GOTTA QUESTION?

Have a question that only the advanced minds of the MoxArgon Group can answer?

Then drop it off here. We're going to be taking a little hiatus till the next Earth week and we'll answer them then.

Now get asking!

Moment of Truth Roundtable #1

VOX POPLAR Vox Poplar, token Earthling here to welcome you to the first edition of the MOMENT OF TRUTH ROUNDTABLE. This is where we collect some guests, seal them into my patented stainless steel tubes of truth, leaving them unable to lie, and we get some honest answers out of them. Joining me today is Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama, Speaker of the House Democrat Nancy Pelosi, and representing the mainstream media, MSNBC pseudo-journalist Chris Matthews. Welcome to the blog.

BARACK OBAMA Let me out of this tube!

NANCY PELOSI Let me out!

CHRIS MATTHEWS Barack Obama? Is that you! I love you! You make my extremities tingle!

VOX POPLAR Don't struggle, there's only so much air in those things. My first question is for Barack Obama, how do you think your recent world tour went.

BARACK OBAMA Probably not as good as I hoped, even with my campaign inflating the numbers in Berlin. Now that I think about it, should Americans really trust the taste Germans have in charismatic leaders?

VOX POPLAR Good point. So why are you running for president?

BARACK OBAMA I have to do it now, or have everyone find out that the only thing I have going for me is charm and blind ambition.

CHRIS MATTHEWS I love you Barack Obama! Please tea-bag me with your soaring rhetoric!

BARACK OBAMA If it weren't for the blind adoration of a blatantly biased media I'd be nowhere now. Just think about it, I was editor of the Harvard Law Review, and a law professor, but I didn't produce a single work of scholarship that people can cite today. I refused to take a job on Wall Street because I would have judged by my merits, and became a "community organizer" that really organized nothing except my own political career.

CHRIS MATTHEWS You did write the only two books I ever finished reading oh great and holy lightworker!

BARACK OBAMA Whoop-dee-doo. I wrote two books about how wonderful I am, that's a great qualification for the presidency. Basically I have nothing but a desire for power.

CHRIS MATTHEWS I adore you oh great one!

BARACK OBAMA I thought he was creepy when he was pretending to be objective. Wow.

VOX POPLAR Now to Nancy Pelosi. Why are you still opposed to offshore oil drilling?

NANCY PELOSI I like to bring up that 1969 Santa Barbara oil spill, but come on, that was almost 40 years ago and Mother Nature spills more than anything man does by a long-shot. And I could talk about global warming, but we know it's all crap anyway. Basically, we just want to keep gas prices high, so our friends in foreign countries can get rich, and so we can create excuses for massive state subsidies for wind farms and solar farms run by our other friends.

VOX POPLAR I was going to ask Chris Matthews about media bias, but he's already answered my question. So, I'm going to let you out of the tubes and send you home.

BARACK OBAMA Great, because I had a bean burrito for lunch, and I really shouldn't have.

VOX POPLAR That's all for now, and remember to keep watching the skies, because my bosses are watching you.

CHRIS MATTHEWS Can I smell Obama's tube?

VOX POPLAR NO!

The Leftist Mind: Media & Bastards

Greetings puny Earthlings, it's time take another dip into that algae blooming kiddy pool of the Leftist Mind.

There's a lot of attention in the blogosphere about the lack of attention being paid in the Mainstream Media to reports that John Edwards had cast his seed with a woman who was not his wife and had a love child.

I don't know if the story's true or not, and to be honest I don't care, in fact I thought old Edwards would have been distracted by his reflection to much to take the time to father an extra child, but that's the point of this post.

The point is that the media is wilfully ignoring the story. Folks on the right are saying it's bias, and they're right up to a point, the MSM leap on every unsubstantiated rumour about a Republican as if it was gospel from on high.

But that just scratches the surface.

You see a Republican runs on a platform of good governance, strong defence, law and order, and a certain level of moral rectitude. That means that Republicans are held to a certain standard of behaviour.

Democrats have no standards.

Democrats have nothing to do with proper governance, defence, the rule of law, and definitely nothing to do with moral rectitude.

With Democrats, and all Leftists, it's all about trading control and responsibility over their lives for state-sponsored goodies.

There's no way you can shock a Democrat with their leader's improprieties, because that's just the price of getting their hands on your money. It's just that simple.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, you little bastards.

Douchebags of the Week... Erratically Scheduled Edition...

Greetings fellow Earthlings, it's time for another one of our erratically scheduled editions of DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK!

Let's get started:

BARACK OBAMA- For skipping visiting wounded members of the military he seeks to be commander in chief of, in favour of more photo-ops with cheering Eurotrash. Apparently snubbing the men and women who fight for freedom is the only decision he's willing to stick with. And BTW... YOU ARE NOT PRESIDENT YET! There still has to be an election. You know, democracy?

WESLEY CLARK- For insulting the honour of his former comrades in arms by claiming that it was not their bravery, or prowess as warriors that brought about all the recent victories in Iraq, but a few bribes paid by the Saudis that did it.

KEITH OLBERMANN- He's bound to have done something douchey this week, it's in the constitution.

Anyway, if you're name is here, then...


Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you. You douchebags.

EXCLUSIVE SCOOP: REJECTED MCCAIN OP-ED!

Hello fellow Earthlings, Vox Poplar here, with an exclusive scoop. You've probably all heard that the New York Times rejected an op-ed by Republican candidate John McCain, a week after publishing an op-ed by Democratic candidate Barack Obama's speechwriters.

Now some other sites may claim to have the McCain piece, but they are all dirt stinking fibbers. Only I have the real op-ed in all its unexpurgated glory. So here it is (NSFW-Language Warning):

I'M A CRUSADER WITHOUT A CAPE!
By Sen. John McCain (R-Arizona)

Have you seen the new Batman movie?

Let me tell you, it is KICK ASS!

And it reminded me a lot about the situation the world is in right now. We got a world crawling with Jokers, trying make everyone else as miserable and koo-koo-nutso as they are, and only one man willing to fight.

And that's me.

I'm Batman!

Barack Obama is no Batman. He's not even Robin.

I'm not saying he's a bad person, I'm sure he's very nice and all that, but he's lacking that essential quality to be America's Batman.

I'm talking balls.

When it comes to foreign policy, he's as hung as a field mouse while mine are stainless steel and can crack bricks when I get my dander up. Don't let my age fool you either, even with my gimped up arms I can still make any man my dog's bitch without breaking a sweat if he so much as looks at me cock-eyed.

Of course the media treats Obama like he's the second coming, even when he makes nutless statements about not "provoking" Iran after Iran tests some new missiles.

Excuse me my soprano singing rival, but Iran's doing all the provoking.

And why should we appease them? They're the psychos, it's about time we start a new policy: APPEASE ME MOTHERFUCKERS.

Yeah, I said it, I was in navy you know.

So as your president, I will tell the world that they better get their act together, and get peaceful, or I will dispense cans of hot steaming whoop-ass left, right, and center.

See how long the jihad lasts after that.

So vote for me. Or I'll run you over with my batmobile.

Because that car was kick-ass!

Random Rambling Reality Checks

Greetings puny Earthlings. Sorry for being so lazy lately, but I made the mistake of visiting Gremuflax 05 to visit one of my wives.

Never visit a desert planet during its summer. You'll either end up baking alive or rigging your fusion drive to run the air conditioner.

Phew.

Anyhoo, I've taken a moment to look at your politics and its led me to ask a few questions.

1. Does anyone know that Obama's pledge to double the capital gains tax will most likely spark a stock market crash on election day as everyone scrambles to save their profits? Same with the already battered housing market.

2. Why is Obama demanding that people stop criticizing his wife? He put her on the campaign trail, he let her make those nutty statements, and does he remember Howard Dean's wife? She didn't say anything crazy, so no one said anything about her.

3. Does anyone realize that the so-called "fairness doctrine" is not just censorship, but also a welfare program for failed talk show hosts?

4. Global Warming hysterics love to accuse so-called "deniers" of being "in the pay of big oil" but does anyone realize that the AGW hysteria is one of the key reasons oil prices are so high? So who is really out to make billions for big oil?

5. Why do environmentalists get so upset about a tightly regulated American offshore drilling industry, but unregulated drilling in Africa, Arabia, Venezuela, and other countries are okay?

That's all for now, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

SALE! SALE! SALE!

ATTENTION!
THIS IS BARACK OBAMA & I'M MAKING A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OFFER

EVERYTHING ABOUT ME MUST GO!

MY POSITIONS!
MY BELIEFS!

MY FRIENDS!

ALL UNDER THE BUS!

AND ALL IT WILL TAKE IS YOUR VOTE!

PUBLIC FINANCING!

GONE!

IRAQ WAR SURRENDER!

GONE!
MY CRAZY RADICAL FRIENDS!

GONE! GONE! GONE!

DON'T WORRY ABOUT JESSE JACKSON CUTTING MY NUTS OFF!

I DON'T HAVE ANY!

SAME WITH MY SPINE!

BEND ME, SHAPE ME, ANYWAY YOU WANT ME!

AS LONG AS YOU VOTE FOR ME!

I WILL TELLY YOU WANT YOU WANT TO HEAR!

THEN I WILL RULE THE WAY YOU DEEPLY FEAR!

SO GET OUT THERE AND VOTE EARLY AND VOTE OFTEN!

BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME!

I CAN
CHANGE!

THEN CHANGE BACK WHEN I WIN!

The Leftist Mind: A Picture Says a 1000 Words...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Remulak MoxArgon here, Supreme Absolute Ruler of the Known Universe, and your future Overlord. Remember to buy into the "When MoxArgon Invades" Pool and if you get the date of the arrival of my hordes correct, you win a free pass out of the slave pits and petroleum mines. But that's for another time, because this time I'm here to talk about THE LEFTIST MIND.

Yes, I know, we're dipping our collective toe into that snake-pit again, and I know it's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it, and it might as well be me. Today I'm going to discuss a New Yorker cartoon, and unlike most of the New Yorker's cartoons, this one is supposed to make sense, at least to some people. Now for those of you who are not very good at understanding "dem dere peekturs" I'll explain what's happening. It shows Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama in the Oval Office, dressed as a stereotypical Muslim in a robe and turban, fist-bumping his wife, who is dressed like a reject from the Symbionese Liberation Army, and carrying an AK-47. Meanwhile Osama Bin Ladin looks down from a portrait and the American flag burns in the fireplace.

Barack Obama is making great hay out of this, claiming that it's yet another smear from the mythical "Right Wing Hate Machine."

But the onion in that ointment is that The New Yorker is an openly left wing publication, why would they print such a cartoon?

Some on the Right think that's the racism that's inherent in the political left, which is found in such institutions of the Democratic Party from the Ku Klux Klan to the pandering, infantilizing race-baiting of Jesse Jackson, and the blatant racism of Ted Rall when discussing Condi Rice, and while they do have a point, they are basically wrong.

The New Yorker did it, because Barack Obama's campaign and it's clique of elite wealthy backers wanted it to be done.

Now why would these paragons of political correctness, so uptight they won't even admit the influence of Islam on terrorism, do this?

Well it's simple:

THE LEFTIST WILL DO ANYTHING FOR POWER.

Ethics, morals, good taste, they are all obstacles in the path to ultimate power. They will lie, cheat, steal, and more commonly, slander those who oppose them as evil, especially racist evil.

Barack Obama himself laid the groundwork for this at a recent campaign appearance where he said:

“We know what kind of campaign they’re going to run. They’re going to try to make you afraid. They’re going to try to make you afraid of me. He’s young and inexperienced and he’s got a funny name. And did I mention he’s black?”

Obama doesn't have any real policies, his message of "hope & change" is more of a mantra than a platform, and he has more flip-flops than a Hawaiian surf-shop, he needs to distract voters from these glaring weaknesses or they might see him for a suit empty of anything but a pocketful of ambition.

He needs to be a victim to do this, standing alone against the evil racists who oppose him because they have to be racist because they oppose him.

Sadly, the Right, except for a few on the nutty fringes, failed to deliver on the fearmongering. The rumours of his secret Muslim past was mostly ignored by anyone outside the Hillary Clinton campaign, because the smart people on the Right knew that Obama is not a Muslim. That's because you actually have to believe in something to be a Muslim, and Barack Obama believes in nothing but his own greed for power.

The Right does discuss his inexperience, the only thing he has a lot of, but I don't think they view him as a scary figure. In fact, most see him as a weak figure, a shallow, vain, opportunists with a cadre of friends that range from the crooked (Rezko) to the fanatical (Ayers) to the downright nutty (Rev. Wright) and he's running out of buses to throw them under. And that's not racist, they'd have done the same thing to any candidate with a resume thinner than Paris Hilton.

So, without the Right providing the racism he wanted Obama's backers have decided to manufacture it, and they believe it will work because the Mainstream Media will take anything Obama's campaign says as gospel, whether it has any truth in it or not.

So the New Yorker publishes a rather inane cartoon, claiming that it's about what the Right is up to, even though it has nothing really to do with the Right, and it gives Obama that blessed status of victimhood he so desperately craves to distract folks from his utter failure as a statesman.

And that's all you need to know.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Point/Counterpoint - Decapitated, Castrated, & Defanged

TEKTAK- Hello puny Earthlings, time for another edition of Point-Counterpoint. I'm Tektak F. Mechanoid from the Right.

SNOTGLOB- And I'm Snotglob T. Mutant from the Left.

TEKTAK- First topic: British Christians, and I'm pretty sure that's both of them, are up in arms over a BBC crime drama which shows an innocent Muslim being beheaded by a Christian Fundamentalist.

SNOTGLOB- Why are they offended?

TEKTAK- Because Christians, even fundamentalists, don't normally behead people. In fact you'd be pretty hard pressed to find a case of Christian motivated decapitation of a Muslim in Britain.

SNOTGLOB- But Christians are all drooling psychopaths! I see it on TV all the time.

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! White Christians are the only politically correct prejudice in the media and the fashionably atheists of the mainstream media leap into it with both feet. And to put some salt in the wound, the show in question claims to be "fact based" and "ripped from the headlines." WHAT HEADLINES?

SNOTGLOB- There are no headlines because Fox News won't report all those Christian decapitators.

TEKTAK- If this show was based on facts, instead of prejudices, they'd be doing stories on honour killings, kidnappings that end in torture and beheadings, rapes, bombings, and mass slaughters, all done in the name of a fundamentalist religion, and guess what, it's not being done by Christians.

SNOTGLOB- Talking about those facts are racist, and it's better to blame other, innocent people, rather than talk about the folks who really do it, because it will offend someone.

TEKTAK- I rest my case. Next topic: The mainstream media is trying to bury comment made by the Reverend Jesse Jackson when he said during an interview that he would like to "cut his [Barack Obama's] nuts off."

SNOTGLOB- It was a meaningless slip of the tongue.

TEKTAK- If a Republican said that it would be a national scandal.

SNOTGLOB- Yes, and it should, but it was said by a black Democrat, so that makes it okay.

TEKTAK- How?

SNOTGLOB- It just does.

TEKTAK- Of course this is the same media that also ignores successes in Iraq, and also buries the thorough debunking of the Mohammed Al Dura hoax, that has cost hundreds of lives. As long as it allows them to slag Republicans, the military, and Israel, the Media doesn't really care about truth.

SNOTGLOB- Why should it? It might help Republicans and Israel?

TEKTAK- Time for our final topic. Former White House Spokesman Tony Snow passed away this week. We at the MoxArgon Group send our condolences to his family and friends, and would also like to point out that many leftist sites have closed their comments sections to avoid the usual round of piggish and offensive comments that usually follow whenever anyone outside their political sphere dies. Of course that shows the two top elements of the political left, an absolute lack of taste, and a tendency to censorship, and in their spirit, I'm not going to let Snotglob say anything obnoxious, and just call it a wrap, and that we'll see you next time, and until then, stay on point.

I AM NOT A FLIP-FLOPPER

A
FREE
POLITICAL
ANNOUNCEMENT
BY
SEN. BARACK OBAMA
(D-Presidential Candidate)

My fellow media darlings, and all you other folks.

It has come to my attention that the vast right wing conspiracy against me is accusing me of being a flip-flopper!

I am not a flip flopper!

I am a progressive!

John McCain can change his mind. Oh sure, he's given a pass because he usually bases these changes on facts and research, and I base mine on polls and opportunism, but that's not fair!

So from now on I am going to make firm stands, and I will stand by my stands for as long as I stand, and even when I sit or lay down!

As your president...

...I will order the immediate withdrawal of all troops from Iraq and Afghanistan, unless I don't order the immediate withdrawal of troops.

...I will support putting foreign terrorists under surveillance, which I will also oppose to my dying breath!

...I will accept and stand by public funding to get rid of the influence of money in politics, unless the billionaires who own the Democratic party start doling out the megabucks.

...I will not exploit my children for political gain, unless it's on Access Hollywood.

...I will cut taxes by raising taxes.

...I will make America energy independent by opposing nuclear power and expanded oil drilling.

...I will make America strong by slashing our military, and seeking approval from dictators and corrupt foreign bureaucrats through our weakness.

...I will make this country secure, by opposing any and all programs against terrorists and the people who support them.

... I will also protect free speech by reinstating the "Fairness" doctrine which will make speech I don't like illegal.

Thank you.











BTW....

Interglactic Roundtable 2-14

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. It's been too long, but we have managed to take some time from our busy schedules for another edition of Intergalactic Roundtable. I'm joined, as usual, by Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, and Varos Quasar. Let's light this candle. First topic: Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama has been flipping and flopping more than a live fish in a frying pan. What's your opinion?

XRAN- I think it shows that the only thing Barack Obama believes in is his own quest for power.

VAROS- Xran you are worse than Hitler! Barack Obama's constantly changing positions are a sign of maturity. It would be flip-flopping if done by anyone else, especially a Republican.

ANDROID CAI/7- Such posing and posturing is a highly illogical way to lead an empire.

MOXARGON- But it seems to be a very logical way to win an election, especially when the entire Mainstream Media thinks you're the best thing since chilled zygoria. And Varos, it's not a sign of maturity, it is flip flopping. Second topic: Obama's advisers have been putting their collective feet in it. First a foreign policy adviser said that he thought Winnie the Pooh was going to be the foundation text for Obama's presidency. What do you think?

XRAN- One thing about Winnie the Pooh is that America will be deep in it if Obama gets elected.

MOXARGON- You stole my joke.

XRAN- You know the rules, you snooze, you lose.

VAROS- What's wrong with Winnie the Pooh? He's a bear of little brain, and everyone likes him because he doesn't do anything.

ANDROID CAI/7- Though logically speaking it is a children's book, and has about as much connection to the real world as the patriotism of the New York Times.

MOXARGON- I had a joke, but Xran nicked it. So I'll move on to Wesley Clark. The former general and Obama toady slagged John McCain's war record, stating that getting shot down does not qualify him for the presidency--

XRAN- But half a term in the Senate and some work for ACORN does?

MOXARGON- Quit stealing my jokes!

VAROS- Just what did John McCain do that was so great? All he did was exhibit courage and leadership under extreme circumstances that would kill a lesser man.

ANDROID CAI/7- I think Varos made my point.

MOXARGON- Next topic, the war in Iraq.

XRAN- Is there still a war in Iraq?

MOXARGON- What the hell? You did it again!

XRAN- I'm just feeling sharp tonight.

MOXARGON- Anyway, Al Qaida in Iraq is getting a royal pounding about the head and butt--

XRAN- Which aren't that far apart for an Al Qaida member.

MOXARGON- Stop that! Al Qaida is getting creamed, and the American media is ignoring it.

VAROS- Iraq is a quagmire that is doomed to defeat! No facts or actual victories will ever change that!

ANDROID CAI/7- Once again Varos has made my point.

MOXARGON- Well at least he's not stealing your jokes. But that is the point. If Franklin Roosevelt was a Republican, the press wouldn't have reported either VE Day or VJ Day, and folks would have to wait for their loved ones to come home from the front to find out that they've won. Claiming there's no bias in the media is the biggest lie since the moon landings. Which actually happened on Mars. A little prank on our part... but next topic. Daily Kos has been called out by bloggers for showing how to make fake press passes. Their intent is for protest groups like Code Pink to use them, but it'll be likely that their buddies in Al Qaida have the same information.

XRAN- My solution would be making forging documents a death penalty offence.

VAROS- Faking documents and violating security is an essential component of free speech. Even if it gets a lot of people killed.

ANDROID CAI/7- We are just taking everyone else's points today, aren't we?

MOXARGON- Well, I guess you could say---

XRAN- That those Code Pink press passes are as real as their loyalty.

MOXARGON- Wait a minute, what's that in your ear? It's a brain scanner, you sneaky little joke poacher!

(Moxargon starts beating Xran)

VAROS- Stop fighting! Violence doesn't solve anything!

ANDROID CAI/7- I guess I will do the sign off. Keep watching the skies organic Earthlings, because we are watching you.

The Ultimate Obama Seal

Greeting puny Earthlings. After a lot of thinking, drinking, and sinking, I finally came up with the ultimate seal for the Barack Obama presidential campaign. The Latin means:

WORDS WITHOUT MEANING / DEEDS WITHOUT HONOUR.

Pass it around. I think it sums up the campaign perfectly. Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

MAGNA CARTA GOES FARTA

A
VIEW FROM
THE AFTERLIFE
COMMENTARY
BY
KING JOHN
OF ENGLAND
(1167-1216 AD)

Balls!

Damned blasted bloody balls!

Sorry about the burst of temper. It's just that I'm angry, I'm talking raging ball-steaming livid!

I guess I should introduce myself before I start raging again.

I'm the late King John of England. You may know me by the regrettable, and in my opinion: unfair, name of John Lackland, or for my greatest achievement, signing the Magna Carta.

Sure, I may have signed it unwillingly at the time. I was a tyrant after all, and in my misspent life I didn't appreciate the weight of that moment, but now I gladly accept enacting the foundation of Western Constitutional Liberty.

Of course, thanks to Lord What's-his-name, I will now probably only be remembered for being pestered by Robin Hood. WHO WAS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!

At least he was in my time.

But anyhoo, Vox Poplar let me use his digital Ouija board to talk to your about how a pompous politically correct windbag like Lord Autumnbottom could just piss away centuries of British liberty to curry favour with the Sharia law set.

Now Lord Boneybrains shook the dust of his wig long enough to declare that it would be just jiminy dandy for contracts to be enacted under laws other than those of the United Kingdom.

That's what you call the first step on the slippery slope.

First it's contracts.

Then it's marriages, divorces, and custody law.

Then the next thing you know a man is being let off for murdering his daughter because his Imam said it was okay, because she showed too much ankle.

Then you start seeing the "other" laws of the land, being taken down, replaced by these "new" laws.

That's because one land can only have one set of laws.

And if you don't like the law of any given land, leave it, and find one that has the laws you like.

You cannot create a separate system of laws based on race, religion, or whatever you like. Because that can lead to only one thing: TYRANNY.

I know how this sort of thing works. I was a tyrant after all, and I took advantage of every slope I could slip on. And that's why the barons revolted and forced me to sign that damned piece of paper.

Of course now that paper's not worthy for wiping your arse. All because some bewigged buffoon figured he could cut down on the death threats if he played the appeaser.

Makes even a nutless wonder like me look positively brilliant.

I gotta go and cool down.

MoxArgon's Movie Moment.

Greetings puny Earthlings. Here's an interesting video from the good folks at PowerLine.




Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

That's Offensive!

Greetings puny Earthlings, Remulak MoxArgon, your future Supreme Lord & Master here with an important REALITY CHECK.

I must warn you that the following image has deemed offensive by Britain's Muslim community.


It is shocking.

So you've been warned.





Last warning.





It's very, very, offensive.

























The horror.

The horror.

The sheer unadulterated cute, cuddly horror of it all.

And I wonder how many threats of death are made, and how many are going to be carried out over this picture.

Now wonder why folks consider Islamophobia irrational?

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.