An Android Among the Stars #7- Michael Moore Edition

My associate Varos Quasar posted another one of his little question sessions a few minutes ago and I felt compelled, as the MoxArgon Group's resident entertainment reporter to answer one of them.




The question was:

1. If Michael Moore really cared about those 9/11 workers getting free health care, why didn't he arrange for them to go to Sweden, or France, or another country with socialized medicine? Why did he take them to a 3rd world dictatorship whose doctors almost killed their own president with their incompetence and had to be replaced with doctors from Spain?

It looks like a multi-level question that requires a multi-level answer.

Michael Moore took those 9/11 workers to Cuba specifically because he does NOT care a rodent's rectum about them, or their health.

Moore is a narcissist who cares only about two things:

1. Himself.

2. The feeding of his ego.

He specifically chose Cuba for these reasons:

1. It is the sort of communist dictatorship he purports to admire, while he himself lives the life of a free American celebrity millionaire, complete with private jets, limousines, and expensive luxuries.

2. Cuba is also under a trade embargo by the United States. So his stunt, for one cannot logically call it journalism, was to provoke an investigation from the Treasury Department so he can claim that he is being oppressed by the country that made him a millionaire celebrity in time for him to become a fashionably leftist cause celebre at the premiere of his film at the Cannes Film Festival. Why do you think he waited several months before leaking the letter from the Treasury Department to the press?

3. Moore has made his career as a propagandist by feeding the prejudices of the fashionably leftist in the Western World's middle and upper classes. In order to keep them happy, and his wallet fat, and his ego bloated from their misguided praise he must badmouth the only country that would possibly allow someone like him to run around freely. The best way to bad-mouth said country is to repeat the myth that the health care system of a 3rd World dictatorship is somehow superior to the said country's because its dictator says it's free. The elites that support Moore need to keep this myth alive in order to justify their own prejudices.

I hope that answers Varos' question. I wouldn't want him to be confused or anything.

Quasar's Questions

Greetings Earthlings.

I have a few more questions that I'd like to get answered, because there are some things about your world that I still don't understand.

1. If Michael Moore really cared about those 9/11 workers getting free health care, why didn't he arrange for them to go to Sweden, or France, or another country with socialized medicine? Why did he take them to a 3rd world dictatorship whose doctors almost killed their own president with their incompetence and had to be replaced with doctors from Spain?

2. Why do the Democrats in Congress have a lower approval rating than the President who is subject to a non-stop barrage of negative media coverage?

3. Why do so many Americans oppose surrendering to Islamic fundamentalists? The Democrats seem to like and agree with them, why not you?

XRAN XPLAINS- THE WORLD BANK "SCANDAL"

Howdy my Earthling Amigos, it's your old pal Xran here, once again making complicated things simple, after the simple made them complicated.

Today I'm looking into the recent brouhaha at the World Bank over Paul Wolfowitz and his longtime companion Shiha Raza.

So allow me to explain what's really going on.

This is...

PAUL WOLFOWITZ

He's President of...

THE WORLD BANK

This is...

SHIHA RAZA

Paul Wolfowitz's longtime partner, human rights activist, and longer-time employee of...

THE WORLD BANK

This is....

THE WORLD BANK ETHICS COMMITTEE

They demanded that...
WOLFOWITZ either FIRE or TRANSFER OUT
MS. RAZA to avoid the APPEARANCE of a CONFLICT OF INTEREST despite the fact that many World Bank managers have THEIR SPOUSES WORKING DIRECTLY FOR THEM, something Ms. Raza did not do
WOLFOWITZ offered to RECUSE HIMSELF
But the ETHICS COMMITTEE

REFUSED HIS RECUSE

And RECOMMENDED transferring MS. RAZA
to a HIGHER PAYING post as liaison to the State Department AS COMPENSATION in order to avoid a WRONGFUL DISMISSAL LAWSUIT

WOLFOWITZ AGREED

So the ETHICS COMMITTEE
Immediately accused Wolfowitz of nepotism
FOR FOLLOWING THEIR RECOMMENDATION

BUT WHY?

3 REASONS

1- GREED: WOLFOWITZ wanted World Bank loans to only go to PEOPLE WHO WOULD REALLY FIGHT POVERTY instead of CORRUPT GOVERNMENTS who would STEAL THE MONEY & THEN DEMAND MORE. Corrupt governments who paid LARGE KICKBACKS to WORLD BANK & UN OFFICIALS

2- REVENGE: WOLFOWITZ was the ARCHITECT of the fall of this man

SADDAM HUSSEIN

Who made the cronies of this man...KOFI ANNAN
(former UN Secretary General)

Very rich through the OIL FOR FOOD SCAM


3. POWER: WOLFOWITZ is an AMERICAN

The UN/World Bank bureaucrats want a EUROPEAN who won't rock the boat to take over the post traditionally held by a citizen of the largest donor nation in order to keep the USA from becoming too powerful in the global body it actually pays for

Specifically they want to replace Wolfowitz with this man...
MARK MALLOCH BROWN

Who was a top crony of this man...
KOFI ANNAN

Who put MARK MALLOCH BROWN in charge of WHITEWASHING the UN's ILLEGAL OIL FOR FOOD DEALS with...

SADDAM HUSSEIN
And MARK MALLOCH BROWN currently lives in a house in New York owned by this man...

GEORGE SOROS
(International Financier & Democratic Party Moneybags)

Draw your own conclusions.

MoxArgon on Idiots

A FEW THOUGHTS
FROM
REMULAK MOXARGON
Ruler of the Known Universe

Greetings puny Earthlings.

As you've probably noticed the media has begun downplaying the threat presented by the Dix 6 of New Jersey. Various MSM brain trusts like MSNBC's Keith Olbermann are writing them off completely as some sort of harmless idiots who are being blown out of proportion by the Bush- Hitler- Zionist- Halliburton conspiracy. But don't take my word for, take it straight from the horse's arse mouth:

(H/T Olbermann Watch)

Now I'd to say something to Mr. Olbermann and his ilk. A lesson if you will:

IDIOTS ARE VERY DANGEROUS

It's true, just look at Snotglob trying to drive a hovercar and you'll know, but since you're Earthlings and by definition dumber than a sack Bolarean Weevil droppings I'll explain.



IDIOTS ARE VERY DANGEROUS BECAUSE....

...IDIOTS HAVE A POOR SENSE OF SELF PRESERVATION.

You see, the average idiot has a very weak notion of that thing that sets sentient beings apart from the dumb, and often tasty, animals. That is a knowledge of their own mortality. Idiots spend most of their time unable to acknowledge that their course of action will result in their death. So they do stupid things, and...

...IDIOTS CAN'T GRASP THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS.

The common idiot lacks the imagination or empathy to fully grasp the suffering that their actions will create, losing them in chants of 'That'll be so cool.' And when smarter people try to warn them of the dangers, more often than not the idiot won't believe them, or in the case of the malicious idiot in relation to the feelings of others, not care. This means...

... IDIOTS ARE EASILY MANIPULATED.

Idiots live within the moment, and think only of the instant gratification of their ego or appetites. This means that they can be led along the garden paths by smarter people who know how to appeal that ego/appetite combination. This turns out to be easier than you think, whether it's through direct manipulation or the indirect influence of a negative ideology. Why is it so easy? That's because...

... IDIOTS DON'T KNOW THEY ARE IDIOTS.

Idiots believe that they are right, and that everyone else is trying to oppress them or 'harsh their mellow' with their demands for good behaviour. This leads the idiot to hatch seemingly mad plans that can't succeed, but could still lead to suffering, and that doesn't include idiots who are acting with the malicious intent to cause suffering. For malicious idiots the suffering of others is the end product, and they're dumb enough to think that they are smart enough to get away with it. So anything they do will result in harm to somebody, unless they are stopped.


I hope that's cleared it up for you folks.

News of the Earth #3

Greetings Earthlings, it's my turn to bring you another edition of NEWS OF THE EARTH!

Let's get the ball rolling.

1. In the wake of the Virginia Tech shootings Hamline University offered grief counseling to its students. One student criticized this move, declaring that it would be better if students were allowed to defend themselves. In the tradition of the great academic Josef Stalin, the school immediately declared their critic to be INSANE and suspended him pending psychiatric and political evaluations. Thus ensuring that if you dare to practice your right to free speech or even self defense, the school will also use its right to completely ruin your life. Congratulations Hamline University, you are officially fascists.

2. The United Nations revealed that it does not represent the nations of planet Earth, but Bizarro World when it named environmental/economic basket case Zimbabwe leader of the commission on sustainable development. Just when you thought the UN couldn't get any nuttier, they think of something new.

3. Congressional Republicans are looking to pass laws granting immunity to people like the store clerk who exposed the Fort Dix Jihadi plans from nuisance lawsuits filed by Jihad supporters and their allies in the political left. And the sad part is that I can easily imagine the ACLU participating in such witness intimidation and then filing appeals claiming that calling 911 is a violation of the criminals right to commit crimes. They are just that deluded.

4. Speaking of deluded, Hugo Chavez officially shut down Venezuela's oldest and largest TV network for the crime of criticizing his regime. He must be talking to the folks at Hamline University for ideas about handling nuisances like Free Speech.

The Silly and the Serious...

A PERSONAL THOUGHT BY REMULAK MOXARGON

Greetings puny Earthlings. I'd like to take a minute to talk about how serious things can seem silly like this:



Now it's going to lead to all sorts of jokes like:

They think the Israelis are tough, wait until they meet Disney's lawyers.

I guess Porky Pig was haram.

and

I hate you
You hate me
Me & my camel
Practice sodomy

With a button
& some semtex
& a really big blast
I'll be scoring some
Heavenly ass

But beyond the silliness, lies something very serious.

Palestinian children are being taught since fetushood to hate and that their only purpose in life is to die horribly and take as many innocent people with them.

That shows a culture that's more than dysfunctional, it's downright twisted.

It's no wonder that Palestinians aren't wanted anywhere in the Arab world unless someone wants someone else, preferably Jewish, killed. They've forgotten the first rule of cultural success and the first law of nature: PROTECT YOUR FREAKING CHILDREN.

And now something else that seems silly, but is in fact very serious...

As word comes out about the Fort Dix terror plot, there are many who have started questioning the seriousness of the issue because the plotters acted so stupidly. The idiocy is apparent, they planned to attack a military base in wartime, they tried get a store to make copies of their Jihadi home-movies, and I'm sure other stupid stuff will come out as the case progresses.

What is less apparent is the serious side.

The pursuit of blood soaked suicide in the name of Jihad is the manifestation of an innate cowardice. Sure, they'll blow themselves up for a chance to orgy their brains out in the afterlife, but that's just physical actions, they are scared to face the bloody dysfunction in their own political and spiritual leadership and philosophy.

Now ask yourself a couple of questions:

What if they chickened out of attacking Fort Dix, not because of imminent death, that holds the promise of an orgiastic afterlife, free of the constraints placed on them by their Earthly leaders, but because of a fear that they wouldn't rack up enough of a body-count to please Allah?

What if they got the weapons they sought and went after a softer target, like a shopping mall, or a school?

Then it's not so silly.

Remember Earthlings, even idiots can be dangerous.

Sometimes, they're the most dangerous.

That's all for now.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Need A Warlord?

A PROPOSAL BY SYX
THE BLOOD DRENCHER
OF OGARNOX-17
(Freelance Warlord)

Greetings to you wretched Targellian wormdroppings and your miserable moldy rock of a world. I am Syx The Blood-Drencher of Ogarnox-17, the Limb Wrencher of Threep, and Gut-Spiller of Polkat-9. I am a Freelance Warlord, and I am applying for the position of War Czar for your Usa Empire.

Now you may wonder about my qualifications, and I'm not the type to brag, but I have destroyed more worlds than asteroids and supernovae combined. I have slain entire species who dared to stand against and feasted royally on their blood and entrails.*

I am worshiped as a Deity of War on over seventy-five worlds, and entire quadrants tremble at the mere mention of my name.

I am also affordable. Delivering previously unimaginable death, horror, and destruction upon your enemies at price that is as unbeatable as me in single combat. If you can find a better Warlord who can do it cheaper, then let me know, and I will slay him by tearing off his head with my bear hands and using the stump of his neck as a urinal.

But don't just take my word for it, listen to these satisfied customers.

"My planet was overrun with rebels, so I called Syx. Not only did deliver the mass slaughter I wanted on time and on budget, he made my wife Debbie a simply delightful centerpiece from the skulls of rebel generals." - King Vikkuk of Greel.

"It was truly lovely," -Queen Debbie of Greel

"I needed planets destroyed, and I needed them destroyed fast. Syx delivered, and then some." -Skwakor XIII, Supreme Lord Chancellor of the Avian Commonwealth.

"Syx can make genocide a work of art. Just ask my enemies, oh wait, you can't. Thanks Syx." -Ood McTavish, 23rd Grand Prefect of Alternate Earth -10893-B.

"Syx is a credit to the profession of getting dirty jobs done dirt cheap" --Remulak MoxArgon, Ruler of the Known Universe

So, after you've tried the rest, try the best.

SYX FOR WAR CZAR

Nobody Does it Bloodier

*Also co-authored "20 Minute Blood & Entrail Recipes" with Rachel Ray.

InterGalactic Roundtable 2.9: Time for Time & Other Stuff...

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. It's time once again for another edition of The MoxArgon Group. I'm your host, Remulak MoxArgon, ruler of the known universe and inevitable conqueror of your wretched little rock of a planet. Joining me are the usual suspects. Space pirate and political columnist for the TransGalaxy Review: Xran the Fleshrender, intergalactic mercenary, assassin and host of "Varos in the Morning" on the Antares Radio Network: Varos Quasar, and android conqueror and entertainment columnist for The Mechanoid Monthly: Android CAI/7. Welcome everyone. First topic: Time Magazine put out its list of the world 100 most influential people and left out President George W. Bush. What do you think?

XRAN- A blatantly politicized slap in the face from a blatantly politicized publication posing as a 'news' magazine. They put a rude, loudmouthed nutcase who thinks the American government masterminded 9/11 over the leader of the free world. They also include the brother of a man who turned a once prosperous country into a blood-soaked basket case of a Stalinist dictatorship.

VAROS- They included Al Gore in their list of 'Great Thinkers and Scientists.' That should mean something.

MOXARGON- I thought that was for people who have made scientific or philosophical breakthroughs, not for creating rampant hysteria in order to make millions of dollars off of questionable 'carbon indulgence' schemes.

VAROS- You're just in the pay of big oil.

ANDROID CAI/7- Time also says that Tina Fey, the writer/star of a sitcom that's was saved from cancellation by a co-star's over-publicized child-abuse is somehow more influential than the president of the most powerful nation on the planet Earth. That's very illogical.

MOXARGON- Maybe Time's version of the world is confined to the elite dinner parties of Manhattan where freshly botoxed millionaires dine on imported Russian caviar served by illegal immigrants without health insurance, and talk about how horrible Bush is for not overriding Clinton's rejection of Kyoto, before piling their surgically tightened behinds into carbon spewing stretch limos to take them to the airport where their private Gulfstream jets can zip them off to Miami for a round of night-clubbing and casual Viagra fuelled infidelities with other freshly botoxed millionaires. They then jet home to their oversized 'summer cottages' in the Hamptons with enough floor space to house Nicaragua, half of which work there as domestic labour, all the while burning enough electricity and fossil fuels to power Zimbabwe and consuming enough food to feed Bangladesh, but it's all right. Al Gore sold them shares that say that Hugo Chavez is going to plant a tree in their name, and the food's all going to be purged anyway, because you just gotta stay skinny, or you won't need the freaking botox.

XRAN- I'm sensing some bitterness, you kind of had a bit of a Dennis Miller type rant-thing going on there.

MOXARGON- I just don't like jerks. Hell, the New York Times literally goes out of the way to say that Bush is too much of a rube to entertain the Queen of England. Kind of forgetting that Bush went to Andover, Yale, and has an MBA from Harvard. Of course New York's limo-liberal crowd have never let little things like facts ruin a good prejudice. Next topic: The LA Times tried smearing attorney/former Senator/ and actor Fred Thompson by rather clumsily implying that an acting role of a racist on the show Wiseguy somehow means he really is a racist.

XRAN- Sure, and Ken Wahl's really an undercover agent for the FBI.

ANDROID CAI/7- That would explain why we haven't seen much of him lately.

XRAN- That's not relevant.

VAROS- I think you're being hypocritical.

XRAN- How?

VAROS- You're always bringing up people's pasts to smear them. Why can't the LA Times do that to Thompson?

MOXARGON- Let me field this one. Varos, you are retarded. When we bring up a person's past it's usually to illustrate actions and attitudes in the REAL WORLD. Thompson's role on that show was fiction, fantasy, totally unconnected to reality, much like modern liberalism.

VAROS- I don't see your point.

XRAN- It's like saying a politician is a porridge eating bear because he played Papa Bear in his third grade production of "Goldilocks."

VAROS- Still don't get it.

MOXARGON- Let's move to our next topic. France has elected tough talking conservative Nicholas Sarkozy to the presidency. This makes him the first French leader since Napoleon who comes from a family of immigrants. Will Sarkozy be the next Margaret Thatcher, or turn into the next Jacques Chirac?

XRAN- For the love of God he better be the French equivalent of Margaret Thatcher. Anything less will spell doom for France.

VAROS- What has Margaret Thatcher done for Britain other than rebuild its economy, improved its status among nations, and enforced the rule of law?

ANDROID CAI/7- I must concur with Xran on this issue. France's stagnant economy, rampant crime, and immigration problems need a strong hand that willing to break out the plasma cannons sometimes.

MOXARGON- Yes, sometimes you do need the proverbial plasma cannons.

ANDROID CAI/7- I was not being proverbial.

MOXARGON- Okay. Next issue: A recent poll of Democrats state that slightly less than 4 in 10 Democrats are willing to commit to idea that George Bush wasn't behind or had previous knowledge of the 9/11 attack. The majority of Democrats are split in the 'definitely knew/involved' category and the 'not sure' category. What do you think?

XRAN- I think they're all nuts.

VAROS- If that many Democrats believe it, then it must be true.

ANDROID CAI/7- I think it reveals the paranoid immaturity of modern Democrats.

MOXARGON- Don't forget the overwhelming influence of the internet based radical-fringe. I think that it's only a matter of time before the Democrats completely give up the facade of being a responsible American political party and run on a platform of Sharia law and genocide against Jews to 'save the world from the Evil Bush-Hitler-Halliburton-Zionist conspiracy.' Hell, they want to take CIA agents off terrorism and reassign them as minions of Al Gore. If that's not symptomatic of the sort of delusion based politics that lead to fascism, I don't know what is. Well, that's all the time we have for today, so goodbye for now and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

News of the Earth #2

1. Socialist candidate Segolene Royal lost her bid to become the first female President of France, losing out to Nicholas Sarkozy, the first French leader since Napoleon whose family wasn't from France.

Personally, I thought her campaign was getting a little desperate like when she started scare-mongering about 'violence' if Sarkozy won, and this ad campaign which tried to capitalize on her looks...



That was just plain tacky.

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

2. Sheryl "1 Square" Crow declared that humanity had reached the 'height of arrogance' by not acknowledging that the climate was changing. Perhaps someone should have told Ms. Crow that it's the height of arrogance to think that puny little creatures like Earthlings could truly effect the climate of a system so vast as an Membok-class planet, while believing at the same time that something as powerful as an Order-76(Empok) star can't.

Silly, silly, silly.

3. Paris Hilton is getting locked up for violating her probation. I consulted with Koos-Koos, the Time-Seer, and he predicts a sudden drop in VD rates in the Los Angeles area.

I don't know what that has to do with this case. Koos-Koos can go off on weird tangents sometimes.

Strange, strange, strange.

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor...

Greetings Earthlings.

It's your friend Snotglob here with something special.

Remulak told me that I need to start bringing in some moolah to pay off my rather horrendous gambling debts, so I'm selling advertising space on my blog posts.

Don't worry my liberal friends. I'm only going to sell ad-space for politically correct and liberal messages like this one...

We Are The
DEMOCRATIC PARTY
&
We Don't Approve This Message

Why should you vote for the Democrats?

The answers are both subtle, complex, and nuanced.

Vote Democrat if you believe...
Peace is achieved when one side quits and goes home before winning because you know deep down that no one will attack us after we show weakness
People must stand up for what they believe in, then back down once they scored points with their fund-raisers
That only the other party participates in a 'culture of corruption'













That America's national security resources are better spent worshipping Al Gore than keeping people from killing us, because nobody really wants to kill us, no matter what they say and do










That lying in order to make the military and the Bush administration look bad in wartime is essential for the future of this country

So remember, if you believe what we believe you must be a Democrat

VOTE DEMOCRAT
Or we'll take your right to vote away

News of the Earth #1

Greetings puny Earthlings. I'm starting a new feature where MoxArgon Group members take turns presenting the news in the short, concise news-byte form your piddling Earthling attention spans seem capable of handling.

Now let's get started!

1. Loudmouth shock-jock Don Imus might have the last laugh. He's hired a powerful attorney to sue CBS. It seems there's a clause in his contract promising him $40 million if he got fired for being an obnoxious jerk. This proves 2 things: A) The CBS people who okayed that clause should be fired. B) Imus has some smart lawyers.

2. An "environmentally friendly" spa in California has removed the Gideon Bibles from their hotel rooms and replaced them with copies of Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth. If the spa's owners are truly followers of the High Church of Saint Al The Pompous, each guest should be personally generating a carbon footprint about the size of Godzilla's backside after eating an entire chili cook-off. Perhaps they should include a copy of this report to go with it.

3. Iranian Prez Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in hot water with his own political base by hugging and kissing an elderly former female teacher. Now I don't know Mr. Ahmadinejad personally, but if he really wanted to relive his little Mrs. Robinson thing, he probably shouldn't have done it in front of the press. Suffering cyborgs, that photo is practically obscene. Did he slip her the tongue?



4. Wizened folkie Joan Baez is apparently puzzled as to why she wasn't allowed to perform for recovering soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital. I can answer that. THEY HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH!

5. All I can say is, they must have been DAMN GREAT PANTS.

6. Brad Pitt film Babel is being released in Japan with a warning label stating that the flick may cause nausea and dizziness. Boy, that's a pretty harsh review.

7. Former New Jersey governor James McGreevey is considering becoming an Episcopal priest. Because it's involves an oath he hasn't violated yet.


8. Hillary Clinton shows the world how decisive she can be by constantly changing her private planes. Nothing like having empty planes being flown back their homes to show that you care for the environment.

Greetings puny Earthlings. Here's a little piece of propaganda that illustrates the accomplishments of Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats. (Hat Tip Hot Air)