An Android Among the Stars #18: Money Makes the Entertainment World Go Round...

Greeting wretched organic meat bags of the planet Earth.

I thought I could get out of doing this unpleasant job by putting off doing another post, but Remulak convinced me otherwise.

It is amazing how logical an argument can become when there is a particle blaster aimed at your head.


1. Actor Wesley Snipes' income tax evasion trial has gone to the jury. Snipes' defence is that he doesn't have to pay taxes since he considers himself a "non-resident alien." I must disagree with this, since Orlando, Florida, is not another planet.

2. Speaking of resident aliens Nancy Cartwright, the voice of TVs Bart Simpson gave $10 million to the Church of Scientology, doubling the amount given by couch-hopper Tom Cruise. Remulak is not pleased since the money will probably be spent bad-mouthing his old friend and mentor Xenu.

3. Britney Spears is still nuts. So we will not talk about her anymore.

4. The Oscar nominees were announced. No one cares.

That is all for now.

End Communication.

Xran Xplains- The Worst Person In The World

Hi Earthlings.

Your old pal Xran here once again to simplify things that have been complicated by the simple.

Today I'm stepping in for Remulak MoxArgon who found his missing pet Squinker, but is in his choking on his own rage stage to write this, so I will.

You see, Keith Olbermann named one of Remulak's favourite pundits Mary Katherine Ham "The Worst Person in the World." Apparently being a conservative who doesn't think the sun, moon, and stars shine out the back passage of Hillary Clinton is worse than being a mass murderer.

Now you're probably wondering why Keith Olbermann would do that, so I'm going to explain it to you.

This is...KEITH OLBERMANN

He hates...
Conservative Editor and Pundit
Mary Katherine Ham

So much so he calls her...

THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!

Why?

Because..Keith Olbermann

isBRAIN DEAD

But his idiocy does give us a good excuse to post a picture ofMARY KATHERINE HAM

I hope that clears up everything for you.

Anti-British Activity Double-Plus Ungood

A
VIEW FROM
THE AFTERLIFE
COMMENTARY
BY
GEORGE ORWELL
(Author of 1984, Animal Farm)

Hello.

I would like to thank Vox Poplar and his digital Ouija board for making this commentary possible.

I must say that I am more than a little nonplussed, nay chagrined, by the recent decision of the British Government, specifically the Labour Party, to rename terrorist acts committed by Muslims as "Anti-Muslim Activity" in a vain attempt to win over Britain's increasingly radicalized Islamic community.

Only one simple English word comes to mind to describe this decision:

BOLLOCKS

Just what is stewing around in the mind of Prime Minister Gordon Brown to think that such mutilation of the language is somehow justified?

That's like saying the Holocaust which saw the wholesale butchery of European Jewry as "Anti-Nazi Activity."

I know there are some who would be offended by such a comparison, but if you are, then you are part of the problem.

The English language is the main language of the world these days not just because of the influence of the old British Empire and American culture, but because it is a living, thriving thing.

And any attempt by the state to twist it to their own ends is a sign of great trouble to come, and when those ends is to appease an aggressive and imperialist enemy, that trouble is even worse.

Gordon Brown is of the school of Socialist thought that divides the world into two camps: The Western Capitalists, and Their Victims.

This mindset means that one side (Western Democracies) are always wrong, and that any movement by their supposed victims must somehow be saintly and right. Which is why so-called 'peace movements' only protest against Western Democracies, and never against fascist, communist, and Islamist aggressors.

Now while Western Democracies have had their problems, and caused others throughout history, believing that they are the only source of evil in the world violates the one true rule of humanity.

Everybody has bastards.

Just because some western empire mistreated their ancestors in days of yore doesn't give anyone permission to blow up tube trains and buses or to crash aeroplanes into office blocks.

Such Newspeak is an attempt on the part of the Labour Government to rewrite history itself in order to please the very same people they should be fighting. It re-writes the aggressor into the victim, and victims into criminals. Of course the people who demand such changes to the language want everyone to remember the horrors of the Crusades, and ignore that it was violent, aggressive, and imperialist Jihad that provoked them in the first place.

Such moral cowardice as shown by the Brown government is inexcusable, and is the first ring in the death knell of Britain itself.

Everything from ice cream adverts, to children's books, to television news reports are being censored to appease extreme radicals who prance around posing as moderates, all the while subtly threatening violence if "outraged" or "offended."

Like all appeasement, it strengthens the fascists, and weakens the true moderates who become even more scared to stand up because they can see their own government kissing the arse of fascism.

I call it fascism because anyone who takes offence to free discussion, demands the suppression of such "offencive" freedom, and uses the threat, direct of implied, of violence to enforce that suppression is a fascist.

You don't appease fascism, whether its form is secular or religious, you fight it and you beat it. Anything else is suicide.

England's more than dreaming, like that old Tory Churchill said, it's bleeding to death, and it doesn't even know it.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK (Jan. 25/2008)

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Time once again for DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK!


1. FRED PHELPS: The cadaverous walking tumour and leader of the pseudo-Christian / anti-American Westboro Baptist Church has announced plans to expand from protesting at the funerals of fallen American heroes to the harassment of the families of dead Australian actors. Mr. Phelps (I refused to call you 'Reverend') you were born a douchebag, you live as a douchebag, and you will most likely, barring a miracle, die a douchebag, and spend eternity as a douchebag for a various and sundry Succubi in the harem of Hell's Grim Tyrant.

2. ELIZABETH MAY: Leader of Canada's federal Green Party decided that shilling for Al Gore with her usual enviro-socialist claptrap and decided to shill for Al-Qaeda by calling Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan "Christian Crusaders." Nice to see that freedom, democracy, and human rights are not Green Party values.

3. FEMINIST LEADERS: As much as I support the rights of women, Western Feminists are really sticking in my craw. They spend all their time spinning tales of mythical "Christianist" conspiracies to enslave them by overturning Roe v. Wade, than doing a damn thing about women being murdered, mutilated, molested, and married against their will, in the Islamic world. And when they do acknowledge the problem, it's to complain about "evil racists" for pointing out their hypocrisy.

4. THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA: For presenting rehashed political talking points by the minions of billionaire Oligarch George Soros as "real news" simply because it promotes the Democratic Party. And let's not forget their 'recession' chatter which is doing more to actually cause a recession than any actual economic developments.

So I want you folks to get this message:
And keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

NEWS OF THE EARTH #16

Hi folks, Xran here, filling in for Remulak who is currently on Mars looking for his pet Squinker. The little scamp is always getting into trouble, and Squinker does it too.

Anyway, let's get this ball rolling.



DATELINE- SOUTH CAROLINA- Former Senator/ Actor/Lawyer and current GOP candidate Fred Thompson is now a former candidate because he's dropped out of the race. This leave IMAO with a big hole in their material.

DATELINE- FLORIDA- Former Arkansas clemency dispenser Mike Huckabee is suffering a cash crunch that's effecting his ability to run in Florida. You know what that means, there'll be a handout from a Soros cut-out group coming.

DATELINE- NEW YORK- After reports of the untimely death of actor Heath Ledger come reports that the walking tumour known as Rev. Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church will be protesting at his funeral. Methinks Phelps doth protesteth too mucheth. For some reason I'm getting visions of Phelps & Co. getting jumped by a horde of angry Batman fanboys in full Joker outfits. Seem rather fitting...

DATELINE- WASHINGTON- Once again the blogosphere are all over a media screw-up like stink on a Targellian Dewlapper. This time it's the DisAssociated Press for printing a press release by George Soros backed groups repeating the 'Bush Lied People Died' meme. The same media that doesn't see a major story in a billionaire with a shady history manipulating American politics, bias perhaps?

DATELINE- NEW YORK- There's a mystery around the discovery of guns & a small pipe-bomb factory in the apartment of a Columbia University professor. Now I don't know if I should be more worried if I were an Earthling, but this professor's speciality was studying the spread of deadly diseases. Lovely.

That's all for now, keep watching the skies...yadda, yadda, yadda....

ATTENTION PUNY EARTHLINGS!

Where was this picture taken?

And don't say Mars, I know it was Mars, I need exact coordinates!

You puny creatures have found my pet Booglenoob his name is Squinker and he's about 9 inches tall and likes cold barren planets.

He disappeared last week and I've been searching all over for him.

So if you have any information as to Squinker's whereabouts, please contact me and you may receive a reward.

Oops, My Bad...

A
SPECIAL
GUEST COMMENTARY

by

CHRIS
MATTHEWS
Host of MSNBC's Hardball

First of all, I'd like to say.... ahem.... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being a sexist male-chauvinist pig.

Not for all the times I've insulted and belittled female conservatives and Republicans. Nor for all the times I've lustily ogled comely female guests, audience members, and passersby.

I'm sorry that my sexist male chauvinism compelled me, without due cause or reason, to offer a critical opinion of Hillary Clinton.

Whether or not people believe that opinion to be true, it should not be expressed in any way shape or form, because it will offend and outrage George Soros all women.

I've come now to believe that my crime is light years worse than female genital mutilation, honour killings, and the oppression of women in Islamist societies. If it wasn't the feminists wouldn't have gone after me so hard, because we all know that they don't care for grabbing political advantages for their backers and candidates, only real justice for women.

So, like Michael Richards on bended knee before Al Sharpton, I beg you to please forgive me, and let me get back to my show.

I promise to only be insulting to Republicans.

Vote Hillary (or she'll hurt me.)

The New Douchebags of the Week

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Now you're probably wondering why you're seeing another Douchebag of the Week when the week isn't over yet.

Well, we at the MoxArgon Group had an editorial meeting* and after much discussion we decided to change the format, because there's just too much douchebaggery for just one Douchebag of the Week.

So here we go, in no particular order...

1. Canadian Human Rights Commissions. You read all about them the other day, and they're still douchebags, and not just for picking on Steyn and Levant.

2. The New York Times. For claiming that all veterans were "homicidal ticking time bombs" for being less likely then a civilian to commit murder. Their new slogan: All the news that's fit to print... if it helps al Qaida.

3. Hillary Clinton. For pandering to minorities for votes, and when those votes threaten to go to someone else, she has her minions file a lawsuit to take the vote away from them. Classy.

4. Mike Huckabee. I know, people will say I'm picking on him, but his blend of sanctimony, hypocrisy, sleaziness, and constant flip-flopping. I just hope the evangelicals can see through the bogus Christian posturing and see what he really is: Jimmy Carter.

5. Mark Deli Siljander. Former Republican congressman who has just been indicted for raising money for terrorists, and then lying about it.

So I want all you folks on the list to remember:

And remember to keep watching the skies because we're watching you.

*I basically told everyone that the format was gonna change, and put a gun to the head of anyone who disagreed. Sometimes it's good to be the king.

The Push Poll Game

Okay puny Earthlings.

We have a new game for you to try today. I call it, the Push Poll Game.

All you have to do is match the push poll question with the campaign who is asking it.

So let's get started:

REPUBLICAN PUSH POLL QUESTION:

Would you like to vote for:

a) A saintly Christian minister who is personally endorsed by Jehovah himself, who will rain hell-fire on those who don't support him.

b) A cross dressing philandering friend of homosexuals.

c) An evil billionaire who belongs to a wacky cult that probably doesn't eat babies as part of their godless rituals, but could be.

d) A crotchety old war veteran who might just be a brainwashed Manchurian Candidate programmed to hand over the country to the Red Chinese.

e) A cranky old actor whose hot wife shows that he is somehow connected to Satan.

DEMOCRATIC PUSH POLL QUESTION:

Who would you like to vote for:

a) A brilliant independent woman who can single handedly bring lower oil prices, world peace, and universal health care if only you'd help her defeat oppressive men and a vast-right wing conspiracy.

b) A naive inexperienced child who spends his free time snorting cocaine off the butt of a prostitute while reciting passages from the Koran.

c) A wussy pretty boy ambulance chaser.

Guess which campaigns composed those polls, and win a prize. A DAY PASS from the mucus mines!

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

(In)Human (No) Rights Committees

A FEW THOUGHTS

BY

REMULAK MOXARGON

Greeting's puny Earthlings.

Let me take a minute to talk about our recent "Douchebag of the Week" the so-called Human Rights Tribunals in Canada that are currently hunting columnist Mark Steyn and publisher Ezra Levant for the crime of hurting the feelings of radical Islamists.

As a non-human I think I can offer a unique perspective on these peculiar institutions and to be honest, what's wrong with them.

They were started in the late 1970s by the Trudeau administration and their original purpose was to combat discrimination in the workplace. Essentially going after sexual and racial harassment, or discriminatory hiring/firing practises by employers.

Now while their intent was supposedly noble, there were a few things wrong with them.

Basically, everything.

Let's list them:

1. There is no presumption of innocence. In fact, the mere act of filing a complaint against someone creates a presumption of guilt against the defendant.

Instead of the prosecution having to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you're racist / sexist / homophobic, it is up to the defence to prove that you are not. Try proving a negative. Now I'm the dictator of a massive intergalactic empire, and even in my most brutal show trials, I still have the presumption of innocence. It's essentially a politically correct version of the Spanish Inquisition, and no one expected the Spanish Inquisition.

2. The Commission is biased against you financially. Not only do you have the impossibility of proving a negative, you have to pay for your own defence.

Now it's free to file a complaint against someone. The government will foot the bill, but you have to defend yourself out of your own pocket. This often cripples the defendant financially even before they get slapped with a fat judgement against them.

3. The Commission is always biased against Caucasians, Christians, Conservatives, and anyone else not deemed a 'victim.' The only way a person can lose a complaint filed with a Human Rights Commission is to be a Caucasian, Christian, or politically Conservative person complaining about a violation of their rights.

100% of complaints filed by such people have been rejected, often without investigation or a hearing. The merits of these complaints are rarely, if ever discussed.

However, file a complaint, no matter how frivolous, against those same people, and you are pretty much guaranteed a win.

4. Human Rights Commissions are a legal nightmare. There are no precedents or codes for the commissioners to follow, decisions are based solely on their own whims and biases. They have no limitations on what they can do, and what cases they can 'investigate.'

Plus, there is no statute of limitations. Legally you can be harassed and condemned into penury by a commission for something you've done twenty+ years ago in an argument during 2nd Grade recess.

So basically, in order to protect the rights of people whose feelings you've hurt, all of your rights must be taken away.

5. Human Rights Commissions are not only undemocratic, they are anti-democratic. These commissions are comprised of unelected political appointees whose personal agendas and biases are never questioned by the public who they lord over.

They are anti-democratic because they possess unquestioned legal powers to censor political speech that they do not like. No free speech, no democracy.

I'm sure there are way more problems with these commissions, but I'm not a legal scholar, I'm just an alien with common sense and an android horde.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK

Presented by Special Guest Keith Olbermann

(MSNBC Pundit / Part-time Kos-Kid)

I'd like thank Vox Poplar for inviting me to present the inaugural edition of the MoxArgon Group's new feature Douchebag of the Week.

Yes, it's a blatant rip-off of my own "Worst Person In the World" where I ignore mass murdering terrorists, dictators, and the corrupt businessmen who enable them, and instead attack Republicans and conservative bloggers.

Now I have the envelope containing this week's 'Douchebag' but I'm going to take a guess at who it might be.

Could it be the Joint Chiefs of Staff for trying to manufacture another war, this time with the innocent democratic pacifists of Iran by staging another Gulf of Tonkin?

No.

Could it be Anne Coulter for not seeing the nuance and deep political insight in progressive bloggers who are revelling in the recent death of her father?

No.

Maybe it's the Bush-Hitler administration for its ongoing oppression of innocent people in the name of Christian-Fascist-Hebraic Hegemony?

No.

Is it me?

Not this time.

Phew.

Well let's see who it is.

(Opens envelope)

And the MoxArgon Group's Douchebag of the Week is....

CANADIAN HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSIONS!

Gee, I don't know why. All they're doing is trying to silence and censor columnists and journalists like Mark Steyn and Ezra Levant for daring to criticize the plans of the only true religion of peace in the world: Wahabi Islam.

Sure they're just one small part in a massive global effort to use liberal legal institutions to crush free speech and silence opposition to the establishment of a Global Caliphate under Sharia law, but we're talking about the hurt feelings of people who want to kill westerners, Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, and Jews.

And hurting their feelings makes you worse than Hitler.

Man, I thought this was going to be like my show, not be all befuddled with facts and 'actual events.'

I'm out of here.

You are all worse than Hitler!

Olbermann out!

NEWS OF THE EARTH #15: The Clemency Edition

Hi Earthlings.

Your pal TekTak here with another edition of...

NEWS OF THE EARTH!

DATELINE- NEW ORLEANS: Once again the city has revealed its true nature by presenting over 3 QUADRILLION DOLLARS worth of claims for damage done by Hurricane Katrina. That's right, one little city in a swamp known pretty much as a place to get drunk and get murdered, claims to be worth more than the rest of the planet combined. I'd make a joke, but the city's already a tragic joke.

DATELINE- LONDON: It turns out that the Lancet study that claimed over 650,000 civilian deaths in the Iraq War was co-funded by George Soros. Gee, a pro-terror/anti-American propaganda piece being funded by the same hedge fund billionaire who is the main-money-man for the Democratic Party, who'd have thunk it? Is it just me, or is anyone else wondering why everything that's anti-American seems to lead back to a single rich businessman?

And onto other business: MoxArgon has a real hate-on for Mike Huckabee, and wants you to submit 'Amazing Mike Huckabee Facts' here. And here's a video (h/t Rottweiller) to get you riled up.

And while you're surfing check out our friend Furious D's pop-culture blog. The most recent posts are about 'Anger Management' and the 'High Cost of Filmmaking.' Interesting stuff for people interested in what's really going on in Hollywood.

Huckabee-otch...

Okay, I can be as religious and right-wing as the next guy, but there's something about Mike Huckabee that sticks in my second craw.

Maybe it's the fact that he's basically a pro-life Democrat who has never met a murderer who didn't deserve clemency posing as a Republican, or that he has his sticky-fingered hand out all the time.

So in the tradition of Mike Huckabee's milking of the Chuck Norris facts for cheap publicity. I'm starting a new line of Amazing Mike Huckabee facts, and I want YOU all five of my readers to contribute Huckabee facts which I will post on this site and then use to land a book deal and leave this dump of a blog...

Was that out loud?

Anyway, post your Huckabee facts in the comments. There are only two rules:

1. Know one talks about Fight Club.

2. Facts must be funny, and not childishly insulting. If they're childishly insulting, and funny, we'll talk.

So let me get the ball rolling:

AMAZING MIKE HUCKABEE FACTS #1:

Mike Huckabee has plans for Usama Bin Ladin. He's gonna find him, and hit him with the biggest clemency the world has ever seen.

Huckabee's name is ancient Anglo-Saxon for "He who has his hand out all the time."

Mike Huckabee doesn't hate Mormons. He just wants people who hate Mormons to vote for him.

Huckabee plays the bass, sadly knowing that bass players never get a girl that looks like this...
Mike Huckabee applied to the EPA to be classified as an endangered RINO.

REAL FACT: This video is not fake.

Watch more of the story, done by Canadian comedian Rick Mercer as part of his Talking To Americans routine.

Now keep watching the skies because we're watching you, and make with the facts...

A Few Thoughts From Your Alien Overlord: The Primaries

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I'm just going to take a minute to look at some of the top candidates in your interminable Presidential Primary Process.

THE DEMOCRATS

Hillary Clinton: Won New Hampshire by crying. I was surprised, because I know that Hillary's tears contain enough acid to burn through steel. Back in the old days we used to get her to watch films of Reagan's election to get her to cry and then use the acid to clean astral gunk off our spaceships.

Barack Obama: I'm sure he's a nice guy, and he charmed the Iowa caucuses. But he's essentially an empty suit, and his campaign's just been hit with the kiss of death: The Endorsement of John Kerry.

John Edwards: I'm so pretty... I'm so pretty... Sorry, that song gets stuck in my head for some reason... Anyway, John Edwards is trying to pass himself off as the defender of the proletariat, as long as the proletariat don't live anywhere near him.

THE REPUBLICANS

Mike Huckabee: Basically Jimmy Carter without the apparent Antisemitism. He's essentially a pro-life liberal Democrat, complete with shifty past as Arkansas governor, but he seems to be proving years of Lefty paranoia right by getting the Evangelicals to vote for him simply because he says Jesus wants them too. Evangelicals, remember this: You only have his word for it!

Mitt Romney: He's experienced, likable, mostly conservative, with management skills. But I can't just support a man whose full name is 'Mitten.'

John McCain: Won New Hampshire again. A certified War Hero, but he's never met a banker he's didn't love, and he's responsible for the asinine McCain Feingold electoral bastardization bill.

Rudy Giuliani: Needs to get off his ass and do what he does best: fight like a dirty bastard.

Fred Thompson: Needs to work harder and get more attention. I suggest beating Huckabee with a baseball bat screaming "Where's your Messiah now?" like Edward G. Robinson in the 10 Commandments.

I need sleep, I'm getting cranky.

Good night and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, and here's Sarkozy's girlfriend again...

The Leftist Mind: Don't Be Hatin' Ya Tool!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Looks like possible future Empress Michelle Malkin is still getting nasty hate mail from lefty trolls.

Let's look at the latest sample.

from Joe Roppe
to writemalkin@gmail.com,
cc MalloyProducer MalloyProducer@aol.com
date Jan 9, 2008 2:28 PM
subject Crying Hillary
mailed-by gmail.com

Michelle Malkin,

I bet we could make your cry for real. Force you to eat a hamburger.

I often wonder what will happen when we progressive liberal adults take back our country.

The adults will stop wars for oil,
Everyone will have health care.
Everyone will have a roof over their heads.
Everyone will have a voice in our government.
Everyone will pay equal taxes.

The Republican Party will be a quaint memory to tell our children about.

The best part is someday you will die of anorexia or choke to death on your own purging. That’s my dream.

Thank you,
Joe Roppe
Stevens Point, WI

I could take the name calling route and call Mr. Roppe of Stevens Point Wisconsin a Targellian snot-groveller, or possibly a low-born Nemedian hogget-humper, but I've decided to be classy.

Xran is adding "for a change" but I choose to ignore him.

Instead I will use Roppe's stupidity to make you smarter. I will use him to illustrate how he is the perfect model of the Leftist Mind.

1. The Leftist Mind makes assumptions based on an extremely narrow world view:

Mr. Roppe seems to be operating on the assumption that Mrs. Malkin is suffering from some sort of eating disorder with references to anorexia, and bulimic purging.

Now you see, this is very illustrative. Joe Roppe is a classic Democrat. He thinks Hollywood and its denizens are somehow a standard of normalcy. Thus anyone who happens to be slender must have an eating disorder because all the skinny Hollywood people have eating disorders.

He doesn't clue in that Hollywood is not in any way normal, and that all being rabid lefties like him doesn't make them normal.

He also doesn't seem to know that Mrs. Malkin is a American of Filipino descent. The people of the Philippines are not exactly known for their girth. So the odds of her being naturally slender without the benefits of forced vomiting are pretty good.

Either that or Joe Roppe is a complete chod-head who mistook Mrs. Malkin for Anne Coulter, who could use a good dinner.

2. The Leftist Mind is dominated by Magical Thinking:

I often wonder what will happen when we progressive liberal adults take back our country.

Okay, I've seen a lot of so-called 'progressive liberals' and very few of them were adults.

To be an adult require maturity.

Maturity requires a certain amount of intellectual honesty. Which is the willingness to listen to the views of others and the self-control to not have a screaming hissy fit just because you disagree, and send off a nasty e-mail in the hopes that it will scare your target into obedience.

This magical thinking also forces them to make glib pronouncements about how things will somehow magically become better when 'they' take control.

And look at how things will change when Joe Roppe and his comrades 'take back' the country:

The adults will stop wars for oil,

So the countries that have it can control the world with petroleum and terrorism! Don't worry about consequences or lives lost. The glib simple solution is always the best!

Everyone will have health care.

Which will be denied if the patient is fat, a smoker, or is actually sick. While no one should be denied health care, the only way you can have 'free' universal health care is if you, like my Empire, have android medical staff.

And even then you need some sort of private sector medical research. The Soviet model just isn't efficient and the issue is too complicated for simplistic approaches.

Everyone will have a roof over their heads.

Because everyone knows how great the public housing plans of the 50s and 60s worked out. The most a government can really do is provide band-aid solutions. Real change must happen in the poor communities by taking advantage of the opportunities given them by a free society.

Everyone will have a voice in our government.

The word 'Everyone' meaning all those who can claim some sort of historical victim status and plays according to the party line, all else need not apply.

Everyone will pay equal taxes.

I guess this either means that everyone rich or poor will pay the same cash amount, or that they'll jack up the taxes for anyone above the poverty line who isn't a paid-up party member.

Because in the Leftist Mind, equal is never really equal.

Instead they compose plans to create 'equality' that are actually pointless complications that only serve to allow the rich to hide their money with the help of accountants and lawyers who grow fat from the fees.

Now my Empire has a flat 15% rate for everyone. This keeps the tax lawyers from getting rich, and it leaves people with money free to invest. Those investments create jobs, which create more wealth, my revenue goes up and the number of poor people go down.

Money belongs to the people who earn it, and they're way better at managing than any government.

The Republican Party will be a quaint memory to tell our children about.

You know what this means?

Either the enlightened reign of the Democrats will be so magical it will be puppies, unicorns and happy endings for everyone, or they're going to have all Republicans executed.

Didn't Hitler say something like that about Joos?

3. The Leftist Mind is essentially childish.

From narrow minded assumptions to magical thinking, the Leftist Mind is essentially a childish mind. You just have to look at the threats and name calling in his e-mail to see that.

4. The Leftist Mind is at heart, a hypocrite:

Take a look at another message Joe Roppe wrote to another news outlet:

Cyberbullying is a tactic some people use to anonymously attack those they disagree with using the Internet through email or on message boards. It can include threats on a person’s life, sexual remarks, pejorative labels such as hate speech all of which are intended to harm others.

Since the Internet gives people a semblance of anonymity, they can act more aggressively than they would face-to-face. You should not reply to threatening emails or negative postings on a website. Even if you do, this is not justification for an unstable person to fly into a rage and step over the line.

Some of the posts on the Stevens Point Journal message board are patently offensive and come dangerously close to crossing the fine line between expressing their freedom of speech and committing libel. I can assure you that the posts following the publication of this letter will be designed to attack me personally instead of fostering an adult discussion of the very real issue of cyberbullying. Once you read the posts, the very nature of the nasty remarks will illustrate my point.

According to the National Cyber Alert System, you can protect yourself from cyberbullies. Be careful where you post personal information; avoid escalating a situation, document offensive remarks, and report harassing or threatening posts to the proper authorities. The Stevens Point Police Department and the FBI are good places to start.

A recent article in the SPJ demonstrates how cyberbullying can be taken to the extreme. Allegedly, a local resident is reported to have stepped over the line when a webpage on MySpace was used to request someone to shoot Mayor Andrew Halverson, and the home address of Portage County Social Worker, Danita Docka was posted including requests to kill or injure her and her child. This behavior exemplifies the need to stop cyberbullying. We can do this with laws we already have on the books.

Joe Roppe
Stevens Point

A severe case of 'do as I say, not as I do' as I have ever seen.

It's a lot like a feminist who won't take a stand against Female Genital Mutilation, or a 'Peace' activist who actively roots for the violent aggressor.

So thanks for the nasty e-mail Mr. Roppe.

I hope you grow up soon.

Harassing women isn't very liberal, or progressive.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you!

NEWS OF THE EARTH #14: Grade Primary Edition

Howdy Earthlings. Your old buddy Xran here with another edition of NEWS OF THE EARTH!

DATELINE- NEW HAMPSHIRE: Hillary Clinton bounced back from her embarrassing defeat with a close win in New Hampshire. What made Hillary win wasn't her carefully rehearsed tears at a press event, but because New Hampshire's only black voter was voting for McCain.

DATELINE- PERSIAN GULF: Armed Iranian Navy speed boats were aggressive and provocative toward a squadron of American ships. Which means one thing. The Iranians mistook the Iowa primary for Obama being elected president.

DATELINE- PARIS, FRANCE: The nation is in a tizzy over their President's desire to marry Italian model Carla Bruni. Leaving many to wonder who will be his mistress?

Plus it gives me a cheap excuse for cheesecake.

Damn, I'm just awful.

Well, keep watching the skies because we're watching her...

A Few Thoughts From Your Alien Overlord

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Remulak MoxArgon, Ruler of the Known Universe, and your future conqueror here, rested a ready to take a look at this New Year of yours.

Before I do, I'd like to thank the ghost of General Napier for filling for us during our rather extended inebriation celebrations.

Well, let's get to business.


Huckabee won/Hillary lost in Iowa.

Now this does not bode well for either of them. Allow me to explain.

The Iowa Caucuses are deceptively small groups making very big decisions according to arcane rules. They are often easily swayed by the loudest and pushiest people, and these tactics don't translate well to the more transparent and democratic primaries.

This means that Huckabee won't be able to bring in the church groups to swamp the other votes.

It also means that more attention will be paid to Huckabee's past as governor of Arkansas, his penchant for treating government property as his own, and his never-ending desire for more and more money. Even the media, which has been hyping Huckabee as a sacrificial lamb for the Democrats, won't be able to ignore it.

The more you learn about Huckabee the more he looks like a huckster.

Plus, Iowa and New Hampshire are rarely the bellwethers the pundits and campaign strategists like to think they are.

As for Hillary.

Well, Iowa's small voting groups and arcane caucus rules should have made it easy for her. Transparency and open democracy is her enemy, preferring to dominate the party through dominating its purse-strings.

By losing (3rd place against 2 empty suits) what was supposed to be an easy race Hillary loses her only qualification for the nomination.

Her inevitability.

Ever since her husband left the White House and she ran for the Senate she has traded on one thing, that she was the inevitable heir to the Democratic nomination and that gave her control over what really matters to the Democrats, big donors and celebrity endorsements.

Now those donations and endorsements are going to Barack Obama, the only person less qualified than Hillary for the Presidency.

Like I said, it does not bode well.

Sometime's Hanging Is Not Enough

A Special
View From The Afterlife
Commentary
by
General Sir Charles James Napier
Commander in Chief of the British Army in India 1849-1851

Pip-pip and tally-ho to all you living folks.

Those alien chaps are still "resting" after their New Year's libations and Vox Poplar not only left his electronic Ouija board on but also left me with his password. So, I'm the only one capable of posting. I may be dead, but thanks to the Demon Rum the others are dead to the world.

Goes to show that the standard of manhood has gone tragically down. In my day a gentlemen could bend the elbow for 48 hours straight, and then go out and conquer half of what is now Pakistan before tea-time.

And coincidentally, that's what I'm here to talk about. There's a serious lack of testicular fortitude among the living, and it's fit to make me retch at the sight of it.

One example of such egregious nutlessness is the recent so-called honour killing of two young Egyptian-American girls by their father.

I used the term so-called, because of a simple truth.

If your honour, manhood, and culture requires that you murder teenage girls, then your honour, manhood, and culture are not worth the powder to blow to hell.

Cultures are living things.

That's a fact.

And to stay alive they must adapt and evolve to an ever-changing world that both surrounds and imbues them. You must eliminate the things that are harmful to your cultures in the long run, like the mistreatment of women. Denial of this evolution is not only ignorant, but also suicidal.

And sometimes you have to be very blunt to help another culture along.

Back when I was alive and running the British army in India I was confronted by some Hindu chaps who were insisting that it was their tradition that they burn a widow alive.

I explained to them that it was our tradition, evolved over centuries of struggle, to hang men who burned women.

That was when their culture learned to adapt. Sure, they're still saddled with many things, but they are trying and are looking to be one of the coming superpowers of the 21st century.

But back again to the main topic of this conversation, the murder of two young ladies in Texas and how it looks like it was committed by their father in the name of his honour.

Well, sometimes hanging is not enough.

Sometimes you think that sticking the sort of man who would violate the laws of Man, God & Nature into a sack full of hungry rabid weasels and tossing them into a pit.

Bloody thuggish bastards.

The honour of a gentleman is to be found in how he protects the lives and rights of the fairer sex, not in how he brutalizes and controls them.

Of course there are those who decry me as 'Islamophobic' and 'offensive' for talking about such things, but remember one thing.

Murders like the ones in Texas, the hanging of an abused woman in Iran, the forcing of young girls into a burning building because they weren't properly encased in burqas, and countless other crimes against womanhood and humanity itself have all been justified using Islamic scripture and were done in the name of Islam.

If you don't find that truly offensive, then you don't really deserve to be called a gentleman.

And what's the matter with these so-called feminists?

Here I am, a pompous, cantankerous, old, white-male, Tory, imperialist piss-bag, who has been dead over 150 years and I sound like a bleeding suffragette compared to the stony silence of the so-called guardians of women's rights.

Bloody hell!

Get off your arses and stand up.

Because if you don't stand up for these women, they won't be able to stand up for you.

Well, I must be going now. I'm going to go haunt some folks tonight and hopefully scare some common sense into them.