An Android Among the Stars #3

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I'm still just the head of Android CAI/7, and I'm still trapped covering the shallow illogical beings you Earthlings call 'celebrities.'

So here is the Hollywood news you crave like the salivating dogs that you are:



1. Actor George Clooney endorsed Senator Barack Obama, but expressed caution in doing it, citing past candidates failing due to what he calls the negative appearance of 'Hollywood Values.' Considering those values currently embrace the surrender of Western values and liberties to a psychopathic Islamist fundamentalist dogma, I don't see how can be seen as negative.

You see, I might be an android, but I can still do sarcasm.

2. Actor John Travolta showed that he is a 'Wild Hog'* for the environment by lecturing 'ordinary' people about making sacrifices to fight Global Warming from this place:

Yes Earthlings, that is his home, where he keeps his 5 private jets. But before you begin expressing the human emotion of anger, Remulak sold Mr. Travolta some 'Hypocrite' offsets, so his blatant hypocrisy is all right.

*Disney should make the check out to Android CAI/7.

3. Back to Clooney who is also offering over 1,000,000 Earth dollars for anyone who can prove that he didn't leak the footage of cast and director meltdowns on the set of pretentious all-star uber-bomb I Heart Huckabees. Now this can be interpreted in two ways: 1. Clooney is an idiot who thinks you can prove a negative. or 2. He's smart enough to know you can not prove a negative and won't have to spend any money.

I'm leaning towards #1.

4. Rosie O'Donnell had another televised meltdown where she takes the word of Iran over the Brits. Nice to know that she's dumb enough to believe a man who gleefully hangs homosexuals, supports war and terrorism, uses rape as a form of interrogation, and oppresses all forms of free speech, is somehow morally superior to the world's most powerful democracies.

I am personally waiting for her to blame the Joos for 9/11. You know it's only a matter of time with her.

How Low Can You Go?

Apparently quite a bit.

I had to step in here, when MoxArgon read this story he went into one of his volcanic explosions of rage and had to be sedated with multiple shots of Tyborean slug juice to keep him from completely decimating your puny planet.

What could make him so mad?

What set him off is a new fad found among Earth so-called 'progressive' thinkers. This fad is mocking, or attacking politically conservative people suffering from cancer.

But aside from the usual death-wish fantasies found on the Huffington Post, was a particularly egregious bit of nastiness from a man named Eliot Stein.

Stein had a personal grudge against the columnist Cathy Seipp and her teenage daughter, and the man describe by folks who know him as suffering a 'hate addiction' posted a particularly vitriolic little rant under Cathy Seipp's name on his bogus Cathy Seipp hate-site while she lay dying of cancer. In it he attacked Seipps, Seipps's daughter, and everyone associated with her.

Remulak asked me, before his works became choked with psychotic rage to post this special announcement that he would like you to pass on to Mr. Stein.

EARTHLING CALLED

ELIOT STEIN

YOU ARE OFFICIALLY THE LOWEST FORM OF EARTHLING LIFE EVER ENCOUNTERED BY THE MEMBERS OF THE MOXARGON GROUP

YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF BEING URINATED ON BY A MONDARIAN DUNG SKUNK IF YOU WERE ON FIRE

PLEASE CONSUME YOUR OWN FECES AND PROMPTLY CHOKE ON THEM

Thank you.

InterGalactic Roundtable 2.8: Lawyers, Liars, Lunatics & the Losers Who Love Them

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings and welcome to another edition of The MoxArgon Group, with me your host Remulak MoxArgon. Joining me are our regular panelists Xran the Fleshrender, Varos Quasar, and Android Cai/7. First topic: The Democrats are making a massive scandal out of the rather routine firings of US Attorneys. What do you think about it?

XRAN- I think the Democrats are living up to their promise to paralyze the American government. It's actually refreshing to see politicians doing what they promised.

VAROS- I think it's terrible that the Republicans were firing people because they were investigating and prosecuting Republicans and conservatives.

ANDROID CAI/7- I must correct you Varos. The US Attorneys at question were being fired for not investigating and prosecuting real crimes in their district. They were willfully ignoring or dragging their feet prosecuting illegal alien smugglers and cases of voter and election fraud.

VAROS- But isn't being a Republican or conservative illegal in America?

MOXARGON- Not yet, you'll have to wait until after Hillary Clinton's election and the suspension of the constitution. Now I've looked into this matter, and US Attorneys are political appointments made by the President. As President he has the right to fire any of his appointments at any time, whether it's out of an office, an airlock, or a particle cannon. Bill Clinton fired all 93 US Attorneys when he took office and nobody in the press raised a peep.

VAROS- Yes, but he's a Democrat. When Democrats do something, it's for the greater good of humanity. When Republicans do anything, it's the product of some vast Right-Wing-Zionist conspiracy. Rosie O'Donnell told me so.

MOXARGON- All right. Next issue: Iran has kidnapped 15 British Marines and Sailors, and has announced that it plans to try them for espionage, which will surely get them executed. What do you think about it?

XRAN- It's a blatant act of war on the part of Iran. Ahmadinejad is hoping that a shooting war with a western country will distract the Iranian people from his bloodthirsty incompetence and save his presidency.

VAROS- I can't disagree stronger. Rosie O'Donnell says that this whole thing was set up by the Bush administration as a pretext for war with Iran. All Bush wants is constant war, at least that's what Rosie says.

ANDROID CAI/7- Rosie also says that 9/11 was a conspiracy between the White House and the New York Fire Department. Let me explain this logically. It is very hard to get sane western humanoids to volunteer to die horrible, painful deaths, so their government can have an excuse to send more of their citizens off to die horrible, painful deaths. The Middle East is another story, but they are severely lacking in the logic department lately.

MOXARGON- Good points, especially about the lack of logic in the Middle East. Hell, the poor bastards in Gaza are literally drowning in their own shit because their terrorist government isn't competent enough to build functional sewage treatment. But getting back on topic: I would also like to add my complete disgust at the lackadaisical reaction of the British people. In 1850 a Portugese Jew named Don Pacifico was attacked in an anti-Semitic riot in Athens Greece. They looted his business and burned down his home. Don Pacifico was born in Gibraltar, making him a British citizen. In response, Lord Palmerston seized Greek shipping and blockaded the port of Piraeus until the Greeks made restitution. When asked to justify his action Palmerston said that it was the duty of the British crown to protect its citizens, no matter where they are, from injustice and wrong. Sadly, the average Brit is more concerned with bad reality TV, football, and getting drunk off their sorry asses than having the testicular fortitude to stand up to protect their own. My solution: Bomb Ahmadinejad's house and see how determined he is to end the world.

XRAN- That really set you off.

MOXARGON- Don't get me started again. Next topic: Congress passed a resolution calling for America's immediate surrender in Iraq. What do you think about it?

XRAN- Disgusting display of partisan politics.

VAROS- I oppose all wars for human liberation, so I support this bill.

ANDROID CAI/7- Only serves to illustrate the depths of treachery that exist among America's political class.

MOXARGON- Exactly. I'm surprised the Democrats didn't get a fatwa of death from the Ayatollah's over their earlier War Budget/Surrender bill because it was just dripping with pork. America needs new leadership. But it should not come from the Democrats unless they seek their own destruction. They need someone who is not only willing to fight the forces of global jihad, but take on the corrupt and treacherous elements in their government, and even their own party. You know who I'm talking about. That's all the time we have for today. Be sure to leave a question, because we're going to have another round of "ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP." So come on puny Earthlings and partake of this wonderful opportunity to sample the wisdom to the greatest minds in the universe. Until next time, keep watching the skies, because we are watching you.

Global Warming: Finally A Final Solution.

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I see you're still panicking over the whole 'climate change' thing and some are even getting sick from the constant anxiety.

This should shut your whining.

I have the solution.

Something that will put an end to Global Warming for good.


I'm not going to suggest following Kyoto.

Even the folks who wrote the damn thing think it's a load of snorboks.

Nor am I going to suggest giving up your cars, or stuffing plugs down volcanoes and up cow-butts.

This will end the 'fever' that currently making Al Gore very rich.

I'm talking about....

NUCLEAR WAR

Yes puny Earthlings, you have been sitting on the solution to your problems for over 60 years.

Nuclear weapons.

All you have to do is launch your missiles, obliterate key areas of your planet and all the people in them, and wait for the toxic-radioactive clouds to darken your sky and plunge you into a nice safe nuclear winter, thus saving humanity from its greatest enemy, the sun.

It's affordable, a great excuse to eliminate your enemies and people who annoy, plus it will kill fewer people in the brief time it takes to nuke your puny planet than current environmentalist trends are going to kill people in Africa by denying them energy and the means to combat malaria.

Think about it.

Hot Air offers a song about Hot Air

Vox Poplar told me about this on the Hot Air site and thought it was fitting.

An Android Among the Stars #2

1. A German businessman has dropped over 500,000 Earth dollars for the diaries of the recently deceased pseudo celebrity Anna Nicole Smith. The only purpose such a purchase could logically have is to keep this non-story alive.

Why are humans wasting time and money analyzing the life and now the writings of a semi-literate child in an exaggerated woman's body?

Are humans that mammary obsessed?

****

2. Mel Gibson went ballistic at a symposium on film making when people told him him that his film Apocalypto being racist. Mel told the lady to "f*ck off," and then blamed the Jooos for his language.

****

3. Nicole Richie has been diagnosed as hypoglycemic. To treat the condition, doctors prescribed eating food.

****

This job covering your entertainment news is very frustrating. I'm hoping to win a way out of this infotainment purgatory by posting this video featuring one of Remulak's favourite columnists Mary Katherine Ham.

MoxArgon's Guide To The Presidential Candidates Part 2

Yesterday I analyzed the Republicans, today we look at...

THE DEMOCRATS

HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON: I won't go the cheap route and call her 'Shrillary' or any of the myriad of other names she's acquired over the years, but as a member of the 'vast right wing conspiracy,' I have to do my part. So here's a brief list of her qualifications:

She's paranoid. Any and all criticisms of her are not justified, but are actually evidence of a 'vast right-wing conspiracy.' Someone should tell her that sometimes a criticism is just that.

She's power mad. She's been jonesing for the Oval Office since her hubby Bubba first ran for office. That's why she worked so hard to grab control of the Democratic Party's money and organization. Why else would she employ an army of private investigators and have an 'enemies list' of Nixonian proportions.

Everything she's touched has turned to Skardellian doob-nuggets. Everything from botched business deals in Arkansas, to HillaryCare, and their plans to lock Monica Lewinsky in the nuthouse have all blown up in her face. For a more recent example, look at how fast her campaign is imploding around her.

She can't even flip-flop in a decisive manner. Instead, she fudges around the issue, making a demand for something in a speech, and then 'clarifying' her point by saying the opposite in another.

JOHN EDWARDS: He's pretty --vacant. An empty suit who manages to find new depths of hypocrisy with each passing week. Scolds the American people for their 'selfish lifestyles' while living in a 28,000 sq ft palace built on a career of shady ambulance chasing.

BARACK OBAMA: Has the rare privilege of making Edwards look qualified. Good looking, charming, and completely devoid of any real original ideas. His only qualifications for the presidency are the endorsement of Hollywood celebrities and liberal guilt. Is running now because he's at least smart enough to know that any more time in the Senate threatens to expose his mediocrity.

BILL RICHARDSON: Who? Just kidding, former Energy Secretary during the Clinton Administration with a pretty uncontroversial record as governor of New Mexico. Still not enough about him to make a judgment.

AL GORE: Former Vice President. Despite the demands of many Democrats he will not run, because he doesn't want to give up his path to becoming the world's first Climate Hysteria billionaire. Besides, a run for the White House might spark Hillary's friends in the press to start asking questions about his bloated power bill and his new business selling carbon offset scams plans.

MoxArgon's Guide To The Presidential Candidates

Greetings puny Earthlings.

You were probably expecting another edition of the MoxArgon Group, but my head is still a little tender from my St. Patrick's Day adventure, so I decided to spend a little quiet time and present a simple guide to your Presidential Candidates.

Today The

REPUBLICANS

NEWT GINGRICH: Popular among conservatives from the 'Contract With America' days, but has more baggage than the luggage carousel at O'Hare Airport on Thanksgiving Weekend. So far all he's done is bitch about the election season coming too early. Come on Newt, don't run because because you think you have to, run because you have some real ideas.

JOHN McCAIN: War hero, with a long record in the Senate. However, he's the Alpha Male of the RINO herd, he flips and flops more than a short order cook at IHOP, he's getting a tad long in the tooth for an Earthling in what's becoming a younger man's game, and he's never met a politically connected money man he didn't like.

MITT ROMNEY: Solid gubernatorial record, but a bit of a flip flopper, and he takes the media too seriously, not a good sign.

SAM BROWNBACK: The only thing I know about him, is that his name reminded me of 'Brokeback' as if being a Republican was enough ammo for the late night comedians.

RUDY GIULIANI: Some arch-conservatives say he's too liberal, and bring up his failed marriages and the time he spent living with a gay couple. However, I read about how that couple took care of him. Damn, I can't get that kind of service in my palace without using brain-slugs, I'd have never left. Anyway, the most important thing is that Rudy looks, acts, and has the record of a fighter, one that is perfectly willing to tell a hostile media to kiss his ass on occasion. That's what America needs.

FRED THOMPSON: Solid Reaganite conservative, is the only sensible character left on Law & Order, has good record as a Senator and attorney. He's being a bit coy about running, I think he's setting himself up to be picked by old buddy Giulian's running mate as a way to win the hardcore conservative base.

TOMORROW: THE DEMOCRATS

It's St. Patrick's Day, & I'm Feelin' a Li'l Bit Green

Happy St. Patty's Day you puny little Earthlings....

And I'm damn right allowed to say that, because my dear sainted momma was half Trygorean, and half Irish. So for this most aspish ospichous important holiday I decided to visit some of my Irish relatives.

Wonderful people. Really a great bunch of guys...

They bought me drinks.

A lot of drinks.

I can put it away with the best of them, but I have to admit, cousins Paddy and Seamus O'Stereotype took me to school today.

So right now, I'm feeling no pain and I've decided to tell you folks a few things about your puny little planet...

1. Valerie Plame. I'd have sexual intercorf entercourse enderpores you know- with her, but I wouldn't trust her with my pet Hargleflopper, let alone any important national secrets.

2. I think Waxman called the hearing just to have an attractive woman talk to him.

3. Was that a transvestite in the 'Impeach Bush' shirt, or just a member of Code Pink behind Plame during the hearing?

4. During her testimony I heard her talk about Libby, Libby, Libby, but nothing about Armitage, who was the guy who expased ecsbosed blew her name to the press. What's up with that?

5. Why does your planet smell funny? I know you don't notice it, but trust me, I've been all over the Universe, and your planet's got a funk to it.

6. Time travel ain't all it's cracked up to be. Trust me on this one.

Man, I gotta get a little nap.... and... then....

Point / Counterpoint- A Special Fitzmas Edition

TEKTAK- Greetings puny Earthlings, and welcome to a very special edition of Point/Counterpoint. Joining me and my colleague Snotglob today is federal prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, he's here to talk about Scooter Libby and the trial of ousted newspaper publisher Conrad Black which is starting in Chicago. Welcome Mr. Fizgerald.

FITZGERALD- I'd say it's good to be here, but I don't quite know where here is.

TEKTAK- It's better you don't. I believe Snotglob would like to start with a question. Snotglob?

SNOTGLOB- Thank you. Now Mr. Fitzgerald, now that you've brought down the evil Scooter Libby for exposing poor Valerie Plame's identity, when will you be imprisoning Bush and Cheney?

FITZGERALD- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut!

TEKTAK- That's my line!

FITZGERALD- Look, I think I pulled a pretty good fast one with Libby's conviction, so don't expect anymore. I'm not a freaking miracle worker.

TEKTAK- Well you managed to get a man convicted of lying about not being involved in a crime that never took place, I think that's pretty miraculous.

FITZGERALD- Nah, we just made sure we stacked the jury with Democrats. By all the laws of the constitution and human decency, it should get turfed on appeal. I mean my entire case was based on Libby not remembering exchanging gossip with Tim Russert. Hell, I can't even remember Russert's testimony, and I was sober when I heard it.

SNOTGLOB- Are you saying that this whole case was a load of Tyborean woggleslogs?

FITZGERALD- Definitely. Come on, Plame's identity had been blown years earlier by Aldrich Ames, she and her husband told lies about Niger, about Iraq, and about the White House to anyone that would pay to listen. But the guy that blew her identity, Richard Armitage, was against the war, we couldn't charge him, we needed a Bush/Cheney loyalist to provide the happy ending so Plame can cash in on her book and movie deals, and Libby's faulty memory was just the ticket.

TEKTAK- What about prosecution of Conrad Black?

FITZGERALD- Let me say that my office will not rest until every political conservative is behind bars!

SNOTGLOB- That Black was a fascist. He demanded that liberals working for his papers back up their opinions with facts! Lock him up!

TEKTAK- I think your prosecution's going to have a problem with the 'corporate governance' experts that have replaced Black. During the period you claimed he was mismanaging and looting the company, it was profitable, with large assets, and the only real trouble was an artificially undervalued stock price.

FITZGERALD- That's true. But it doesn't excuse Conrad Black's extravagant lifestyle.

TEKTAK- Yet the same experts who were appointed to 'save' the company from Black have sold off all the assets, crippled the stock price and are looting the company blind through $800 an hour 'governance constultancy fees.' How do you explain that?

FITZGERALD- This is a case of what I call two wrongs making a right.

TEKTAK- Two wrongs do not make a right. That's one of the few constants in the universe.

FITZGERALD- Look, he's a pompous windbag with politically conservative beliefs, he must be put away.

TEKTAK- He also has way better lawyers than Scooter Libby. Edward Greenspan isn't the type of lawyer to let being in a foreign court stop him from carving you a new cake-hole.

SNOTGLOB- Lock him up! He's a CEO, he must be evil!

TEKTAK- Like George Soros?

SNOTGLOB- Soros is a saint!

TEKTAK- That's all the time we have for now, we got to put Fitz back in the teleporter to get him back to Earth, so until next time, stay on point.

Quasar's Questions

Greetings Earthlings.

It's me, Varos Quasar, and as the junior member of the MoxArgon Group, I'm still very new to your planet and I have some questions I'd like answered.

So here goes...





1. Why does South America complain when the USA ignores them, but when the USA doesn't ignore them, they complain that the USA is 'meddling?'



2. Does the giving of 'carbon credits' to Hollywood's Academy Award voters by a company founded and part-owned by Al Gore, constitute bribery to insure his winning the Best Documentary prize?



3. Why is Scooter Libby looking at prison for failing to remember gossip at a party, and Sandy Berger is free for stealing and destroying important secret documents?



4. Why is the firing of US Attorneys considered wrong and called a "purge" when it's done by a Republican, but okay when done by Democrats?



If anyone can answer these questions, please drop me a line.

XRAN XPLAINS- CLIMATE CHANGE

Greetings puny Earthlings, it's your favourite alien space pirate Xran here, and today I'm going to explain the facts behind climate change.

Now I know MoxArgon posted that documentary from England, but come on, it's like over an hour. I'm going to condense so you can know what's going on before you have to take a potty break.

So here are the basics.

This is the
PLANET EARTH

It has a climate, a climate that's been in a state of constant flux for billions of years.

It was hotter in the Middle Ages than it is now, got really cold from the 14th Century to the early 19th Century, and then started heating up again.

It got really hot again in the early 20th century up until 1940. Then temps started to go down again.

People panicked.

In the 1970s scientists started talking about the impending doom of
GLOBAL COOLING

and an inevitable
ICE AGE!

All except one.

An obscure climatologist in Sweden told a British documentary that there was a slim chance mankind's carbon emissions would create a warming effect, thus making the planet hotter than the dreaded chili pepper of Queztohacatanango.


That statement was music to the ears of this lady.

British PM
Margaret
"The Iron Lady"
Thatcher

She wanted to break the UK's powerful coal miner's union, but didn't want to become dependent on Mid-East Oil.

She wanted NUCLEAR POWER. And to get it, she needed something to scare people away from burning Trade Union and Middle-Eastern controlled fossil fuels.

GLOBAL WARMING was just the ticket.

When temperatures rose slightly in the 1980s everybody started to believe Maggie's statements.

It gave environmentalists something new to gripe about, since the western world started cleaning up its act. Sure the carbon levels tended to rise after temps went up, but who needs facts in a political debate.

Then...
The Soviet Union collapsed. This left a lot of professional protesters and radicals without a cause.

They needed something new.

Something that was:

anti-capitalist
anti-American
anti-industry

and pro-power to unelected trans-national bureaucracies they could easily control.

So they promoted the KYOTO PROTOCOL to create the conditions they wanted.

But they weren't alone. They were helped by...

Yes, that ENRON, who were looking to leech billions in government money for climate research, and obese cash subsidies for windmills, solar power, and natural gas programs.

When Enron went down like a lead zeppelin, other mega-corporations bought up their assets and with them, their plans to use them to suck the government teat dry.

And where there's money and power you'll find....

POLITICIANS

Yep, they saw huge profits from not only government sources, but from carbon offset scams businesses, books, TV shows, movies, and a public terrified into submission by tales of impending man-made doom.

PANIC SELLS

SELLING MEANS MONEY

MONEY MEANS POWER

Then there's the plus of anti-global warming/anti-development plans presented by these politicians, environmentalists, and big businessmen leading to the rapid depopulation of places like Africa through famine, disease, war, and poverty.

Once climate change hysteria completes snuffs out the population of Africa, it, and it's resources will be free to colonize and exploit.

But the climate really is changing?

Yes.
It's always changing.

But why?

The answer to that is simple.

It's not Dubya

It's

THE SUN

Let me put this simply.

More sunspot activity, more warmth.

Less sunspot activity, more cosmic rays.

More cosmic rays mean more clouds.

More clouds mean cooler weather.

Mars, which has no humans or industry, is warming at the same rate as Earth.

How is Bush to blame for that?

He isn't.

It's just happening.

That's been known to happen folks.

Thinking puny little droppings like the human race could alter the climate of something as vast as a planetary climate, is giving yourself too much credit.

The Must See Film of the Year

No I'm not talking about 300. I'm talking about The Great Global Warming Swindle. A rather shocking expose of the shoddy science and sleazy politics behind the climate change hysteria.

It's an 1 hour 16 minutes and you need to see every second to see how big this is.

And it's all Margaret Thatcher's fault.

An Android Among The Stars #1.

Greetings puny Earthlings. It is I, Android CAI/7-5342-X7, and it has been determined by this groups illustrious leader, and ruler of the known Universe and several related dimensions, Remulak MoxArgon that I take over the Hollywood Beat from Xran the Fleshrender.

I objected to this, stating that an intellect as vast and logical as mine would be wasted covering the painted and pampered poodles of Earth's bottomless chum bucket of a celebrity culture, but MoxArgon reminded me that I was just an android's severed head, and that I could much less than that.

So let's get started.

STORY #1: Slate critic Dana Stevens pans the film 300, about the Spartan/Persian battle of Thermopylae. In her review, she compares watching the film to being raped and making statements like these:

One of the few war movies I've seen in the past two decades that doesn't include at least some nod in the direction of antiwar sentiment, 300 is a mythic ode to righteous bellicosity.

It's nice to see that the critic has done absolutely no research about Spartan culture. The Spartans were righteously bellicose by their very nature, and do you know what they called a Spartan with 'anti-war sentiment?'

I do not know, but it definitely wasn't 'Spartan.'

She also compares the film to Nazi propaganda of the 1930s, but also leaves out a little something called a fact.

Nazi propaganda made up events to slander the Jewish people and justify their slaughter. 300 is a movie about an actual war that happened in ancient times and tries to present the attitudes and culture of those ancient peoples.

Yes, the western world is in a war for survival against an autocratic enemy from the east, just like the movie and just like history. Yet she thinks that it is somehow wrong to present a story about martial courage and patriotism during a war for survival.

I guess Ms. Stevens is of the school of thought, so prevalent in the media, that the poor 100,000 Persian soldiers and their god-emperor Xerxes were being oppressed by the 300 racist Spartans who prevented them from expressing their Persian culture through the medium of slaughter and conquest.

Bas Spartans! Bad, Bad Spartans!

STORY #2: Anna Nicole Smith is still dead. I don't know why you have to be told this, but since all your news networks are repeating the story, who am I to break from the pack.

STORY #3: Falsely accused comedienne and talk show dominatrix Rosie O'Donnell demonstrated that hanging upside down is what keeps her mentally healthy. It may have cured her depression, supposedly caused by being the center of the universe, but it has made her more self-righteously belligerent than a Spartan on a bender of distilled bat piss, since she's picking fights with co-hosts, Donald Trump, and the people behind the American Idol juggernaut.

Yeah, that's a great way to show you're healthy.

Goodbye for now Puny Earthlings. It's back to begging for my body back for me.

Xran Xplains...

ANNE COULTER

Okay Earthlings, it's time for your pal Xran the Fleshrender to explain the hows and whys pundit Anne Coulter put her stiletto heeled foot in her mouth with her recent appearance at the CPAC conference where she made a lame joke calling John Edwards a 'faggot.'

It all boils down to money.

You see Anne needs to get her skinny face on television to promote her books and syndicated column.

But, you may ask, she claims to be a conservative, so how can she get bookings to appear on the liberal dominated mainstream TV networks?

The answer is simple.

She manufactures a controversy.

But it can't be just any controversy. She has to whip one up that panders to the liberal biases of folks in the media.

Liberals assume that anyone to the right of Noam Chomsky is a raging racist, homophobic, bible thumper.

So Anne gives them what they want.

She makes a stupid statement, gets booked on all the major networks, and lands truckloads of free publicity.

The media gives her the publicity she craves like a Oberlarian Farfle-narfer not only to promote their own bias against conservatives, but to help Democrats who use Coulter to fuel their talking points memos and fund-raising drives.

She even carefully picked the word 'faggot' since it was the center of a media firestorm sparked by on set hissy fit by an actor on TV medical-soap Grey's Anatomy. She knew the MSM would take the bait, and she was right.

Now the question arises over why she's allowed to be a featured speaker at CPAC? She did the same thing last year with her stupid 'rag head' comments, she opened her mouth and let the turds out again this year. What does she have planned for next year? A cross burning?

So I respectfully suggest that Earthling conservatives bar Anne Coulter from being a speaker at all their events. If you're worried that the loss of a size-zero long-legged beanpole model-type would cost you some eye candy, let me tell you, you can do better. In fact, finding any female conservative without HBO uber-schmuck Bill Maher in their past and the ability to finish a meal without purging would be an improvement.

It's time for conservatives to move on from Anne.

She's doing more harm than good.

A Little Thank You....

Hi. TekTak here to give a little shout out to Dr. Sanity, whose Carnival of the Insanities is responsible for a considerable jump in our traffic that had nothing to do with Remulak's cheesecake stunts, possibly gay pop stars, and the strange things some Earthlings think of as a good time. Dr. Sanity, you're a credit to dementia.

So click on her site, and be sure to look out for the podcasts featuring her and her fellow mental health professionals who podcast as The Sanity Squad.

A Few More Random Thoughts....

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Yesterday I talked about the hypocrisy of Al Gore's Carbon Credit defense for his bloated ego electrical bill.

I discussed how the whole Carbon Credit deal was just a big fat scam so the rich can demand poorer people to make sacrifices while they tool around on private jets and luxury SUVs between their massive mansions.

Now I just found out who is selling Al Gore his carbon credits.

It's Al Gore

Yep, Al Gore's rampant polluting is okay, because Al Gore gave Al Gore some money to make it all right.

Does that make an ounce of sense?

For a while I thought this whole climate change boondoggle was Hollywood's latest attempt at making their own religion, but now I get the feeling that it's all one massive pyramid scheme.

By the way. The planet Mars, which has no humans, or carbon credits, is also warming up.

Could it be a solar phenomenon that man has no control over?

I mean you really give yourselves a little too much credit, thinking that you're changing your climate without the benefit of Thygorean atmosphere generators or hyperplasmic field converters.

I think you Earthlings need a lesson in just how puny you really are.

Look at where all this Climate Change hysteria has led you. You're making an already rich ex-politician even richer and all he has to do is go around saying 'booga-booga' and watch his own ass spread.

You Earthlings are more than puny, you're positively pathetic.

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In other news...

WHO THE HELL IS CHRISTIAN CHAVEZ?

I was checking out the site-meter stats for this site, and lately almost all the referrals to this site involving Google searches about someone named Christian Chaves being gay.

What's up with that?

This is a political analysis blog, not some Tiger Beat teeny-bopper gossip rag. So I'm asking you pathetic Earthlings to please explain who this Christian Chavez is, why he's so popular with Google, why are so many people looking for evidence that he's gay, and why does anyone care about that?

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UPDATE: Apparently this Chavez fellow is some sort of gay Latino pop star or something, I'm not sure, I don't speak Spanish. But I looked again at the site's visit stats and apparently this term, typed into Google will get you this blog: "naked really hot girls getting rapped with out joining that have big boobies and a small butt."

All I can say is WTF and that I don't want to know what that guy was really looking for.

The internet is really screwed up.

A Few Random Thoughts....

The Musings of Remulak MoxArgon

1. CARBON CREDITS: Al Gore recently justified the immensity of his electricity bill by claiming to have purchased so-called 'carbon credits' from a friend and that they 'neutralize' his incredibly wasteful lifestyle. Now some critics are comparing these to the 'indulgences' sold by medieval clergy to the rich as a way to buy their way out of sin. And while that is very apt and illustrates how the whole Kyoto/Climate Change boondoggle is merely a way for the rich to avoid making the sacrifices they demand the poor and middle class make, I think I found a metaphor that non-historians can understand.

Imagine a rich man taking a piss on a sidewalk of a busy main street, shocking and disgusting the passersby. A cop comes to arrest him, and the rich man says: "It's okay, I've bought pissing credits. I'm paying someone to use a toilet in my name. None of this is really happening because I'm 'urine neutral.'"

Now is that person really 'urine neutral' or just full of hypocritical zendok turds?

I mean, there's the puddle, for all the world to see.

You tell me.

2. WALTER CRONKITE: The grand old man of TV liberal media grandstanding is back from the grave in order to badmouth America's role in Iraq. He stated that the war is unwinnable, and promptly forgot the name of Saddam Hussein.

Now this is the same man who declared the Vietnam War unwinnable after the US military completely destroyed the once thought invulnerable Viet Cong guerillas during the Tet Offensive.

You see, Ted forgot one simple fact, all wars are winnable. It's a matter of courage, intelligence, and most of all THE WILL TO FIGHT. Wars only become unwinnable when people listen to dusty old men who think the society that made them rich, famous, and undeservedly respected, must be defeated by a force that would gladly behead them for entertainment.

John Murtha, I'm looking in your direction.

3. WANT SOME CHEESECAKE?- I was brutally interrogating discussing blogs with fellow blogger Vox Poplar and he noted a spike in traffic mostly centered around a cheesecake pic of actress and deep thinker Gwyneth Paltrow in fishnets.

So that got me thinking....

Yep nothing like some hot girls to attract attention.

Now where's my boost in visits?