Overheard by Snotglob: The Henry Louis Gates Arrest

Hi Earthlings.

There's been a lot of chatter about the arrest of Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates by the fascist pigs of the Cambridge Racial Profiling Gestapo. Now they haven't released any video or audio of the arrest itself, but I do have really good hearing, and I heard the whole disgusting event.

Here's a transcript of the event, as I heard it.

CROWLEY- Excuse me sir.

GATES- What the hell are you doing at my door?

CROWLEY- I'm Sgt. James Crowley of the Cambridge Police. We got a call that this house was being broken into.

GATES- HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BREAKING INTO MY OWN HOUSE!!

CROWLEY- You're the owner. Good, then you should come down to the car, we'd like you to show us some identification for our mistaken call report.

GATES- I won't show you any goddamn ID! I am being oppressed because I am a black man in America!

CROWLEY- Really? Then you really should come with me and make a report about who is oppressing you.

GATES- You're oppressing me! I demand to see your ID!

CROWLEY- I'm Sgt. James Crowley, Cambridge Police. And how exactly am I oppressing you? I need to know for the forms.

GATES- You are racially profiling me!

CROWLEY- If that's how you feel, then you should come to the car, and I will give you the necessary forms to fill out.

GATES- I will talk to your mama outside!

CROWLEY- What?

GATES- I will teach your grandma to suck eggs!

CROWLEY- Okay sir, you're not making much sense, and I can see that you're upset. Do you need a hug?

GATES- Don't you touch me you cracker pig!

2ND COP- What's happening?

CROWLEY- This man claims to be the home-owner, but he's refusing to fill out the mistaken call report, and he seems really upset about something because he's not making any sense at all.

2ND COP- Did you offer the hug?

CROWLEY- Turned me down cold.

2ND COP- He sounds crazy.

GATES- Goddamn whitey always oppressing me!

2ND COP- Now sir, your language is considered abusive, and in violation of the Harvard speech codes.

GATES- I am being oppressed! I am being oppressed by whitey!

2ND COP- Then you must come with us to file a formal report, sir!

GATES- WHITEY!

CROWLEY- I'm sorry sir, but we have to put you under arrest for public disorder.

GATES- Typical whitey! Always oppressing me!

CROWLEY- Please, come along sir.

GATES- Whitey's holding me down again!

Damn, one can hear the racism dripping from the police.

Anyway....

GOTTA QUESTION: Then leave one in the comments, and we'll be answering them next week. Ask early, ask often, and don't be afraid of sounding stupid, I do it all the time.

A Few Random Thoughts by The Ruler of the Universe

Greetings puny Earthlings, sorry I've been away for a while, it's a busy life ruling the Known Universe. So here are a few random thoughts...

WHAT'S WITH THE CZARS?

I'll tell you what's with the Czars, and why Obama has 30 of them to manage everything from your car to your colon, and everything in between.

The answer is simple. Obama loves control, but he hates all that democracy thing where his cronies candidates have to face any sort of public scrutiny, even from his pet poodles in Congress and the media. So he makes up a whole truckload of bogus positions, free from public scrutiny, and if anyone does ask a question about them, they get scolded for wanting to do nothing while some earthshaking disaster destroys civilisation around them.

There is no disaster, there is just the job of government, which is to be done by government, not a bunch of unelected political hacks from Chicago.

WHAT'S WITH GATES?

We've all had our encounters with the police in Cambridge Massachussetts police. I know I have thanks to your country's abundance of cheap liquor and prudish rules about going around without pants, but that still doesn't make what President Obama said right.

What he should have said was: "I may know Prof. Gates personally, but I am also the President, so I really shouldn't comment on something that I don't know all the facts of, and we'll leave it at that."

But he didn't. Instead he automatically decided that the Cambridge Police was the reincarnation of Bull Connor (who was also a Democrat) and that Gates wasn't screaming and ranting when he should have calmly shown the cop his ID, proving that it was his own home, and then politely said goodbye.

Obama let his mask slip, and revealed the racial grievance monger that he really is, and as his numbers continue to slip, expect him to start spreading that grief from the police, to the voters.

WHAT'S WITH JOE BIDEN?

The man has pudding for brains.

WHAT'S WITH THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?

What's with the rest of Obama's paperwork. We don't know how he paid for college, let alone what he did in university, or how he managed to become editor of the Harvard Law Review without a single piece of legal scholarship to his name, because those records are sealed.

Obama is keeping those things sealed not because he likes being a mystery, but because he must be a non-entity. He must make himself a blank slate so that his pet poodles in the press can fill it with their own wishful thinking. Finding out that he worked as a male prostitute (just a theory, because I don't know any different) to get through Columbia and Harvard would put something on that blank slate that can't be written over with the dreams of a bunch of guilty rich white liberals from the Hamptons.

Then there's this simple fact that debunks the "Birther's" conspiracy. If Obama was born in Kenya, he'd be an immigrant, and then he'd be a hell of a lot more patriotic toward the country that he currently leads.

It's that simple.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

PS: I think we need another round of "Ask The MoxArgon Group" so leave a question in the comments, and we'll answer them next week.

The Leftist Mind: Mind and Mindset

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I'd like to toss a high-five to Harry Alford the head of the Black Chamber of Commerce for taking Sen. Barbara "Don't Call Me Ma'am" Boxer to task for her condescending behavior during recent hearing on the Waxman/Markey Crap & Raid bill.

Alford was there to discuss the study his group commissioned about the effects of the the bill on the economy. Boxer decided to leaven his testimony, which was critical of the bill, by tossing into a record a few resolutions by the NAACP about global warming.

Alford, rightfully so, got pissed and told Boxer that she was insulting him, his group, and the work they do, by tossing in unrelated resolutions. He was there to talk about economics and energy, not about how wonderful a handful of professional lobbyists think the Democrats are.

This shocked and rocked Boxer. She was used to having her ass kissed, and not kicked, and since it was being done by a black man, she was literally gobsmacked. She was expecting Alford to just shut his mouth, roll over and play the obedient servant of his political betters.

Thankfully, Alford doesn't play that way.

He stood up for himself, and refused to play the party line because he had his own mind.

And that's what stunned the already fairly stunned Boxer.

Because a Leftist like Boxer doesn't believe in individual opinions. She just assumed that as an African American, he wouldn't have his own mind, just a mindset. A mindset predetermined by narratives of victim-hood, and obedience to an ideology that claims to bring them up, while only bringing them down. Alford wasn't there to be a victim, he was there to be an individual, with his own thoughts, ideas, and beliefs, and there wasn't any way that some mindless call for racial unity was going to break that individuality.

So kudos to Harry Alford. A man with a pair of brass ones.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

XRAN XPLAINS- THE CiT BANKRUPTCY

Howdy Earthlings, it's your buddy Xran here, once again gracing you with my presence to simplify the complicated after it's been complicated by the simple. Today I am going to explain the financial problems currently being had by the commercial lender CiT Group.

This is

CIT GROUP
it is currently fighting to
SURVIVE & AVOID
BANKRUPTCY

It asked the
FEDERAL GOVERNMENT
for a
BAILOUT
but was
REFUSED
putting the company at risk of
BANKRUPTCY

Even though hundreds of billions were already spent rescuing
WALL STREET
&
THE AUTO INDUSTRY
but why?
CiT GROUP
specializes in loans to
SMALL BUSINESSES
who in turn create
JOBS
which are needed in this economy
the problem is that
SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS
tend to vote
REPUBLICAN
while

WALL STREET BILLIONAIRES
&
AUTO UNION KINGPINS
vote for and donate to
DEMOCRATS
& would like to see
SMALL BUSINESSPEOPLE
go
BANKRUPT
to keep them from giving to
REPUBLICANS

I hope that clears thing up for you.

Point-Counterpoint: The CIA Goes Down

TEKTAK- Greetings Earthlings. It's time for a long delayed edition of "Point/Counterpoint." From the right, I'm Tektak F. Mechanoid.

SNOTGLOB- And from the Left I'm Snotglob T. Mutant.

TEKTAK- Our first topic is the Central Intelligence Agency. Word is buzzing that the Langley Virginia branch office of the New York Times is looking at a Special Prosecutor appointed by the White House to turn over rocks from everything from interrogation to assassination and CIA officials may face criminal indictments and even jail time.

SNOTGLOB- It's about time that someone brought those fascist murdering thugs to justice.

TEKTAK- Snotglob, you ignorant hermaphrodite slut. What the hell are you talking about? Are you calling them fascists who murder, or that they're murdering fascists?

SNOTGLOB- Fascists who murder.

TEKTAK- And what's the logic behind that declaration?

SNOTGLOB- The Dick Cheney executive death squad, and that they lied about it to Nancy Pelosi. If that doesn't make you a fascist and a murderer I don't know what does.

TEKTAK- Then you really don't know what does. First, the program wasn't under Dick Cheney, that's another delusion that dribbled out of Seymour Hersh's ass. Second, the program never got beyond the planning phase. Third, the CIA's charter states that it only has to inform congress of actual running operations, not pie in the sky plans.

SNOTGLOB- Oh, there you go again, citing facts to prove your point. I'm not talking about facts, I'm talking about how things feel, and when they showed that Nancy Pelosi was lying about not knowing about water-boarding, they hurt her feelings. They need to be punished for that.

TEKTAK- And national security be damned?

SNOTGLOB- Of course. They must be crushed for daring to challenge Pelosi's political posturing with facts. If it causes terrorists to escape and kill some Americans, it's all for the greater good of Democrats having absolute power.

TEKTAK- Your logic fascinates me.

SNOTGLOB- Thank you.

TEKTAK- I consider this situation the definition of irony. For years, Democrat supporters in the CIA have been leaking information and blowing operations to embarrass the Bush administration and get Democrats into power, and now that the Democrats are in power they are going to throw the CIA to the wolves.

SNOTGLOB- If the CIA was so intelligent they should have seen it coming.

TEKTAK- That's the most rational thing you've said in your whole life.

SNOTGLOB- I'm just impressing you a lot today. Will you stop being a right wing fascist?

TEKTAK- Not as long as I still have some functioning brain-circuits. That's all for now, and keep watching the skies because we're watching you, though some don't understand it.

The Assassination Bureau

Greetings puny Earthlings. Let's take a gander at what's been happening lately on your puny little little planet.

Congress is currently shitting kittens about getting word that the CIA had a program to assassinate Al Qaida leaders, and are screaming that the CIA is lying to them again after someone in congress leaked word of that program to their friends in the media.

Now I must say that I too am angry at the CIA, but for different reasons than congressional Democrats.

I'm angry with the CIA for never getting this program past the planning stage.

I mean come on, we're talking about Al Qaida leaders, the people who send planes into buildings, suicide bombers into crowds, mortars into schoolyards, and behead people with glee.

If your sense of morality thinks it's bad to gun down those men like rabid dogs in order to save the lives of the innocent, then you have no right to complain about the ethics of others.

Plus, I have no problem with the CIA not telling Congress about that plan, for 2 reasons.

1. SECURITY: The CIA is a mess of leaks even on a good day. If I want to find out what's happening, I just look up the New York Times. This leakiness gets exponentially worse when congress gets involved, because it has the added element of political posturing and profiteering in the mix.

2. PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY: I tell the shapeshifting operatives of my Intergalactic Assassination Bureau that there are some things I need not know. I tell them who to eliminate, but I don't put anything down on paper, and leave the details to them, because there are some things that folks really don't need to know, or should want to know. Sometimes to protect people from bastards, you have to be a bigger, yet more discriminating, bastard, and a lot of politicians don't have the stones to handle that, so it's best to leave them out of the equation.

Of course Congress isn't really concerned with national security, or they'd be listening to my advice. They're concerned with neutering the CIA even further as revenge for daring to embarrass Queen Nancy Pelosi, by exposing her lying, and endangering national security for short-term personal political gain.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

We Have Our Reasons

A
MOMENT
OF TRUTH
COMMENTARY
BY
ERIC HOLDER
(Attorney General of the USA)

My fellow citizens of this sweltering pustule of a nation, I speak to you from Vox Poplar's Stainless Steel Tube of Truth, which is actually living to its name and making me tell you the truth.

Now some reports are going around on this here internet thing that we're looking into prosecuting Bush administration and CIA officials for "torturing" members of Al Qaida.

Well, we are, but we have to.

President Obama's poll numbers are slipping.

Don't you see, we have no other choice.

People are starting to figure out that Obama's stimulus plans are boondoggles of unprecedented size and expense, cap and trade's really just a huge scam so our backers on Wall Street can make billions on a "Carbon Trading Market" that's even more ephemeral than derivatives and sub-prime mortgages, while industrial production falls completely under the sway of our backers in China.

And don't get me started on some of our political appointments.

Judge Sotomayor, is a raving racialist, whose legal decisions get overturned by the Supreme Court 2/3 times.

John Holdren, our new "science czar," is a raging eugenicist who believes in forced abortions, mass sterilizations, and the control of families by an all powerful state.

And I'm not even getting into the tax and money shenanigans of everyone else. They're enough to make even me weep.

That's why we have to go after Bush's people and the CIA.

First, a lot of show trials of Bush officials, and hopefully of the former President himself can not only serve to distract our minions in the mainstream media, but will also create the chilling effect we need to squash all viable political opposition.

Because who is going to run against Obama in 2012 if they're looking at an indictment for crimes against humanity if they dare to toss their hat in the ring?

Nobody, that's who.

Plus, the billionaires who own our asses are demanding these trials, so they can go forward sucking trillions out of the country, and ensure that they're the last men standing when it all comes tumbling down.

And we don't want to say no to those guys, because they scare the piss out of me.

Anyway, I gotta get back to work. The country won't cripple itself, it takes serious leadership to do that.

The Leftist Mind: Reasons & Excuses

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Time to dip our collective toes into the snake-pit of THE LEFTIST MIND!

You know a lot is talked about reasons for people to do things, but when it comes to a bulk of Leftist attitudes and platitudes, those reasons aren't the real reasons, those are just the excuses. Let's take a look at some of them...

ABORTION
THE EXCUSE: The average Leftist will tell you that it's the last absolute good in society because it gives women control over the reproductive process.

But that's just an excuse.

THE REASON: As liberal Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said about the purpose of Roe v Wade: Frankly I had thought that at the time Roe was decided, there was concern about population growth and particularly growth in populations that we don’t want to have too many of.

It's got less to do with rights, than it does with the founding principal of Planned Parenthood, Eugenics, usually through the controlled reproduction of visible minorities.

THE PEACE MOVEMENT
THE EXCUSE: They want peace in the world by limiting the aggression of American Imperialism.

THE REASON: They want dictators to take America down a peg, because they don't believe in democracy, the rule of law, or personal freedom.

HATE CRIMES
THE EXCUSE: It's wonderful to say whatever you like, as long as it does not get branded as "mean" by washed up country-rockers, or as treason by an impeached judge turned congressman, then it's straight to the concentration camp with you because you will be committing a "hate crime."

THE REASON: They don't really believe in freedom of speech, because that means they might actually have to honestly debate positions that are not backed up by facts. So they go around claiming that you can say anything, as long as it's within the approved guidelines they've set for you.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Finally, The Truth Is Out!!!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

A caller to Al Sharpton's radio has a theory about what really happened to Michael Jackson: (h/t Radio Equalizer)

Well it makes perfect sense to me that the Governor of Alaska will have some involvement in the death of a washed up, surgically mangled, faux-Caucasian pop-singer who was so out of his gourd in his last years that he probably never heard of her, even when she ran for Vice President.

And I think that the fact that Sharpton first reaction wasn't to call her a raging paranoid lunatic tells us a lot about him too.

But I think her conspiracy theory lacks the right amount of verisimilitude. So here are some more believable ones:

1. Obama killed Michael Jackson to distract the media from the mounting failures of his administration, and that congress passed the Cap & Trade bill that will cripple the US economy.

2. CNN killed Michael Jackson to get something to hopefully attract viewers from Fox News.

3. Bubbles did it.

4. Obama didn't kill Michael Jackson, HE IS MICHAEL JACKSON. Look at the evidence, he's a very white black man, with an immense ego, bloated sense of self importance, adoring media coverage that ignore his many faults, and a tendency to rack up massive debts in very short periods of time.

That last one kinda scared me.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Damn It People Do Like Me!

A
SPECIAL
MOMENT
OF TRUTH
VICTORY SPEECH
BY SENATOR
AL FRANKEN

(D- Voter Fraud Minnesota)

Who'd have thought that a man with an admitted background of cocaine abuse, erratic behavior, violent temper, and profiting from Air America's stealing money from a charity, could get elected as a United States Senator.

I have to also admit that I owe my election to some of the Democratic Party's most vital constituents.

1. Dead voters.
2. Illegal immigrants.
3. Corrupt election officials.
4. The lawyers and judges who make such fraud possible.

Of course the fact that I could even get close enough for fraud to land the win owes a lot to the fact that Democrats will vote for anyone, even a crazy washed up comic, no matter how crazy, if ordered to by the party elite.

Anyway, thanks to me the Democratic Party has the super-majority it needs to bring in an agenda that will cripple this country for generations to come.

I'm talking about Cap & Trade, which will spark enormous inflation, and destroy about 2.5 million jobs a year, but will make a lot of hedge fund managers rich as they sell bullshit carbon credits that will make sub-primes look solid and dependable, and suck billions in subsidies out of bogus windmill projects.

I'm also talking about health care reform. Sure, of the 50 million without insurance, 40 million can afford to buy their own, but don't, and there's also about 12 million illegal aliens in there too, but those are just facts. Democrats only want you to consider feelings, and that it feels good to be like Canada, where people who live outside the major cities have to wait a year, just to get an appointment with a specialist.

Sure, a lot of people will die needlessly. But after they're dead, they won't be costing us anything, so it will eventually lead to savings.

And at least we can feel that we're doing something, even if we're just making something worse.

Because that's what being a Democrat is all about.

So in closing, I'd like to say to the people of America: You're screwed.

A Little Bit of Advice...

Hello Earthlings.

Tektak F. Mechanoid here and I've been looking at your Earthling news and I can't resist butting in with a little unsolicited advice.

1. Mark Sanford: Will someone get this guy a brain-scan? I mean come on, Michael Jackson dies, the only thing to get the mainstream media to drop a Republican scandal, and he goes and opens his big mouth, again, and again. He's gotta have like an aneurysm, or a brain tumor clouding his sense of reason.

My advice- get him some medical help, and his wife a damn good lawyer.

2. Cap & Trade: Crap & Raid is more accurate. This bill seeks to increase prices exponentially, destroy jobs, and hand Wall Street a whole new market more ephemeral than derivatives and sub-prime mortgages, otherwise known as carbon credit trading. And I haven't even touched the goodies for every political crook, crank and crackpot that it's going to dish out.

My advice- ditch it in the Senate, and anyone who votes for it should be voted out as soon as possible.

3. ObamaCare: Soon Americans will discover the joys of waiting 6 months to see a doctor, and another year to get a test, just like Canadians.

My advice- Forget the 50 million uninsured, the bulk of them can actually buy their own, but don't. Stick only to the 10 million chronically uninsured, and then you can do something. Either that or buy MoxArgon's android doctors and install them in every home. It's the only way you can get socialized health care to actually function.

4. Iran & North Korea: Both countries practice violent aggression against their neighbors and their own people, and both are working on nukes.

My advice- grow a pair, and do something.

I hope this advice is helpful.

Bye.