Douchebags of the Week!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's time once again to take a look at the wide cornucopia of douchebags that populate your planet. So here we go...

THE MUMBAI MURDERERS: I haven't really been able to write about this incident because it disgusted me so much. Any god that wants nothing but death and destruction can only be a false god, and its followers not only scum, but stupid scum at that. Enjoy hell you douchebags.

THE MEDIA: What the hell is wrong with the media? The Mumbai terrorists toss a name at them (The Decca Mujahadeen) and they're running around like decapitated poultry asking stupid questions like:

1. Did Bin Laden order it?

2. Were they targetting Americans?

3. Who are the Decca Mujahadeen?

Well let me answer those questions:

1. He didn't have to. Radical Islamism is an ideology that desires blood, blood, and more blood. That means all that needs to be done is to open a radicalized mosque.

2. They targetted everybody, Americans were just an extra.

3. They're just a name to make them look like local Muslim nationalists, rather than the most likely scenario of local recruits, and Pakistani intelligence agents.

Use your frikkin' brains for a change.

BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPERS: Yes, Black Friday has some amazing deals, but it doesn't justify trampling a Wal-Mart employee to death, or shootouts in toy stores! For the love of Xenu, you live in America, if they sell out of Xbox 360s, and Fondle Me Elmos, then just got to another store, or wait a day, and more will arrive. This is a time for giving, not frantic hysteria. So calm the frik down!

HOLIDAY HUMBUGGERS: Every American Thanksgiving sparks a new round of obnoxious, idiotic yahoos trying to ruin the fun for everyone. The big trend this year: Condemning children who dress up as Pilgrims or Indians on Thanksgiving as racists. How does dressing up to commemorate the one time both sides got along peacefully racist? Will you please frikkin' answer the frikkin' question? And soon will come another round of TV networks wishing everyone a Happy anything but Xmas, for fear the undead corpse of Madeline Murray-O'Hare will claw its way out of her musty grave and start crowing shrilly. I have nothing against wishing anyone a Happy Eid, Chanukah, Diwali,Vaisakhi, Tet, or even a frikkin' Saturnalia, because I think people should be wished happiness on their religious holidays. However, I get blue with fury when people single out Xmas simply because it is a Christian holiday. Well, boo-frikkin-hoo, and a Merry Xmas to you, you prejudiced zontark.

THE CARLETON UNIVERSITY STUDENT ASSOCIATION: You know why you're on this list.

So, if you found yourself on this list, then...
Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

PS: Gotta question, then CLICK HERE before Dec. 5th and the greatest minds in the Universe will answer it.

The Leftist Mind: It's Okay To Be Racist...

Greetings puny Earthlings, it's time to dip our collective toe into the snake-pit of the Leftist Mind.

The left is a gift that just keeps on giving.

Recently Carleton University in Ottawa Canada decided to piss away whatever credibility it had left when the powers that be there decided to stop raising funds to find a cure for Cystic Fibrosis.

Why did they stop?

Did someone find a cure?

Nope, the reason they stopped the fundraising drive was because someone told the Carleton University Student Association (CUSA) that cystic fibrosis only attacked white males.

That's right folks, if you're of the wrong skin tone and gender, Carleton University won't give you the steam off their piss. They actually want you to die a slow, and agonizing death at the hands of a terrible, incurable disease.

That's the moral stance of the left, all are created equal, but those who can claim ancestral victimhood are more equal than others, anyone else can just go off and die.

That's the equivalent of refusing to donate money for uterine cancer research because it only affect women, or wanting people to stop looking for a cure for AIDS because it mostly affects gay men, drug addicts, and the third world poor.

It's a malignant, racist, sexist, attitude no matter who holds it, and it illustrates the ultimate hypocrisy of political correctness. In political correctness there is no equality, just boons dispensed by snobby elitists like cakes being tossed from Marie Antoinette's golden carriage.

The Carleton University's Student Association is officially the scum of the galaxy, I'd suggest reporting them to the Human Rights Commission, but since that group's as racist, sexist, and demented as CUSA, they'd probably get along just fine.

Now I don't want anyone threatening or otherwise harassing the members of CUSA, or doing anything else that will allow them some spurious claim of martyrdom. In fact, I am insisting that they be left alone.

Completely alone.

Don't donate money to Carleton.

Don't send your children to Carleton.

Don't hire CUSA members for jobs.

And when CUSA members become ill with anything for any reason, they should be denied medical care and told that it is being done for the same spurious and disgusting reasons they used to deny helping people with cystic fibrosis.

I figure it'll go something like this:

CUSA MEMBER: Doc, I don't feel too good, I think I overdosed on patchouli.

DOCTOR: Sorry, I can't help you. You're a white male with those dreadlocks that look really silly on blond white folks. So get out of my hospital before I have you thrown out.

CUSA MEMBER: Damn! Why did I let myself punish people with a deadly disease for racist reasons!

DOCTOR: Quit with the melodramatic regret and get into that alley where the homeless people will piss on you.

It's the only way they'll learn.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

_______________________________

And to you folks who have a question only the best brains in the universe can answer, then click here and leave it. We've extended the period to submit questions to December 5th.

Gay is the New Black...

A

SPECIAL
GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY
BRUCE LANCELOT
SPOKESPERSON FOR
G.L.A.A.M.D.
(Gays & Lesbians Angry About Marriage Definitions)

I would like to thank the MoxArgon Group for giving me this platform for me to tell you just how horrible it is in America for those of us in the Gay, Lesbian, Transgender Community, and I guess I should open with a story.

I was antiquing with my partner Julian at a simply divine little flea market in the Napa Valley when we ran into my old friend Gary and his partner Gunther, he's from Germany. Well, he had a sad story to tell. Apparently he and Gunther wanted to get married, but the recent success of Proposition 8 in California prevented them from doing it. Apparently the crypto-fascist Prop-8 amended the state constitution to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

I couldn't believe it!

Now poor Gary and Gunther have to settle for having all the rights and privileges of being married under common law, but they can't call themselves married.

How horrible, it's like being forced to drink Merlot with your Chilean Sea Bass!

Now we know how the African Americans feel. Our inability to use the word marriage, and how we never had a chance to use multiple lawsuits to force churches to perform ceremonies they don't want, shows that we know oppression. Sure, very few actual gays want to redefine marriage, but they don't know what's best for them, and that's why we don't let their opinions get out.

But I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about how gay people are the new black people.

Look at how we're being oppressed! Threatening letters, laced with scary white powders, nasty epithets being hurled on the street, people being thrown out of their jobs and being blacklisted for their political beliefs, businesses being boycotted, and people storming into buildings disrupting peaceful gatherings---

Oh wait, that's what we're doing to the Mormons, not what they're doing to us...

But I digress.

Now there are some fascist haters out there who are daring to criticizing us for attacking the Mormons while it was African American voters who put Prop 8 over the top. Well, there is a very logical explanation for that.

Mormons probably won't fight back, at least not with violence.

Damn, I'm still digressing.

Anyway, back to being black.

As we sit at our table at The Ivy, we know that we are facing oppression every bit as bad, if not worse, than what the blacks in America faced. Sure, we're richer than just about every other demographic, the laws against us have all been repealed or discarded, if we're victimized by criminals, they're punished, and we've never lost our right to vote, or been whipped, nor have we ever been enslaved...

Anyway, if you don't blindly support redefining marriage and all that it stands for, you are worse than Hitler.

Even if you're also gay.

Oh well...

At least we can still harrass dating sites.

_________________________

IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE MOXARGON GROUP, THEN CLICK HERE AND LEAVE IT IN THE COMMENTS.

GOTTA QUESTION?

Greetings puny Earthlings, we haven't done this in a while, so it's time for another edition of ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP.

So if you have a question about politics, life, the universe, and everything that only the greatest minds ever known can answer, then drop one in the PLEAS section, and we'll answer them December 5th.

And remember to keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

A Message To The Obamas...

Greetings puny Earthlings, and particular greetings to President-Elect Barack Obama, who is currently in the market to get his kids a dog for their move to the White House.

Well, while the dog is a fine animal, it is a tad banal and predictable, so, in the spirit of bi-partisanship, I am offering suggestions for alternative pets. Hell, I'll even ship them one if they see one they like as a housewarming present.

First up...

THE RILL OF GAFFRAFLEX VIII

I had one of these growing up on Flokia Prime, mine was named "Fang," and I must say they are a wonderful companion. Easily house-trained, hypoallergenic, great with kids, and they will eat the flesh of your enemies. They do get a little big, about six of your metres tall, but they're still great pets.

Maybe your kids like fish, well why not go big, you are the Prez after all and get yourself a...

SWAMAXANAR OF ULARIA-MARINUS

Not as cuddly as a Rill, but still a wonderful pet. Low maintenance, will eat anything you toss in the tank. They do spit venom, so it's wise to where a face guard if you have seafood allergies, and when they die, at two metres in height, it's unwise to try to flush them down the toilet.

But if you want something a bit more dramatic and practical, then I can also suggest the...

JAGOFARTAGAN OF NEMERIA PRIME

One of the most popular pit monsters in the Known Universe. Just put one beneath a trap-door in the Oval Office, and when someone ticks you off, it's feeding time. They go into a sleeping dormant state when not being fed, and their waste-excretions are actually life extending for carbon or chlorine based life forms who regularly bath in it. The start off cute and small, but they do get big.

Now Mr. Obama, if you want to get any of these pets, then have them warm up the hyperwave transmitter at Area 51, and gimme a call.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

A Few Thoughts I'm Sending To Your Brains...

Greetings puny Earthlings, time for just a few random thoughts I'd like to telepathically send your way.

1. To Radical Gay Activists... your recent behaviour of threatening, physical bullying, and insane rage over the passing of "traditional marriage" amendments shows that you do not understand either the issue at hand, or your own status in society.

Gay is not the new black, you're richer, much richer, than blacks have traditionally been in US history, you are not being denied the right to vote, you are not being denied any of the "partner benefits" given married people and folks under common-law relationships, cops are not sending attack dogs on you, and there's even "hate crime" legislation to help protect you, which I personally think is silly, because has anyone heard of a "love crime." All that happened was that you were outvoted in an attempt to rewrite centuries of civilizational tradition to appease the extreme radical fringe and its desire to "put one over" mainstream religious communities.

I think the main reason we never hear any hard statistics on just how many gays really support such measures is because the silent majority either doesn't want it, or doesn't care.

You're not making any friends with this childish behaviour, remember, marriage is supposed to be for adults, not children having temper tantrums.

2. To Hollywood... In a sort of related story, I hear that you're going to be releasing a bio-pic about the late San Francisco city supervisor and gay rights activist Harvey Milk, and I'm not talking about the mis-casting of Sean Penn, from what I've seen of Milk's life he could be witty and charming, which Penn is definitely not.

Instead I'm wondering if the film will mention one of Milk's most prominent political allies: The Reverend Jim Jones, who ordered the mass suicide/homicide of over 900 of his followers in Guyana on November 18, 1978, ironically, just days before Milk's own murder. Jones was the go-to for liberal, leftist, and Democratic Party causes, providing fundraising, crowds for rallies, and an army of willing volunteers to work for candidates like Milk, and then Mayor and fellow murder victim George Moscone, who then used their influence to keep police and the media from investigating his People's Temple Cult.

I'm just asking, will it be mentioned?

3. To the Trading Nations of the World... Somali pirates are attacking shipping left and right. Kidnapping crews, and holding them and their ships for millions in ransom money. Now, I have to say that my predecessor tried to appease the star pirates of the Novidian Cluster, and all that did was make them bolder, and pirates in other regions more aggressive.

There is only one solution: Decimation.

For every ship seized, Somalia will lose one village, town, or city, based on the number of hostages held, and the value of the seized cargo. Trust me, once the locals realize that all the pirates can bring them is are heavy plasma bombings, they won't be so keen to supply and support them anymore.

Trust me, the Novidian Cluster's a lot safer now.

4. To The Detroit Auto Industry... There's a simple fact of life, creatures that can't compete either evolve or die. A bailout will just be the state sanctioning the inefficient manufacture of cars that people don't want because they lack quality, economy, and endurance. I think Chapter 11 is a good idea for all involved, it will allow them to get out from under those abysmal contracts with the UAW, where they pay thousands of workers full salary, to not work, because they can't fire them, and for overpriced benefit and retirement plans that could have been cheaper if they had been handled more efficiently.

Sometimes it's merciful to just let them die, allow people to get their lives and businesses started over, and move on.

5. To Al Franken... If you somehow win the recount against Norm Coleman it will only be through fraud. Which means that you're more than just a squandered comedian, failed talk-radio host, and questionable money manager, you're are criminal scum. Ballots found in places like a car only cheapen you, and demean democracy.

6. To President Elect Barack Obama... Change you can believe in, by bringing in a cabinet of either hyper-partisan Clinton cronies, Chicago machine hacks, ACORN type activists, and slum profiteers. Congratulations, you've already started disappointing your voters, a new record.

Keep watching the stars, because we're watching you.

Culture Corner: Obama's Victory Song!

Barack Obama has composed a song to celebrate his election, well, he didn't compose it exactly, he just rewrote the song "C'est moi" from Camelot. Enjoy his humility....

Obamalot! Obamalot!
With policies from France I heard your call.
Obamalot! Obamalot!
And here am I to tax you all.
I know that you expect miracles from me,
And all that and more I shall be.

A President should be convincible,
Believing dictators & their tales.
Convince thugs to not do crime,
Cleave the defence budget in record time,
Fill a moat with tons of my heavy fan mail.
Avoiding all pain, he ought to be unwinceable,
Impossible deeds should be his daily fare.
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so *extraordinaire*?

C'est moi! C'est moi, I'm forced to admit.
'Tis I, I humbly reply.
That mortal who
These marvels can do,
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I.
I've never lost
In battle or campaign;
I'm simply the best by far.
When words are crossed
'Tis always the same:
One smile and au revoir!
C'est moi! C'est moi! So adm'rably fit!
An Urban Prometheus unbound.
And here I stand, with my history untold,
Looking charming, amazingly bold,
To beat McCain in the first round!

The soul of a prez should be a thing remarkable,
Containing hope, change, and lobbyists too.
With no will or any self-restraint
To make Bill Clinton look like a saint
He could easily work a miracle or two.
To greed and avarice he ought to be unsparkable,
The ways of the Rezko should offer no allure.
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so untouched and pure?
(C'est moi!)

C'est moi! C'est moi, I blush to disclose.
I'm far too noble to lie.
That man in whom
These qualities bloom,
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I.
I've never stayed
With what I claim to believe;
I'm blessed with a rubbery will.
Had I been made
The partner of Eve,
We'd be in Eden still.
C'est moi! C'est moi! The voters have chose
To send the economy low,
And here I stand, as pure as a pray'r,
Surprisingly clean, with no virtue to spare,
The godliest man you know!
C'est moi!

News of the Earth!

Greeting puny Earthlings, we haven't done this in a while, so here's a new edition of NEWS OF THE EARTH!

1. Earthling scientists (or as we call them: witch doctors) are baffled by this sight on the planet Saturn...
What a pack of primitives, acting like they've never seen an hyperspace starship portal under construction before. I laugh at your ignorance!

2. Everyone's getting a bailout in the USA! Which is a joke in itself.

3. It looks like bloggers at MSNBC were duped into believing a hoax intended to make Sara Palin look stupid. Gee, how could that happen to a the same bastion of journalistic probity that employs Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, and Rachel Maddow.

4. The pregnant "man" who gave birth a while back, is reportedly pregnant again. Gee, acting sexually irresponsibly, that person might just be a man after all.

That's all for now, and until next time, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

An Alternative Dimension of Gay Marriage

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Prop 8 passed in California, throwing Hollywood stars into a tizzy as they all race to one-up each other in the Gay-Friendliest Celeb contest. Even Nancy Pelosi got into the act, declaring that the voters of California were too "stupid" to understand the issue. Radical gay rights activists are now protesting on the streets, and some are demanding that the churches who supported Prop 8 be either taxed into oblivion, or burnt down.

Now here's a question I think all those protesters should ask themselves.

Would they support Gay Marriage if the churches demanded that they get married?

I think the answer is of course not.

You see, I used some of my advanced alien technology to visit Alternate Earth- 376B. It's pretty much the same as your Earth, except there the Churches actually promote gay marriage, inspired by Pope Pius XIII's "Time To Settle Down" campaign. There the various denominations put up billboards outside almost every major gay bar with a priest, a minister, and a rabbi looking down and saying: "It's time to settle down and get married!"

And guess what happened.

Radical gay rights activists of Alternate Earth- 376B tried to pass a ban on gay marriage, claiming that it was an attempt to "oppress their identity" by the churches. When their Prop 12 failed to pass, despite support by Governor Steven Seagal, they started ranting and raving demanding that churches be taxed, or even burned down.

Some folks only want something when someone else says they can't have it.

As for myself, I don't mind homosexuals having same-sex unions, because under the western common law tradition they have all the same rights as a married couple, except they can't legally call it a marriage. That's because the common law tradition defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman for the purpose of procreation, so that the children will be considered legitimate under the law and not be disinherited or otherwise bastardized.

The churches supported Prop 8 not out H8 as those cute little signs the celebs are carrying around say, but because they have beliefs about marriage, homosexuality, and the combination of the two, and they didn't want the state start bullying them into performing ceremonies they consider illegitimate. That was going to happen, I saw it when I stopped in at Earth- 432X, and the ACLU got then President John Kerry to sign the 28th Amendment, overriding the 1st Amendment and forcing churches to perform same-sex marriages.

And the ironic thing was, most of the homosexuals on Earth- 432X didn't even want gay marriage, but they were shouted down by the louder, more militant fringe.

The outrage over the amendment didn't really last all that long, because a week later Kerry signed a formal declaration of surrender to Al Qaida after the "Nuke York Incident," and the churches didn't have to perform any same-sex marriages. Or straight marriages, or baptisms, or bar mitzvahs, or any actual non-Islamic services at all. The gay activists didn't complain, mostly because they couldn't after the swearing in of President Zawahiri, but at least the Iraq War was over.

Things went a lot smoother over on Earth- 212C. There the gay community realized that trying to change the traditional definition of marriage only served to turn people against them while achieving something a lot of them didn't even want or really need thanks to the common law tradition. They started their own gay-friendly churches and even hold "Blessing" ceremonies for the unions, and avoided any future controversies, speeding their acceptance into mainstream society. And America's first openly gay president, decorated former Army Colonel, Republican Candidate Barry Dunham is elected in 2012 after a successful term as Governor of Kansas.

So you see, there are always alternatives.

Sometimes they're in alternate dimensions.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Point/Counterpoint- Post Election Post Mortem

TEKTAK- Hello Earthlings, and welcome to another edition of Point-Counterpoint. I'm Tektak F. Mechanoid from the right.

SNOTGLOB- And from the left I'm Snotglob T. Mutant.

TEKTAK- Our first topic is the recent election of Barack Obama, the first African-American President of the United States.

SNOTGLOB- All hail the Glorious Obama! Bringer of Light! Lowerer of Oceans! Who bring a Golden Age of Peace & Love, where all diseases will be cured, and all poverty ended!

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! You can't go around worshipping a politician!

SNOTGLOB- What's wrong with worshipping the very ground that is blessed by the presence of his esteemed greatness?

TEKTAK- Because you're putting too much into someone who is essentially an ordinary mortal Earthling. He has no supernatural powers, and charm can only take you so far, no matter what he does, he can only disappoint his followers.

SNOTGLOB- BLASPHEMER! You have slandered the sacred and holy name of the Great Obama!

TEKTAK- You see my point. Not even MoxArgon, who has a robust ego of his own, doesn't allow worship on the level of Barack Obama, and MoxArgon can make someone's skin fall off with just the power of his mind. Obama can't even hire a chief of staff who isn't up to his neck in the Clinton administration and the Fannie Mae debacle. MoxArgon is right, too many people own too many pieces of his ass, and he can't please all of the people all of the time and still be a leader.

SNOTGLOB- HERESY! You speak heresy!

TEKTAK- Now the media will let him ride, come on Chris Matthews announced that it was his job as a journalist to help Obama succeed. This is the same man who saw it as his job to help America fail AT A WAR because he didn't like the political party of the president.

SNOTGLOB- What's wrong with that?

TEKTAK- Journalism on Earth is dead.

SNOTGLOB- Europeans like Obama a lot.

TEKTAK- The Europeans like him because he's far away in America and while they love to condemn America as racist, they know that they would never vote for anyone who isn't pure lily-white. They still have de-facto segregation on a scale that would make Bull Connor blush. Let's call it a day, say goodbye Snotglob.

SNOTGLOB- Goodbye Snotglob.

TEKTAK- Goodbye.

A Historic Moment

An
Editorial
by
Remulak
MoxArgon
(Ruler of the Known Universe)

Greetings puny Earthlings.

America has elected its first black President in Barack Obama. Ironically a man who happens to be the one person who doesn't see the exceptional nature of America as a country that would allow a black man to become leader of a majority white nation. It certainly would not happen in Europe the land on whose opinions he relies so much, I mean they like to fly Nazi flags at soccer games.

I'd like to congratulate Mr. Obama on his historic victory, but I'd also like to tell him that he should be careful what he wishes for, because he's got it, and it's not going to be as sweet as he thinks.

Think about it.

He's spent his entire life campaigning for positions, then the moment when he gets that position he immediately starts campaigning for the next rung on the ladder.

Well, he's got no farther up to go, and he's only 47 human years old. He can't go up unless he tries to conquer your wretched planet, which I don't think he has the stones for, and any attempt to go beyond your puny star system would hit a wall.

And by wall I mean android war fleet, because the spot for Ruler of the Known Universe is taken, and you need bigger teeth before you can challenge the big dog.

He's also based his career on charm, liberal guilt, and shady dealings by a radicalized base that's willing to do anything for power, no matter how crooked, and he's been able to coast from job to job, getting a little bit higher everytime without actually accomplishing anything.

Well, the party's not going to last long.

Sure the media will always love him, the Hamptons-Hollywood set must atone for belonging to the party of slavery after all. They'll cover up for his scandals and blunders, trust me, there will be many, and they'll sit back silently while he tries to use the courts, the IRS, and the FCC to suppress any and all critics. He will try to do it, he's already attempted it over campaign ads he didn't like.

But he'll be walking a very narrow tight-rope to please the radicals, billionaire oligarchs, political machine hacks, union kingpins, and media flacks who all claim ownership of his ass. If he doesn't dance to all of their tunes, they will turn on him. They bought the White House for him, and they're going to expect delivery on what they paid for.

Failure on his part to please any of his backers has the potential to destroy him. They have a lot of dirt on him, and they're not above blading him, and each other, to make their point.

He already has Hillary plotting behind the scenes to destroy him. Don't doubt that for a minute, and when the time is right, and when the bloom is off his rose, she, or her proxies, will strike.

I could resent Obama for his beliefs, which now puts the USA to the political left of France, and his overweening narcissism, but I'm actually starting to feel sorry for him. He doesn't have to fear the political right, it has too much rebuilding to do, and too much fat to trim off their ranks to even stand up to him let alone stop him. But all of Obama's allies are ready, willing, and able to destroy him. Because when his charms fail to deliver the country to his masters, the backlash will do everything it can to make sure America's first black president will be the last black president for a hundred years.

Good luck Mr. Obama, you're going to need it, especially with friends like yours.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

A Look Into the Future!: The Possible Outcomes

Greetings puny Earthlings, sorry for the light posting lately, but we've all been gorging ourselves on Halloween Candy and we've all been getting a little too sick and tired of the Obama Canonization / Coronation the media's been doing lately. Especially in the polls where the definition of "Likely Voter" has been "expanded" to account for Obama's status as a "lightworker" to make his rule look inevitable and hopefully suppress Republican voters.

Well, I had some of our best and brightest minds make the necessary calculations to see all possible outcomes for this election:

OBAMA WINS: Thanks to ACORN registered voters like "Jive Turkey" and "S. Uperman" Obama wins a decisive victory. Conservative pundits and bloggers will want to use such phrases as "voter fraud" and "buying the election" but can't since newly appointed Speech Commissar Keith Olbermann won't let them have computers at his new "Countdown Camps." About six months into his reign President Obama disbands the US military to create a new civilian force informally called "Blueshirts" designed to protect Americans from such threats as talk-radio, blogs, and newspapers that didn't endorse him. That's when my hordes come in to invade, why, because I'm lazy, and I don't like to work too hard.

MCCAIN WINS: The large number of undecideds break for McCain-Palin, thuse giving them the election. Blacks will riot, and the media intellectualoids will scream that McCain and a mysterious "vast right-wing conspiracy" stole the election. Their evidence: a gag on the Simpsons' Halloween episode where Homer can't vote for Obama. Despite the lack of anything like an organisation like ACORN to orchestrate such a fraud, it becomes the predominant media myth. Because if you lie loud enough and often enough, the media will treat it as truth.

Enjoy the carnage and chaos, because the Democrats have spent hundreds of millions to create it and keep it going, and they're not going to let something like democracy stop them.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

McCain on SNL

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE UNLESS OBAMA WINS!!!!

A
SPECIAL
GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY
ERICA JONG

(I think she once wrote a book or something)

I am personally begging all you racist inbred god-bothering hicks in Flyover country to stop molesting your sisters, lynching innocent black men on your streets, and drinking the blood of Iraqi children and do the one decent thing you will ever do in your life.

I'm talking about voting for Barack Obama.

If Barack Obama does not become the next president of this pestilent shit hole of a country there will be a civil war of unspeakable brutality. The streets will be flooded with blood, cities will burn, and civilization will collapse as gangs of Rethuglikkkan Brownshirts run riot across this fascist state, feasting on the flesh of their social betters.

Don't believe me!

Look around you!

Look at all the journalists that have been locked up by the BushHitler Reich!

Okay, I can only remember one name, Judith Miller, and she was locked up by a Clinton appointed US Attorney looking to convict a Bush administration official for not remembering the date of a conversation at a cocktail party, but I'm sure there are others!

Just look at Keith Olbermann's ratings!

He'd be the number one news-talk pundit guy in the world if the BushHitler Reich hadn't rounded up the millions of intelligent Americans who would watch him and had them gassed in secret death camps hidden all across these United States of Amerikkka.

You must vote for Obama!

The fate of the world hangs on it!

Only Obama has the wisdom to regulate how people talk, think, and what they can watch or listen to.

Only Obama can bring about world peace by finally crippling this war-mongering fascist state of Amerikkka, and allow people who truly believe in democracy and human rights, like Iran, Venezuela, Syria, and North Korea decide our foreign policy. They truly know better.

Don't be confused into voting for McCain by Obama's friendship with ex-Weather Underground terrorists, PLO toadies, radical Kenyan wannabe dictators, racist preachers, shady machine politicians, and crooked slum lords. They hate Rethuglikkkans, so that makes them okay.

And don't let the fact that he wouldn't give the steam off his piss to his aunt in Boston, who is both poor, and facing deportation. She can illegally donate to his campaign, that's all right, but he's too busy saving the world raising $1 million for a wannabe Kenyan dictator named Odinga, than to save his own aunt.

Obama will prevent the bloody civil war, by disarming the nation's military, police, and civilian population. Having all their guns and bombs put under the control of true men and women of peace, like Bill Ayers.

The world wants Obama to be our president.

Why do you think he's fighting to keep his donations secret, that's because he's getting millions from the enlightened and progressive people of the world to lead this nation into the light of truth, justice, and redistribution of the middle class into the poor class.

That's why we must crush these so-called "average people" like Sarah Palin, and Joe the Plumber. They dare to challenge the chosen one by asking questions!

WHEN YOU HAVE PERFECTION, THERE IS NO NEED TO ASK QUESTIONS!

So vote for Obama. He may not have achieved anything concrete in his entire life outside of two books about himself, but at least he didn't get himself all crippled up "serving his country" in the name of fascism like that drooling baby-beater John McCain.