Here's Some Alternatives...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It looks like President Obama has decided that pissing away hundreds of millions of dollars and endangering the lives of New Yorkers so Eric Holder could expose CIA secrets in open court, wasn't the great idea they originally thought it was. Now the POTUS is looking for alternate venues for the trial of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his catamite cronies.

Since I'm all about helping people, and Obama seems to have a thing about closing Gitmo too, I'm going to offer these alternatives, nay solutions, for this problem.

MONSTER ISLAND

It's owned by Japan, but the Japanese are willing to lease it to the US government at a very affordable price. It's secure, at least from outside threats, and no matter the outcome of the trial, civilization wins. If he's convicted their sentence is to be tossed to the monsters, if found not guilty because someone at the CIA was mean to them, then they can be safely set free to live out the rest of their (short) lives on Monster Island.

SKULL ISLAND

This is technically a sovereign nation, but I checked with the natives, and they are very willing to sign the island over to the USA, in exchange for GETTING OFF SKULL ISLAND. Once there, it's simply a matter of tossing them over the big wall that lies between the village and the jungle.

THE VALLEY OF THE GWANGI

This requires the co-operation of Mexico, but slip someone in power a few pesos, and he'll toss you the key. This is a perfect place for the sort of medieval jurisprudence these Jihadis are so fond of. Set them off, naked and smeared with A1 steak sauce, at one end of the valley, and if they make it to the other end of the valley, then they can go free.

THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT

This is not only a good place to hold trials, but it would make a crackerjack low-maintenance prison for recalcitrant Jihadis. It's essentially a temperate lost valley hidden beneath the ice of Antarctica. Just toss them in, if they escape, then they'll freeze in the Antarctic wastelands. No fuss, no muss.

BIZARRO WORLD

This is the one planet in the Known Universe where right is wrong, and wrong is right. Come to think about it, maybe Eric Holder actually comes from this planet.... that's something to think about.

Anyway, I think these are good alternatives. So keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Xran Xplains: The Fall of McCain-Feingold

Howdy Earthlings!

It's your buddy Xran here to simplify the complicated after they've been complicated by the simple.

Today, I'm going to tackle the recent downfall of McCain/Feingold. So let's get started...

These are
MCCAIN & FEINGOLD
they were going to save

AMERICA
from
LOBBYISTS
who paid off
POLITICIANS
through corporate
CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS
So they* wrote the
MCCAIN FEINGOLD BILL
that banned
CORPORATE CAMPAIGN
CONTRIBUTIONS

But...
the bill was full of
LOOPHOLES
that allowed
BILLIONAIRES

BIG BUSINESS

LABOR UNIONS
&
THE PARTISAN POLITICAL
ORGANIZATIONS THAT
LOVE THEM
to
LAUNDER MONEY
through
527 GROUPS
&
FUNDRAISING "BUNDLERS"
& turn the money into
CAMPAIGN DONATIONS
allegedly from individuals
then the
POLITICIANS
start handing these people
YOUR TAX DOLLARS
via stimulus packages, bailouts, and regulations favoring their interests
and
CORRUPTION
was allowed to run freely out of sight
BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

THE MCCAIN FEINGOLD BILL
was also gross violation of
THE RIGHT TO
FREE SPEECH
which is why the
SUPREME COURT
QUASHED IT

Now the
DEMOCRATS
will tell you that this ruling will favor
REPUBLICANS
with lots of sweet
WALL STREET / BIG BUSINESS MONEY
That's a
BIG FAT PILE OF
CLASS WAR
BULL
WALL STREET & BIG CORPORATIONS
favor
DEMOCRATS
while
SMALL BUSINESSES
favor

REPUBLICANS
and the
DEMOCRATS
need to keep the
SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS
from getting involved in
POLITICS
because they might actually support someone
who supports real
FREE MARKETS
which lead to
REAL FREEDOM
&
POLITICIANS
don't like that.
It also forces the real sources of their
CAMPAIGN MONEY

INTO THE LIGHT

I hope that clears things up for you.

*By "they" I mean a different group of lobbyists wrote the bill for them.

Random Rambling Reality Checks...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Here are a few little reality checks for you to chew on today...

1. If Obama/ Reid/ Pelosi's alleged health care bill was intended to promote people getting health insurance, why do they insist on including punishments for businesses that provide decent health insurance? Could it be that they're more interested in playing their little class warfare games, while making people solely dependent on the state for their health care for the sake of their own power?

2. Obama claims the reasons Scott Brown won in Massachusetts was either anger at Bush, (Say wha?) or that Obama failed to communicate on the issue. The same Barack Obama who made 411 speeches and 158 interviews since taking office failed to communicate on the issue. Time to step down from planet Narcissus and spend some time in the real world with the rest of the Earthling species. Scott Brown won because Obama communicated too much about his intentions to seize control of the US economy and individual liberty and beat them into a fine gruel.

3. Then there's Coakley herself. Talk about the perfect example of a classic liberal elite candidate in a liberal elite state. She assumed that the voters of Massachusetts would vote for anyone who claimed to adhere to the classical leftist shibboleths. Why? Because she said so. She took the obedience of the voters for granted, and was punished for it.

4. I saw the other day that no one in President Obama's national security apparatus were allowed to interrogate, or even briefed about the Xmas Bloomer Bomber. WTF? The moment they dragged his sorry ass off the plane they should have turned him over to whatever equivalent they have of Jack Bauer, and made him the official Bitch of the Year for the intelligence community. But no, despite being legal under the rules of war, that would offend Attorney General Eric Holder's friends in the legal community, who are looking at freshly laundered payments from Saudi Arabia for their services against the country and the constitution.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

On Haiti...

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Right now aid is pouring into Haiti to help the people affected by the recent earthquake, and some folks are praying that the country will soon return to normal.

But in Haiti's case normal is shit.

I know I'm being blunt, but I have to be.

Haiti has no natural resources, no industry, and not much of anything. In fact if you're a Haitian, you are better off out of Haiti. I've dealt with many Haitians who have emigrated to other countries, and the bulk of them become decent hardworking citizens.

And that's what I'm suggesting.

After centuries of bad governments, poverty, and despair, Haiti needs to disband and its people get to join other countries. Let them start new lives in places where they might have a chance to build a life without the fear that some thug with a gun will take it away from them, or that the earth itself will smash everything on them.

It will take billions to rebuild what was destroyed. I say forget about putting up new buildings. Get the people out of there, and use the money to let them build new lives someplace decent.

Random Rambling Reality Checks

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Here are a few quick reality checks.

1. If Martha Coakley has to resort to Al Franken type tactics of zombie voters and finding ballots in abandoned cars to justify her inheritance of Ted Kennedy's seat in the Senate, then voters may finally clue in that it's not about health care, it's not about equality, it's all about power. Getting it, and holding onto it.

2. If a bill is more than 100 pages, at most, then it's nothing more than a scam for power and money hidden behind layers of bogus legalese.

3. A friend told me that Pat Robertson is more interested in attention than salvation, and that's why he says the things he does. Being outraged at him is just giving him what he wants because it means you're paying attention. Ignore him, and he goes away.

4. The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists ticked the "Doomsday Clock" back a full minute because of.... wait for it... the election of Barack Obama. And you know what that means, Earth is now closer to total nuclear annihilation than ever before. Because the BAS deals more in BS when they ignore the simple fact that a psychopathic regime like Iran's is going to go nuclear at any minute because of... wait for it... the election of Barack Obama.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

It's Mine Damn It!!

A
PAID
POLITICAL
ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM
MARTHA COAKLEY

Democratic Candidate for Senate

My fellow Democrats, and the rest of you tea-bagging scum suckers who don't deserve the vote.

I am here to tell you that Massakussetz Maffabusebbs Mazz--- The state with Boston in it, is in a very deep trouble. In fact, the entire state, if not the country is on the precipice of complete and total destruction.

I'm saying that a Republican could win Ted Kennedy's Senate seat.

That will plunge the entire nation into a dark age that will make the country resemble post-earthquake Haiti, instead of Detroit, which is what the Democrats want.

It's become so bad that one of my aides had to defend me from a savage Republican stalker who dared to ask me questions that I didn't want to answer by flinging him to the ground at my big money fundraiser in Washington DC!

Scott Brown is pure evil incarnate. I have proof! He opposes the Democrat's Health Care Reform bill that will punish you for not having health insurance, and then punish you for having health insurance!

How can a man like not accept such a logical plan of health care reform? Only one that is worse than Hitler, at least in my books.

Now you're probably wondering why you should vote for me over Scott Brown, other than the simple fact that he allegedly drinks the blood of infants.

Well the answer is simple.

I AM A DEMOCRAT!

That seat in the Senate belongs to Democrats. That's the law! You idiots are supposed to blindly vote Democrat no matter what. We could run a chimp with a spike stuck in its brain, and you Boston bean humpers are supposed to vote for it!

Because we're Democrats and we own your ass.

Why else would the party nominate me, a flip-flopping failure of an Attorney General who spent more time harassing women's garden clubs, while blocking serious criminal investigations for purely political reasons? I'm an elite white liberal with a bloated sense of entitlement. I am the Democratic Party!

So vote for me goddammit! I own you and your votes.

Don't force me to "find" uncounted ballots in abandoned cars like Al Franken. We can only push that chestnut so far before even our pet poodles in the media start smelling the horseshit.

Now VOTE FOR ME!

Or my aides will shove, and my staff will indict you! And we will, we can indict anyone for anything!

Caucasian Dialect

A SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY SENATOR ROBERT BYRD
(D-Mentia)
Race Relations Expert for the Democratic Party

Well I say, I say, welcome to all yah readers of this here blog thang. I'd like to start by saying...

YOU BOY! GET OFF MY LAWN!

THAT'S RIGHT! I'M TALKIN' TO YOU BOY!

DON'T YOU GIT UPPITY WITH ME BOY!

I DON'T CARE IF YOUR NAME IS "SENATOR" SUMTIN' AND THAT YOU THINK THIS IS THE HALLWAY TO YOUR OFFICE! YOU GIT NOW! OR I'LL SIC MY SMELL HOUND ON YA ASS, & THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY!

Now where was I?

Oh right, race relations.

Now a bunch of those evil racist blood drinking Republicans are saying that it was racist when Senator Harry Reid referred to our now President Obama would speak in a "Negro dialect."

That is the greatest travesty of justice since the end of segregation.

Harry Reid's comments are in no way racist. The same way my past membership in the KKK, my repeated use of the word "NDELETEDr" in public, my filibustering of the Civil Rights Act, or Chris Dodd saying that I'd have been on the right side of the Civil War, are not remotely racist.

That's because we're Democrats.

Being a Democrat is wonderful.

You can promote slavery, segregation, belong to an organization that actively attacked and killed NDELETEDrs, and do everything you can to keep them poor and dependent, and you will never be a racist.

Why?

Because we say so goddammit!

It's not like saying something nice about a retiring repentant ex-segregationist, or using a word that no one really heard of in this century, or having legitimate criticisms of policy decisions.

Now that's racist.

So back off of Harry Reid. He's not racist because he's working very hard to help a NDELETEDr President properly cripple this country for generations to come, and I'm not a racist either. No matter how many racist things we say and do.

Because we say so.

Two Quick Reality Checks About Mutallab

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Here are two quick reality checks, I hope they don't blow your puny Earthling brains.

1. The Transportation Security Administration refuses to profile, and I'm not talking about racial profiling, because Islamic Jihadis come in a wide range of shapes, sizes, and skin tones. What I'm talking about is the sort of behavioral profiling that catches folks paying for a 1 way ticket in cash, checking in with no luggage, having their father report them as a jihadi wannabe, and trying to set off an explosion in their pants.

Instead we have the TSA denying flights to elderly comedienne Joan Rivers and having journalist Michael Yon arrested for not telling them his gross annual income.

Wow, Sherlock Holmes is reborn, and he's running the TSA.

Even Janet "Man Caused Disaster" Napolitano sees that the system of harrassing the many while the determined few slip through, is not working. However, she won't dare do anything about it, better to let a thousand Americans be crushed and incinerated beneath falling airliners than give some yahoo from CAIR a chance to call them racist.

2. Meanwhile almost 60% of the American people think that the Bloomer Bomber should be handed over to Gitmo and water-boarded until he starts singing like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed after a shampoo and a rinse, then tried before a military commission and punished accordingly.

That attitude is legal. Mutallab does not serve in the name of a legitimate state, since the global Caliphate only exists in the wet dreams of men who think living in their own feces in a cave is how Allah wants everyone to live. He also does not wear a uniform, bear his weapons openly, in fact he crammed them in his nether regions, and he both deliberately hid among, and targeted unarmed civilians.

According the Geneva Conventions and the Common Law of History, young Squire Mutallab can be made into Dick Cheney's bitch then summarily executed once all the info's been squeezed out him, because he's not a prisoner of war, he's an unlawful combatant, and an enemy of civilization.

Of course President Obama doesn't believe that. Not when his Attorney General's old law firm can score some filthy ducats from Mutallab's friends, well-wishers, and supporters, while still appeasing the hard left who currently hold President Obama's testicles in a jar on George Soros' mantle.

But don't worry, Obama won't let Joan Rivers get you!

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.