactic MailSac and answer some reader questions. I believe you have the first message Xran.

XRAN- Right here. A fellow named Beebeep It's Me wrote:

"When fascism comes to America I will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross," -Sinclair Lewis.

ANDROID CAI/7- Looks like someone got out their Big Book of Quotations today.

VAROS- It's not really a question, more like a general statement.

MOXARGON- Still, I'd like to answer it. You see, Sinclair Lewis honestly did think fascism would come to America waving a cross and draped in the Old Glory, but Lewis also thought socialism would bring about peace and the brotherhood of man. Android Cai/7, how many Earthlings were murdered in the name of socialism?

ANDROID CAI/7- Approximately 100 million Earthlings. However, that's not including those who died of things like starvation or poor medical care.

MOXARGON- I guess that shows that the late Mr. Lewis didn't know everything. Next letter.

VAROS- This one's from Damian G. whom we're blog-sitting for. He asks if any Earthling Bishops have made pilgrimages to any of our worlds?

MOXARGON- Some have, but that information's classified, and if we told you the whole story, we'd have to wipe your brain with an anal probe.

VAROS- Isn't that what's happening to him at camp?

MOXARGON- No, he's getting brainwashed, that requires implanting brain worms, not probes.

VAROS- I was never good at neurology.

MOXARGON- What's the next letter Xran?

XRAN- This one is from... uh-oh...

MOXARGON- What's wrong?

XRAN- It's from Noam Chomsky.

ANDROID CAI/7- He makes my circuits ache.

MOXARGON- Well, he bothered to write to us, so we should at least read it.

XRAN- Noam Chomsky writes:

Salutatious felicitations to you and your Trans-Spatial brethren from Noam Chomsky. I am esurient and estuous to engage in a leptory with your august personage on the subject of Israel. Do you believe that the Hebraic Zionist Metternichian state of Israel is engaging in nomism with their tantivy response into the former land of Phoenicia, in response to the harmless actions of the noble people of Hezbollah, or are they revealing their true thanatoid nature?

VAROS- I haven't got a clue what he's talking about.

XRAN- Try reading the damn thing.

ANDROID CAI/7- My circuits are burning.

MOXARGON- Don't worry. I've purchased a special computer from Radio Shack that has a special BS translator. Basically he's asking if we would join him in flogging Israel for defending itself.

ANDROID CAI/7- Oh, that? No. Israel is engaging in the only logical course left open to it by events.

XRAN- The day you're not allowed to kick ass in defense of your own country, you are dead.

VAROS- If you're so concerned about civilian casualties, why don't you go and stop your friends in Hezbollah from bombing hospitals and launching their rockets in civilian areas.

MOXARGON- Okay, I've got the last letter. It's by a Markos... I can't pronounce that... Markos Whosis, and it reads:

Dear MoxArgon Group. You are all a bunch of whiny chickenhawk wimps who won't join the fascist imperialist army you praise so damn much. I was in the army in peacetime, I know the real meaning of sacrifice, so I have the only right to have an opinion. Screw you, screw the horse you rode in on, and screw your planets.

XRAN- That's not a question.

MOXARGON- Yep. More like an incoherent rant. We also had to correct the spelling and grammar to make it postable. But it does raise a question. This Whosis fellow likes to brag about his army experience and how it qualifies him to judge America as fascist and evil, well the question I have to ask him is why he isn't fighting?

VAROS- Good point. Making speeches and that are all well and good, but if the Bush administration is truly a fascist dictatorship that won't do any good.

ANDROID CAI/7- Yes, the only logical point is that this fellow quit his ranting and go join the ranks of Al Qaida or Hezbollah to fight who he considers the real enemy.

XRAN- Yeah. He's letting his military background go to waste by ranting and raving he should pick up a gun and go to Syria to join Michael Moore's beloved minutemen.

MOXARGON- Perhaps he's a chickendove? A creature willing to rant for peace, but is unwilling to physically fight for it.

ANDROID CAI/7- Logically, fighting for peace would make him a neo-con.

VAROS- Oooh, cosmic.

MOXARGON- And let's not forget, we don't join armies, we build them and command them. That's all the time for now folks. We'll see you later, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Point/Counterpoint: Hezbollocks?

TEKTAK- Greetings Earthlings, and welcome to another edition of Point / Counter-point. I'm Tektak F. Mechanoid from the Right.

SNOTGLOB- And I'm Snotglob the Mutant from the Left.

TEKTAK- I'd like to thank Remulak Moxargon for sitting in for me last time while I was on holiday. I tried to thank him in person, but for some reason he wasn't answering his door.

SNOTGLOB- I can answer that one. There's some video of Michelle Malkin on a trampoline going around.

TEKTAK- That does explain it. But let's get to the main reason we're here. Earthling politics. War has broken out in the Middle East as Israel takes on both Hamas in the Gaza Strip, and Hezbollah in Southern Lebanon...

SNOTGLOB- What a horribly disproportionate response! Those terrible Israelis going around beating everyone up, especially those poor Hezbollah peace activists, it's just terrible!

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! What have you been using for a brain lately?

SNOTGLOB- One I sucked out of a New York Times editorial writer.

TEKTAK- That explains it.

SNOTGLOB- That's how I know that those nastly Israelis are only harming innocent people with their cold blooded war mongering. Hezbollah is the protector of the Lebanese people!

TEKTAK- You really are getting dumber every day. The only people Hezbollah is protecting are the Ayatollahs of Iran. They started this little war partly to distract et world from Iran's nuclear weapons program, and partly to one-up Hamas on the outrage meter.

SNOTGLOB- But Hezbollah said that they're protecting their people from the Israelis.

TEKTAK- Gee, a political group that lies, stop the freakin' presses! The Israelis wouldn't have even looked at them funny if they hadn't kidnapped those poor soldiers and started lobbing rockets and missiles at hospitals and schools. Protectors don't start wars for no reason other than the orders of a foreign theocracy! Protectors do not put their rocket launchers among homes, schools and mosques hoping that the Israeli retaliation will kill enough civilians to get on network tv.

SNOTGLOB- Exactly, that's why Israel should stop!

TEKTAK- Let's have a little thought experiment, a Tarkellian comes into your office brandishing a thermal disruptor and has his own spawnling strapped to his chest. You turn on your repulsor shield just as he fires. The disruptor beam hits your shield, rebounds, and disintegrates both the Tarkellian and his spawnling. Are you guilty of killing the spawnling?

SNOTGLOB- Of course.

TEKTAK- And that's why your species is almost extinct. It's the exact same mind-set you find in moonbat pundits who think Hezbollah is some sort of peaceful social club.

SNOTGLOB- But Hezbollah runs schools.

TEKTAK- Sure, schools that teach you to hate Jews, Christians, Druze, Sunni, Hindu and everyone else on that silly little planet. They've got one purpose, and that is to kill everyone who stands in the way of some sort of mystical Iranian Empire run by the mythical Mahdi and his catamite Ahmadinejad. This war is ugly, it is nasty, and it has to be fought and it has to be won. Because defeat for the free world would put the entire planet into an age of darkness and bloodshed that it has never seen before.

SNOTGLOB- Maybe if the free people were nicer to the Iranians then there wouldn't be any problems.

TEKTAK- Get your head out of your second rectum Snotglob. The Israelis have been nice, they've given billions in aid to the Palestinians in the hope of buying peace, it brought nothing but war. They pulled out of Lebanon to appease Hezbollah, and to repay that kindness they started a war. The Israelis are being surprisingly gentle with this war, warning civilians to avoid attacks, and attempting to minimize casualties. Anyone who calls this act of self defense disproportionate should have their head examined.

SNOTGLOB- Man you're just a puppet of the Zionist conspiracy.

TEKTAK- And you've just proved my point. Goodbye everyone, see you next time.

Jump Earthlings Jump!

Funny vlog from Michelle Malkin and Hot Air.

Are You In A Fascist Dictatorship?

A Remulak MoxArgon Editorial

Greetings puny Earthlings. It's time for me to dispense that special brand of wisdom only a more evolved alien being can dispense.

I believe it was Tom Wolfe who said that intellectuals always say that the dark cloud of fascism is always coming to America, but only seems to land in Europe. Well, a lot of Americans, especially on the political left, are going around claiming that the dark cloud has finally landed in America, thanks to Chimpy Bushitler and Co.

Now that's dumber than a pack of Sarpedian voles after eating a bush full of dingleberries.

I've composed a simple test that will tell you if America really is a fascist dictatorship. If you answer yes to any of these questions, then it's Heil Bush, answer no, and you're just a moonbat moron.

1. Have any of America's many left-wing celebrities been arrested, forcibly exiled, beaten or executed by government order? You can't claim falling sales as oppression. I'm a dictator, I know oppression and that ain't it.

2. Has the American government begun large scale arrest and interment of Muslim/Arab Americans?

3. Has the American government banned anti-government television, films, blogs, or books? Example: Law & Order, where only Republicans are at fault, Daily Kos, etc.

4. Does the American media cower from revealing government secrets?

There's all you need to know.

And if you still believe that America is some sort of fascist wonderland, then leave. There's always room in Iran and North Korea for 'progressives' like you.

Toss In Iran & I'll Agree With That...

InterGalactic RoundTable #8: Everything's Goin' To Hell

MOXARGON- Greetings puny earthlings. It's time for another edition of the MoxArgon Group. Joining me as always is Xran, Android Cai/7, and Varos Quasar. First up today, the Bombay Bombings. A series of tightly coordinated explosions aimed at commuter trains killed several hundred innocent people in the Mumbai India, and wounded hundreds more. What do you folks think?

XRAN- Deplorable.

ANDROID CAI/7- Such senseless violence is an offence against logic.

VAROS- Terrible, truly terrible.

MOXARGON- Some sources say that the bombings were organized by a fugitive gangster living in Pakistan with involvement of Al-Qaida backed Kashmiri militants and members of the Pakistani Intelligence Service.

XRAN- Most likely the Pakistani intelligence is involved. They're so far up Bin Laden's ass they know what he's had for dinner.

ANDROID CAI/7- That is a very logical conclusion.

VAROS- What about the other suspects?

MOXARGON- What other suspects?

VAROS- Look at the date, 7/11. Look at the place, India. What person has a fixation on East Indians and convenience stores?

MOXARGON- Are you saying that you suspect...

VAROS- JOE BIDEN!

(Everyone laughs)

XRAN- He couldn't organize a shag in a bordello, much less a terrorist attack.

ANDROID CAI/7- I will second that thought.

MOXARGON- Too bad Biden's a Democrat, if he was a Republican your theory will be endorsed by Allan Colmes and the Daily Kos. Let's move on to the next topic. Former CIA analyst, Life Magazine photo-model, and Who's Who entry Valerie Plame has filed suit against Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, Bob Novak and just about every one else on the planet over their alleged conspiracy to blow her cover and discredit her husband.

XRAN- Nothing says you want to be kept secret than getting some Botox done before your press conference.

ANDROID CAI/7- Another example of Earthling illogic in action. It looks like an anti-war bureaucrat at the State Department named Armitage told Novak about her role in her husband's highly dubious mission, all Novak had to do was look in the public record.

VAROS- It's not like they needed to do anything special to discredit Ambassador Wilson. He's changed his story more times than I change my skin.

MOXARGON- Now that's a lot. Although I disagree with this lawsuit being illogical. It's pointless, but it's not illogical. I'll bet a Surillyan pot to a Jovian kettle that she's got a big book deal, and that her book needs a climactic event like a trial to wrap it all up. No trial, no melodrama. As the rappers say, it's all about the Benjamins. Now let's move onto the ongoing crisis in Israel. After Hezbollah of Lebanon kidnapped two Israeli soldiers in sympathy with their Hamas brethren in Gaza, the Israelis went, for lack of a better word, bugshit. As we speak they are shelling and bombing the royal stuffing out of Hezbollah strongholds in Southern Lebanon. As a special treat, we have on the scene our very own cyborg correspondent TekTak F. Mechanoid and he's coming to us live via trans-dimensional radio. Come in TekTak.

TEKTAK- I can hear you loud and clear.

MOXARGON- What's the situation so far?

TEKTAK- Well it looks like Hezbollah engaged in a real classic pooch-screw this week. They are getting a complete smacking upside the head, and everywhere else. Hezbollah continues to fire rockets into Israeli territory and the Israelis respond with bigger and better rockets.

MOXARGON- Our sensors say you're in Lebanon itself. Did you have any trouble crossing the border?

TEKTAK- Nope. The Hezbollah guards fled in terror when they realized their puny Earthling bullets couldn't penetrate my armour, and the Israelis just enjoyed watching how badly I scared them.

MOXARGON- What's your analysis of the situation? Is the Middle East on the brink of war?

TEKTAK- It's over the brink. The Jews have had their fill of Hamas, Hezbollah, and their toadies killing and kidnapping their people, so they are kicking ass and taking names. Only one thing keeps it from escalating into total war, and that is if Israel holds back from striking the people truly responsible for the crisis.

MOXARGON- Who are the people truly responsible for this?

TEKTAK- Obviously it's Iran and it's catamite client state Syria behind all the recent violence, no matter what the UN says. You see groups like Hamas and Hezbollah have no purpose but to perpetuate conflict with Israel to entertain their Iranian masters and distract the rest of the world. This plan could take this crisis and turn it into total war when Israel strikes them as well, which could happen anytime.

MOXARGON- Do you think eliminating the Ayatollahs of Iran and Bashar Asshat Assad of Syria will end the violence?

TEKTAK- With the way things are now, it couldn't make things worse. I better go now or we'll be charged extra for the trans-dimensional long distance.

MOXARGON- Good luck Tektak, and we'll see you when you get back. And that's all for today folks, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Rolling Fast, Fastly Rolling Away

Mother Sheehan has started a hunger strike to bring the troops home, however there seems to be more exceptions to the rules of her fast than the US constitution. Sadly she lacks the cojones to go all the way like Bobby Sands and his IRA comrades in the early 80s. Now they knew how to hunger strike, and they died to prove it.

Here's Michelle Malkin's take on the issue.



Why is the sight of Michelle Malkin eating such a turn on for me?

Another MoxArgon Mailsac Special.

Greetings puny Earthlings, it's your future imperial ruler Remulak MoxArgon here, to answer some questions posed by other bloggers in our comments section.

First up is Damian G. with this question:

Damian G. said...

I was wondering, who are the equivalent of Jews on your worlds?

The answer to that question is that we don't have an equivalent to Earthling Jews on our worlds, we actually have real Jews. You know the rule: Where there is oxygen and the freedom to breathe it, there'll be Jews.

In fact, our Point/Counterpoint pundit TekTak F. Mechanoid is Jewish, and he happens to be on vacation in Israel right now. The Palestinians better hope the Israelis don't draft him while he's there, they'd be left hurtin' for certain if that happened.

In fact, the intergalactic presence of the Jewish faith is one of the main reasons why Earthling Anti-Semitism boggles our vast alien intellects. It's pretty much a constant in the Universe that the presence of Jews is a positive for any society, so the fact that so many Earthlings want to destroy them, for no real good reason, just illustrates how unevolved and backward you truly are.

Now since I brought up the issue of religion I guess you'll want to know what faith everyone else in the group follows, so here's a list.

1. Remulak MoxArgon - Flokian Catholic Church
   
2. Xran The FleshRender- Zygorthian Orthodox
3. Android CAI/7 - Quantum Presbyterian
4. Varos Quasar - Trilorian Methodist
5. TekTak F. Mechanoid- Temple Beth Cyborg
6. Snotglob T. Mutant - Flavour Faith of the Week Club

I hope that answered your question.

PS: To answer your other question: We only roast enemies on a spit, and we use mogarg sauce, only crude yahoos use gloomarb sauce. We don't roast people who haven't displeased us, yet.

Now That's Classy

Just when you thought the left couldn't get any moonbattier, along comes someone calling themself Deb Frisch.

Little Debbie is supposed to be a PhD educator in insanity psychology, and guess what she did to show the world how smart and sensitive she is: She Threatened A 2 Year Old Toddler.

Yep, she made what could easily be construed as deliberate threats of kidnapping, sexual assault, and murder against the two year old son of Jeff Goldstein, the man behind Protein Wisdom. And her allies and defenders on the fascist left are showing their support for threats of rape and murder by hitting Protein Wisdom with multiple denial of service attacks.

So in the interest of education, something Little Debbie doesn't seem too interested in, I've compiled a list of simple questions that will answer if your position on an issue is wrong or not.

1. Do you automatically compare someone with whom you disagree with Hitler?
2. Do you often find yourself dismissing obvious facts to maintain your position? (500 shells of chemical weapons/ Al-Qaida Training Camps)
3. Do you feel compelled to shout down, threaten, interrupt, or even physically assault people you disagree with during public speeches?
4. Do you call for the censorship of publicly discussing opposing ideas, calling it "Hate Speech," or "politically incorrect?"
   
5. Has your political position ever compelled you to side with people and ideas that you otherwise are repelled by?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are wrong. If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, then you are worse than Hitler.

Frank J. of IMAO: One Alien's Perspective

A TRIBUTE TO FRANK J. BY REMULAK MOXARGON

Greetings puny Earthlings. It's your future conqueror Remulak MoxArgon, here to pay tribute to a man whose contribution to the blogosphere is immeasurable. He's brought wit, elegant prose, and incisive political analysis to a field dominated by insult slinging trolls and half-witted know-nothings who think that an internet connection somehow gives them the right to shoot their mouths off.

No one can top this fellow's contributions to the greater good of the Planet Earth. His presence alone elevate Earthling society in general, and not only that he's got movie-star looks and a charming manner that...

What?

I'm supposed to talk about Frank J?

Oh.

Crap.

What can I say about Frank J. that hasn't already been said.

Face it, everybody else has probably used up all the most descriptive words like annoying, humourless, no-talent, time-wasting hack.

What's left for me?

Oh well, I'm an intergalactic conqueror I'm sure I can muddle my way through talking about him in honour of the 4th anniversary of IMAO.

Well, every time I log onto IMAO I am convulsed with laughter. Someday I'm going to get around to actually reading it. So I guess I owe him a little tribute.

Where shall I begin?

Might as well be from the beginning.

Frank J. was born in a manger...

What? That can't be right.

Oh wait, read that wrong.

He was born in a manager's office at a Hooters Restaurant on the planet Krapton in 1938. Times were tough on planet Krapton and the planet was going to explode for reasons I don't need to get into.

Okay, I blew up Krapton, but I had a good reason, the bastards looked at me funny, now can I get back to my story.

Frank J's father Jor-Jel was planning to escape the doomed planet, but Frank J stole the rocket for himself and took off.

Frank J's rocket crash-landed outside the town of Smallville Kansas, which, ironically, was actually a big city of over 500,000 people. There a clan of itinerant Chartered Accountants took him in, teaching the young boy their secrets of comedy. Which wasn't much.

He had a lot troubles learning in school, that was until he realised that he was highlighting his notes with a black magic marker. Once he solved that problem he rocketed up to the stratosphere of mediocrity.

He grew up, eventually, and started a humour blog with a name no one understands. That blog was OgleBogle. Its name was eventually changed to IMAO.

I remember the first time I met Frank J., he doesn't, thanks to the memory wiping anal probe, but I'll never forget it. You never girlish screams like that and I still can't get rid of that stain he left on the examination table.

But let's get back on topic. Over the 4 years IMAO's been polluting the internet Frank J's developed a reputation for being outspoken... by no one.

I believe it was an Earthling named Betrand Russell who said the degree of one's emotions run inversely to their knowledge of the facts, the less one knows the hotter he gets.

Well, not to say Frank J doesn't know much, but IMAO's lack of facts is single-handedly responsible for Earth's Global Warming.

Stick that inconvenient truth in your pipe and smoke it Al Gore.

Of course his celebrity, as it is, has gone to Frank J's head. In fact he's become quite paranoid. Just the other day he said that he was passing a construction site and that he heard the guy hammering the roof calling him a "paranoid little freak" in Morse Code.

After that he told me that he was certain that while he was driving to work the car in front of him was following the wrong way around.

And this paranoia has made him as jumpy as a cat. The other day he put a shirt on, and a button fell off. He went to pick up his Scooby-Doo lunchbox and the handle fell off. Now he's scared to go to the bathroom.

I tried to get him help, and sign him up for a Paranoid's Anonymous meeting, but when I called to book him a spot, they wouldn't tell me where it was.

I finally got him to a psychiatrist, who told Frank J that he had an inferiority complex. And he said: "That's great, now I'm the least of my problems."

But enough about how bad an emotional cripple he is, let's mock him in other areas.

Like his stinginess.

He comes by it naturally. When he was a boy his father fired a shotgun into the night sky on Christmas Eve and told little Frank J that Santa had shot himself.

Frank J is so stingy, he likes to watch porno films in reverse, so he can watch the hooker give the money back.

He was once hospitalized for a horrible dizzy spell, he dropped a nickel in a revolving door and spent fifteen minutes trying to get it back.

And he's awful for borrowing money. Once he asked me if he could borrow fifty bucks, and that he'd pay me back as soon as he got back from Chicago. I asked: "When are you coming back?"

And he answered: "Who's going?"

Of course everyone knows that Frank J has literary ambitions.

Why right now he's working on a short story that so far has taken him six months.

And I thought Snotglob was a slow reader.

He was working on a self-help book called How To Get Along With Everyone, but it was never finished because he got into a fight with his co-author.

However he's also written several short worksof non-fiction like the Best German Humour, Gourmet Recipes of Ireland, Perfect British Smiles, World's Sexiest Bloggers, and Greatest French War Heroes.

His literary pursuits are not without peril. One time he was in a speed reading contest and hit a bookmark. Spent a week in a coma. Either that, or he was just being lazy.

He's also a thinker of deep thoughts.

One day he pondered: "Why do Frisbees seem larger as they get closer?"

And then it hit him.

And with that I bid you all a good night, I'll be here all week, try the veal, and don't forget to tip your waitress.

PS: Can anyone tell me how Jerry Dante got this picture of me and SpaceMonkey at Jackie Mason's Roast two years ago? These things are supposed to be private, we don't let just any snarg-haggler into these things you know.

InterGalactic RoundTable #7: Times, Troubles, and Troubled Times.

MOXARGON- Greeting puny Earthlings. We're all back from vacation, tanned, rested, and ready to dispense our unique brand of intergalactic wisdom. Joining me is my regular panel of Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, and Varos Quasar. Now I tried bringing this topic up when I subbed for Tektak in Point/Counterpoint and got nowhere, so let's take on the New York Times. What do you guys think?

XRAN- Loose mandibles sink ships, and they don't come any looser than the folks at the New York Times and their buddies at the CIA and the Pentagon.

ANDROID CAI/7- It is most illogical to spill the national security secrets of your home nation during a time of war against an enemy who finds the very existence of a free press an anathema.

VAROS- Indeed. Besides, it's not like the Bush Administration was going out secretly anal probing random rural dwellers as part of some elaborate plot to take over the world.

MOXARGON- Yeah, that's us.

XRAN- And the only one who pays us any attention is the Weekly World News.

(All laugh)

MOXARGON- What really amazes me is that the New York Times will give loads of page-space to spilling their nation's secrets, but absolutely no space to the revelations that Saddam Hussein really did have WMDs. Hypocrisy, or treason?

XRAN- Hypocrisy, fueled by Bush derangement syndrome.

ANDROID CAI/7- I say treason.

VAROS- I say a little of both.

MOXARGON- What should be done with Bill Keller and the New York Times? Should it be execution by being fed to the Grells, or a lifetime of servitude in the mucus mines.

XRAN- Mucus mines.

ANDROID CAI/7- Execution.

VAROS- Mucus mines for the New York Times staffers, and execution for the leakers who gave them the info in the first place.

MOXARGON- I'll have to say executions for all, the Grells are little hungry. What do you guys say about a recent piece out of San Francisco that accuses Bush of disliking the New York Times out of anti-semitism?

XRAN- What? Isn't this the same type of moonbat that thinks Bush takes all his orders from Israel?

MOXARGON- I guess he thinks Bush is a self-hating Lieberman loving neo-con. What strikes me as odd is how one can be anti-Semitic against Bill Keller, who isn't even Jewish.

ANDROID CAI/7- That's about as logical of the city council of Berkeley California holding a vote to impeach Bush.

MOXARGON- Now there's one for the big book of empty political gestures, right up there with the Kyoto Accord and the United Nation Commission on Human Rights. Let's move onto our next topic, the Palestinians, led by the terrorist group Hamas, kidnapped a young Israeli soldier and are demanding the release of hundreds of Palestinians in Israeli prisons or they'll kill him. Israel has responded by kicking ass, taking names and declaring that if they do kill the soldier, they will kill their Prime Minister, a fellow named Ismail Haniyah. What do you think?

XRAN- I think the Palestinians blew it. You can only push someone so far before they turn around and hit you with a particle cannon upside your head.

ANDROID CAI/7- Highly illogical. Though no doubt the United Nations will condemn Israel defending itself, why change now.

VAROS- What really strikes me as stupid is that the Palestinians are now claiming to have a stockpile of nerve gas and are willing to use it.

MOXARGON- WMDs in a terrorist state? I wonder where they came from?

XRAN- Someplace that rhymes with Tie-Rack, perhaps.

MOXARGON- Now that's a lose-lose situation for the Palestinians. If they're just bluffing the Israeli's will kick their ass into next week, if it's for real and they actually try to use them, Israel will blast them into halal paté. It's right up in the annals of stupid moves with Zogar the Odorous, Warlord of Threen. Remember him?

XRAN- That's the guy who ordered battle armor for his horde with the spikes on the inside.

MOXARGON- Exactly. That's all the time we have for now folks, so remember to check in next time, and keep watching the skies, because we are watching you.