Let's Get Those Stats Up!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Recently a blogger named Wyatt Earp hit his 100,000th visitor, which is pretty darn good. Now this blog recently went past the 20,000 visitor mark but it's still a long way from 100,000.

Now Wyatt held a contest where visitor 100,000 won a DVD, which is nice, but since I'm Overlord of the Known Universe, I'm offering something a little more valuable. Click the pic to embiggen and see what you can win. That's right. If you're visitor #100,000 you will NOT be enslaved and forced to toil in the petroleum or mucus mines. So win it, and not tick me off after that, and you might be the last free person on your wretched little planet.

Good luck.

You're gonna need it.

So keep watching the skies, and keep visiting this site, because we're watching you.

MoxArgon on Coulter & Spies

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Like everyone I've been flooded with chatter about Anne Coulter. Now I won't get into the GMA incident where her words, intended to criticize the murder fantasizing of Bill Maher, are being mangled from Karachi to California so John "Pretty Boy" Edwards can score more "Coulter Cash" from the drooling hordes of Kos Kids and Democrats who fear Rupert Murdoch more than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

What I'd like to talk about here is the surprisingly "spontaneous" phone call from Elizabeth Edwards to bushwhack Coulter over Coulter's rather tasteless attack on her hubby's rather tasteless profiteering off the death of their teenage son.

It takes the form of a question for the show's host MSNBC flack Chris Matthews:

Would Mr. Matthews have Markos from the Daily Kos on his show and allow a "spontaneous" call from the families of security contractors murdered and mutilated in Iraq to ask him about his "screw'em" comment?

It's not that hard a question.

In fact, it would probably be very simple to arrange.

Not that Matthews would ever do that.

He'd lose his invitation to the next fund-raiser for John Edwards' "charity for the poor" that does nothing for poor people but instead pays for Edwards to travel the country in luxury, collecting $50,000 fees to scold people that they're not doing enough for poor people.

****

I'd now like to talk about the so-called "Family Jewels" a collection of files that reveal all of the Central Intelligence Agency's Cold War sins both venal and mortal.

They detail decades of dirty deals, mad science, the occasional assassination (both attempted & successful), and domestic espionage on everyone from pinko peaceniks to puffy politicians.

Now the question is Why?

The answer is simple.

The bureaucrats in the CIA and media want to screw Bush, and not in the Biblical sense.

You see, it's all about optics. It not about what the things actually are, but what the media makes them appear to be.

Most of these past sins were committed under the orders of Democratic Administrations, including the now sacred Kennedy Administration. But since the files are being released now, with the Kennedy Brothers long dead and canonized, the media will present, or spin, these files to make the Bush administration look bad.

Watch the coverage of this story. They will all drift from the historic wrongdoings and try to find comparisons to warrantless wiretaps of terrorists to Gitmo.

So while JFK and his brudder Bobby may have ordered the hit, it'll be Bush who will be blamed in the press.

And that's exactly what the CIA bureaucrats want to happen. Because they're so badly tied up with Democrats and their moneybags, it's scary. But since it's the Democrats playing footsie with the CIA, it's ignored by the media.

So keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

It's a matter of fairness

A
SPECIAL
MESSAGE
BY

SNOTGLOB T. MUTANT

(token liberal)

Hi there Earthlings, it's me Snotglob, the mutant who cares.

There's been a lot of talk about bringing back the Fairness Doctrine which gives the government, hopefully Democrat, the power to regulate political speech in the media.

Well, I for one, am for it.

Those big bullies on talk radio, Fox News, and blogs have to be silenced.

They dare to ask Democrats tough questions.

They do not believe every word Democrats say.

They dare to practice their right to free speech.

They even report the shady shenanigans of prominent Democrats like Diane Feinstein, John Murtha, William Jefferson and Harry Reid.

That makes them worse than Hitler.

Really, it does.

They are pure evil.

And they must be using some sort of subliminal mind control conspiracy to maintain their hold on the listeners and web-surfers of America.

How else can you explain the scandal riddled failure of liberal radio network Air America?

Come on, how can people resist the sharp and brilliant comedy of Al Franken and the raw earthy sex appeal of Janeane Garofolo without some sort of mind-control being involved.

Talk radio and right wing blogs, like this one, must be destroyed.

And they should be replaced with more moderate and sensible voices, like Keith Olberman, Michael Moore, Chris Matthews, Rosie O'Donnell, and Dan Rather.

They don't need facts like those evil right wingers to get to the truth of the matter.

And the fact that 9 out of 10 give money to Democrats doesn't mean that they can't be truly objective.

So let's be fair and stop all that free speech.

It's evil.

The Road To Hell is Paved With Meaning Well...

AN EDITORIAL BY

REMULAK MOXARGON

OVERLORD OF THE KNOWN UNIVERSE

Former sitcom writer turned political and moral philosopher Peter Mehlman took time off from writing about 'nothing' to showing the world that he knows nothing. He popped down to the internet's one-stop shop for fashionable leftism and occasional Antisemitism, AKA HuffPo, to let the world know that he understands the Bush administration and its motivations.

Apparently, it's pure evil.

You can read the piece here, or if it's been yanked, as is HuffPo policy when contributors endorse fascism, you can read the complete text here.

You see, Mehlman is the classic leftist. He claims to understand the world, he claims to understand the motivations of people, especially Republicans. Yet that claim to understanding is based upon a fundamental hypocrisy.

Allow me to step on Xran's turf and explain.

Leftists claim to be open minded and against discrimination, but often show themselves to be the most closed minded and discriminating Earthlings I have ever encountered.

When a conservative pundit claims to understand the actions and motivations of someone like Iranian prez Mahmoud Ahmadinejad they base these things on the stuff he says and does. I have no problem with calling someone "evil" if they spend their country's resources on nuclear weapons during massive unemployment and threaten a democratic country with being "wiped off the map."

However, when a Leftist brain-box like Mehlman claims to understand the actions and motivations of George W. Bush it's based on a conglomeration of personal prejudices that manifests itself as "Bush Derangement Syndrome" rather than anything Bush actually says or does.

Bush says he's trying to bring democracy to Iraq and Afghanistan, and America's best and brightest are fighting to bring it about. Contracts have been signed giving the Iraqis control of their own oil resources and who they sell it to. Halliburton does not own it, yet Mehlman still clings to the myth of blood, oil, and Halliburton.

You see Mehlman believes in what post-modern thinkers call the "meta-narrative" whether he knows it or not. This concept says that certain facets of society will do things in certain ways for certain reasons.

According the meta-narrative of the Iraq War, the fighting has nothing to do with bringing democracy to a country tormented by decades of dictatorships. Instead it's all a big evil conspiracy to kill people for the sake of killing people so they can drill for oil under the puddles of blood and spattered brains. Sure, a functioning democratic nation would solve a lot problems in the Middle East, but that doesn't fit the meta-narrative.

Mike Nifong, the Duke lacrosse persecutor, believed in the leftist meta-narrative that all evil rich white boys do is go around raping poor black women. He believed it so strongly he sacrificed investigative procedure, constitutional rights of the accused, the good name of his office, and in the end, his own legal license to fulfill it.

Even I have fallen victim to the rabid Inquisitors of High Church of Our Lady of the Over-Arching Meta-Narrative.

If you look at our Culture Corner post and scroll down to the comments you'll see a lot of lefty trolls accusing me of being racist and using the term "dirty brown people."

Okay, my memory may be failing me, but I don't recall ever using the term "dirty brown people" when describing Islamist terrorists. I believe that Islamist terrorists are found all over Earth's ethnic/genetic spectrum and that Islam has very strict sanitary codes so their most ardent fundamentalists can't be described as "dirty."

When I attack Islamist Terrorists I try to make a point to attack their actions and their public statements, not their ethnicity or cleanliness.

Yet I'm attacked as if I did.

Why?

Because the Leftist meta-narrative declares that since I support the ouster of Saddam Hussein, the bringing of democracy to the Middle East, the smiting of terrorists wherever they're found, and the frequent nut-punching of hippies, I must be some sort of racist who must have, at some time, called Muslims "dirty brown people" whether I actually did or not.

So here's what it boils down to.

Meta-narrative is no different than the old-time Jim Crow era beliefs about African Americans, but since it is aimed at Republicans, Christians, and pro-Israeli Jews it's dressed in the slightly tattered, but socially acceptable, robes of liberal academia.

Now it's perfectly okay to downplay the atrocities of Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot, and now Saddam Hussein, because the Meta-Narrative says it's okay because they're the sort of people Republicans opposed.

Much the same way the Ku Klux Klan thought lynching blacks was okay, because it fit their meta-narrative.

So the next time Mehlman opens his mouth, show him this picture:

And ask Mehlman if Saddam meant well.

Then tell him to ask the Kurds if Saddam meant well.

Then call him an asshole.

Which is your right as an American.

A Cyborg Among the Stars

Hi there little Earthlings.

TekTak here, filling in as entertainment reporter. Android CAI-7 was sent on a 'special break' by Remulak, so I'll be filling in as entertainment reporter till he gets back, or we build a replacement.

So let's get down to show business.

1. Germany has barred Tom Cruise from filming a movie there because of his involvement in Scientology. The German government considers Scientology a for-profit business instead of a religion, something the Scientologists deny. I'm personally uncomfortable with Scientology and how it treats Remulak's friend Xenu. I mean, he's a sweet old gent who likes making model space-cruisers in bottles and loves his grand-hatchlings, and the Scientologists bad-mouth him regularly. It's prejudice, plain and simple. Maybe someday an Earthling scientist will find a pill that will cure it.

2. Actress and scholar Cameron Diaz has apologized to the people of Peru for her handbag. Apparently the Peruvians think the 70,000 dead people at the hands of the Maoist Shining Path makes Hollywood's love affair with Bolshevik-Chic kind of tacky. I'm sure Ms. Diaz thought Shining Path was the name of the next hot rehab centre opening in Malibu.

Shortly afterwards she announced a new line of Swastika decorated clothing and accessories for her upcoming tour of Israel.

3. Washed up sitcom writer Peter Mehlman declared his support for Adolph Hitler. Don't believe me, click here. Yep, Mehlman, who wrote for a show about nothing, shows that he has nothing between his ears. He brings up all the classic gliberal talking points: War on Terror in Iraq is only for oil, Bush works for evil conspiracy, yadda, yadda, yadda. But he tops it all off with a ringing endorsement of past dictators as better than Bush because "they meant well," and that Bush's push for democracy over dictators is pure evil.

Well Mr. Mehlman, when one of Osama Bin Ladin's worshippers slits your throat, you can relax in the knowledge that he's trying to make the world a better place. Remulak is promising one of his editorials, so I'll leave him to finish this one up.

I'm placing bets on how fast Ms. Huffington pulls it from the site, or Mehlman tries to write it off as a joke. For some reason, endorsing Hitler and Stalin as "meaning well" is considered politically incorrect.

That's all for now, so stay on point.

A True Crime Story...

Okay, here's the story.

A prisoner doing time for parole violation in Utah is taken to a medical appointment outside prison. While on the outside he overpowers the guard, takes the guard's gun, and kills the guard.

Now he's looking at 1st Degree Murder.

He goes on the run, but is quickly caught.

Because he looks like...

This.

Way to blend in with the crowd in Utah you moron.

This is a perfect case for the death penalty, he's too dumb to be allowed to live. He thinks killing a guard and going on the run while looking like a rejected circus freak makes himself a grat criminal mastermind.

I have one word for it... idiocy.

Use Your Words....

United Press International (AKA UPI) has decided that 9/11 was not a terrorist attack. (h/t Jawa)

FBI non-terror cases off 30 percent

NEW YORK, June 21 (UPI) -- The number of FBI prosecutions for non-terror prosecutions have fallen since the guerrilla attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, federal data shows.

As my pal TekTak would say: Oy gevalt!

What the hell were they smoking down at UPI when they lost the basic cognitive skill need to tell a terrorist attack from a guerrilla action?

I think it's time we poach one of our token Earthling's ideas and present a dictionary that people can use to figure out your funny muddle of a world you call Earth.

UNABASHED POLITICAL DICTIONARY

RADICAL- (Noun) Someone who calls for the fall of a government or a social system but does not call for violence and does not actually do anything beyond some petty vandalism and a lot of whining.

MILITANT- (Noun) Someone who calls for violence to bring about the fall of a government or social system, but doesn't have the stones to act on their words.

GUERILLA- (Noun) Member of an informal army that uses hit and run tactics against hostile military targets and generally stays within the bounds of the Geneva Convention on the rules of war and tries to avoid civilian casualties.

TERRORIST- (Noun) Person who believes in killing as many people (preferably civilians) as possible to force their belief systems on everyone else. Don't care about the Geneva Convention, or human and constitutional rights, unless they're captured by a democracy, then they cry like a little girl. The belief system that they are planning to impose on the world is usually an impossible pipe dream blending Utopian nonsense with a love of death and destruction.

DOUCHEBAG- (Noun) A member of the mainstream media that is unable to tell radicals, militants, guerrillas, and terrorists apart because they are deranged by a hatred of Republicans.

I hope this helps, and if you have your own definitions drop them in the PLEAS section.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Culture Corner: Response to the Poetry of Terror

Greetings puny Earthlings.

My, my.

The first issue of Culture Corner has already garnered a response in a very short time. It seems a lot of puny Earthlings don't care for poetry or the people in Gitmo writing poetry. Here are some of their comments:

Anonymous said...

You are sick.

Well, I do have some sniffles, but that mostly due to an allergy to dander from my wife's pet Farbog. But thanks for the concern for my health.

Patty said...

I support GWB’s right to unlawfully hold these prisoners and torture the shit out of them. Who cares if some of them may be innocent they are just dirty brown people anyway. Let’s just continue to rape them. I enjoy hearing that these dirty brown people are subject to eating their own shit.

Gee Patty. I find your comment both racist and misinformed.

First, Jihadist detained at Gitmo are not "dirty brown people" like you say, but relatively clean people from a wide variety of Earth's genetic spectrum. So your attempt to brand them all as "dirty" and "brown" shows that deep down, you are a racist.

Also, the accusations of torture at Gitmo, as filed by a captured Jihadi, according to his training claims that the worst offenses didn't involve being raped, but involving having an underinflated soccer ball, getting shaved against his will, and having a poor quality morning newspaper.

Considering that these are guys who watch beheading videos like pr0n, that's not much in the line of torture. And while the coffee at Gitmo isn't the best (it's that instant crap) you should probably know something about the Gitmo prisoners. Prisoners don't gain weight by eating their own shit.

One thing that is a proven fact, is that Gitmo detainees are definitely better treated than anyone taken prisoner by the groups Gitmo detainees belong to.

Rick said...

Let's try to get our minds around one thing: except for a small portion of America, like those of us in the fields of Left Blogsylvania, no one fuckin' cares that innocent people, captured, tortured, tortured again when they try to protest are in U.S. custody. It's easier to just believe the Gitmo detainees are, as the administration tells us repeatedly, terrible, awful, murderous people. 'Cause not to believe that means you have to confront what's being done in your name. Or suppress it in that Great American Storehouse of Repressed Memory, hoping it never creeps out to consciousness.

Bush would like you to just shrug your shoulders if a few hundred innocent "dirty brown" people are tortued and killed at Gitmo it is no great loss really, they are probably just terrorist lovin evil doers anyway. Those poems will certainly prove that!

Okay.

So you are operating under the assumption that all prisoners at Gitmo are innocent of terrorism. Many of them are admitted members of Al-Qaida, attended Al Qaida training camps, and have actively participated in terrorist activities in the name of jihad.

And what about the detainees that were released from Gitmo? Many of them have been recaptured, actively engaging in terrorist activities for Al Qaida. I guess the Americans must have made them that way.

Wow, this has been eye opening. Your responses have taught me a few things about the political left.

1. Leftists only believe terrorists who are trained to lie over their own democratic countries.

2. Leftists automatically assume that suspected terrorists who kill for dictators are innocent, yet democracies are always assumed as guilty.

3. Leftists believe that only democratic nations engage in torture and mistreatment. All the other countries that mutilate, castrate and defenestrate prisoners on a daily basis, are only expressing their culture.

4. Leftists automatically assume all others are racists, because deep down, they are the worst racists themselves.

5. Leftists have nothing better to do than post rambling profanity strewn comments on minor political satire blogs in the vain hope that if they use the words "fuck" and "shit" as punctuation to their pre-packaged Democratic Party -Move On- Al Qaida talking point screeds they will somehow convince people that they are right.


Thanks for your input folks. You've taught me a lot about your particular Earthling sub-species.


PS: You forgot to tell me that I'm "worse than Hitler." Come on, get with it people. You're getting a little slow on the uptake.

Not So Fantastic 4!

A
DISCUSSION OF
MODERN FILM
BY
GALACTUS
DEVOURER OF WORLDS

Okay, I've been doing a little reading about the movie Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I've been very curious about that movie, considering it involves my herald that whiny little bastard the Silver Surfer and has to have at least a cameo by yours truly, me.

I wasn't interested in who'd they cast for the role. I have like cosmically big shoes to fill, so it can't be pulled off by any Hollywood pretty boy. I was leaning toward them casting some brawny fellow for the body, but get Christopher Lee to do the voice.

What did Marvel's movie division and 20th Century Fox do?

They made the character based on me a cloud.

A FREAKING CLOUD!

What in the name of the big bang is that all about?

What were they thinking?

That drooling pimple-popping fanboys would fork over their money for a glimpse of Jessica Alba in a spandex bodysuit and not give a royal crap about the rest, that's what they were thinking.

What a pack of bastards.

It shows the exact reason why sequels are under-performing at the box office this year. Producers and filmmakers don't want to deal with characters and stories, all they want are lots of computer generated explosions, chicks in tight outfits, and the occasional shot at the Bush administration. So they take cheap short cuts, like making ME of all the people in the cosmos, a freaking cosmic killer fart.

I'm one of the most powerful villains in the Marvel comics universe. I literally eat planets and shit asteroids. I'm also charming, erudite, and drop dead sexy.

That's not a cloud.

I may not be allowed to eat Earth, but I think I might make a nice light snack out of Hollywood.

Bastards.

Culture Corner: The Poetry of Terror

A publisher is planning to release a book of the collected poems of Guantanamo Bay prisoners for the edification of Islamists and Moonbats the world over.

In honour of this momentous literary event we at the MoxArgon Group have started Culture Corner to look at the low-down of the high-brow world. And for our inaugural edition we have a selection of the poems being written by the sage scribes of Gitmo.

1.
Roses are reddish
Violets are blueish
Let me out now
So I can kill all the Jewish

2.
I want to cut your throats
Killing your kids is good
And it's all your fault
'Cause Rushdie gotta knighthood

3.
We will kill you all
Your empires will fall
It will happen soon
Because you printed a cartoon

4.
I'd rather cut necks
Than have sex
I'd rather cut throats
Than screw goats

5.
Lefties want me free
To go on a killing spree
Gitmo is cruel
Is what I say to the fools
For getting a lap dance
From a woman in hot-pants

6.
There once was a man from Nantucket
Then I killed him and his family

Wow, it really shows the soulful depths of the imprisoned Jihadist.

Anyone else have a poem from Gitmo? Leave it in the comments...

Yahoo! Another test!

I've been getting a little test happy lately, and I've decided to depart briefly from politics to find out:

WHAT KIND OF WESTERN BAD-ASS ARE YOU?

Take the test, if you're tough enough and tell us how you scored.

XRAN XPLAINS: THE SCOOTER LIBBY CASE

This is...

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby

He used to work for
Vice President
Dick Cheney

This is...
Saddam Hussein

He used to rule
Iraq

Various intelligence agencies around the world were hearing reports that
Iraq

Was sweet-talking
Niger

To buy some

Yellow Cake Uranium

To do this...
Not good.

The CIA
who really work for
(But that's another story)
wanted to know more.

CIA Analyst
Valerie Plame-Wilson
volunteered her husband

Former Ambassador Joe Wilson
to go to Niger to find out what was happening

Around the same timeVP Dick Cheney

asked the

CIA
to do something
(for a change)

They sentWilson
to sit by the pool in Niger
drinking cocktails and
learning





nothing

British Intelligence reported that Iraq
had tried and failed to purchase yellow cake uranium from
Niger

A
DIRECT VIOLATION OF
THE GULF WAR
CEASE-FIRE
&
AN ACT OF WAR

Bush mentioned it in his State of the Union AddressWilson
did what any patriotic American would do

He wrote this article for theDenouncing the speech and the Bush Administration as a bunch of liars

An article many folks had field days with questions of accuracy and ethics. But like the CIA's relationship with the NYT, that's another story.

Deputy Secretary of StateRichard Armitage
gossiped to
Columnist
Robert Novak
that Wilson
was married toValerie Plame

DEMOCRATS & THE MEDIA
PROMPTLY
SHAT KITTENS

They demanded that heads roll!

Specifically the head ofKarl Rove

Why?

Because Karl Rove is behind everything.

To satisfy the calls for vengeance and to stop the conspiracy mongering the White House assigned US Attorney
Patrick Fitzgerald
who was hired by
Bill Clinton
to investigate
as a gesture of bipartisanship

Fitzgerald quickly learned that the leak wasRichard Armitage
and that Plame'sCIA 'cover' had been blown years earlier by
The Russians

So he couldn't charge Armitage under the Intelligence Identities Protection Act.

(Plus Armitage opposed the overthrow of Saddam Hussein which made him sacred to Democrats)

But Fitzgerald kept digging

For several years

Spending millions of dollars

Imprisoning a journalist

Threatening dozens of others

He had to justify this tactics
So he chargedScooter Libby

with
obstruction

for not remembering the time he gossiped with
NBC's Tim Russert
about Plame
while discussing something else entirely.
Scooter
got convicted

Now Fitzgerald
wants Scooter
locked up before his appeal is heard.

Why?

Because the case will be tossed on appeal for being bogus
(How can one lie about their involvement in a crime that the prosecutor says DID NOT HAPPEN)
and unconstitutional

(according to legal experts from Robert Bork on the right to Alan Dershowitz on the left)

And if Scooter
walks without giving the media pics of him in a prison uniform
Fitzgerald's
political career with the Democrats will be over.

No nomination for congress or governor of Illinois

I hope this clears up a few things.